My Pretentious Life

I used to think I lived a perfect life
Or perhaps, I made people believe so
Making new posts everyday
Singing my heart out
And listening to people tell me how great a singer I am
That was all the energy I needed
.....the confirmation energy
I would replay the words in my head for days
Till I got bored or heard a new one
For chats, I'd re read every word
With as much intent like it were the first time it was being sent
Just to get a little smile on my face
Which of course, always worked
I am fine, or maybe I just have to be fine
For my friends, family and fans
But deep down, I was eating up
I needed someone to talk to
I wanted love, I wanted to find meaning
But who would give it?
Everyone thought I had it all at my fingertip
I had all the guys to my Beck and call
That I was happy and all
But I knew I wasn't
I was a sad, lonely, ignorant and pretentious introvert
Who lived her life to please others
Displeasing her own self

Source

Reflection

The poetry describes a lady, who according to social culture and standard is doing just fine. Whereas, the reverse is the case. She is an introvert, struggling with depression and other hidden fears on the inside. But on the outside, she is a fun to be with lady, down to earth, jovial, comical and attractive.
She needs love but everyone thinks she's got it all.
She is depressed, lonely and at the verge of committing suicide.