P is for Prostitutes

In New Zealand, prostitution is legal.

I've never had a real need for this service, but like all things, I wanted to try it once. Today was that day.

I chose the supple curves of Maruko, a 20 year old Japanese woman. I recieved a stock text back "Hi yes you want booking have 4 girls work now in address redacted $100 half hr .$150hr in call out call $220 cash." (s.p.)

A bait and switch cash job. Fantastic start. I'm greeted at the door by an east asian woman who clearly understands zero Japanese, and -5 english.

She's depressed, and looks late 30s. She replies to everything with a growled "HaIIiii".

I take a shower and dry off with the comically small towel, black mould decorates the stucco roof, as I wash myself with mucous coloured generic soap.

I come out naked and she begins to strip. I tease her that my butt is bigger than hers and get a genuine laugh. I find the whole thing pretty unarousing, so I just ask her for a massage. It's mechanical and uninspired. Poor thing. So I flip her over and give her a massage, which amuses her somewhat.

If I'm going to do this, I have to go the whole way. The playfullness of the mood allows me a servicable erection amoungst the depressing banality of what's clearly an unregulated brothel; if not human trafficking.

I go through the motions, it's sex alright. It feels a bit like a one night stand. I can't get off, but I expected as much.

I give up, and have a shower; pondering how many acronyms are currently making their home on my baby oil covered member. Ew ew ew ew ew ew.

I bid her farewell, as she smoothes out, but doesn't change her bedsheet. Mmmm crabs.

I drive away, feeling less than empowered.

Prostitution is gross. Perhaps though, if I had needed it, my opinion would change. Knowing you could have a conventional relationship leaves you with just the downsides.

Not recommended, 0/10.