If you have heard it, you will be happy, and you will help you with your friends
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The ancients said that "you will be happy if you smell it", which is very important. If we are complacent when we hear others praise ourselves, this is often very dangerous. In this way, no one who dared to tell the truth will come close to you again. Those who are close to you will think of flattering and admiring your benefits, and those who help you improve your moral knowledge will leave you. Never approach you again. When others say our faults, we should be happy, accept what others have said with a humble and cautious attitude, and correct them, so that others will dare to say your shortcomings again in the future. If others are unwilling to tell you what is wrong, and others are afraid to offend you, such friends are not worthy of deep friendship. We make friends, we must make close friends, and those who are noble and dare to point us at our faults. Remember not to be angry with such friends.
The "Disciple Guidance" also advocates "speaking of anger and fame and happiness. It hurts friends, but benefits them."
When we are angry when we hear others say that we are not good, and happy when we hear others say that we are good, bad friends will approach us, and mentor and helpful friends will leave us.
The "Di Zi Gui" proposes that if we get angry when we hear others say about our faults and our shortcomings, on the contrary, when we hear others praise ourselves, we will be happy, then bad friends will approach us and good teachers and helpful friends will stay away from us. If we can accept the criticisms of others, reflect on ourselves, and continue to work hard when we hear the praises of others, then the beautiful and honest people will be willing to approach us, so that we will become better and better.
Everyone likes to be friends with people of noble character and knowledge, but the key to the kind of people we can approach depends on our own attitude, and making friends depends on ourselves. If we are unhappy when we hear others criticize ourselves, refuse others to say our shortcomings and mistakes, and hear others praise ourselves, we are very happy, then no one will talk about our shortcomings and mistakes soon.
Those who say your shortcomings and faults are often for your own good. If you are good at listening to their opinions and correct your own shortcomings, you will surely make great progress in morality; and those who always say your advantages, People who always praise you and who always avoid talking about your shortcomings are often not your true friends. They can't make your life change or make you progress. In our lives, apart from our teachers and parents, there are actually very few people who can criticize us sincerely. Those who can criticize us in good faith are really for our good. We must cherish those who dare to speak out about us. People who are at fault, they risk being disliked by us and point out our shortcomings.
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Zhu Xi's education for his children is such that "you will be happy when you hear it, and you will help you with your friends." Zhu Xi wrote a letter to his son who was studying abroad, teaching his son what kind of friends he should make and how close to what kind of people.
He wrote in the letter: "When we make friends, we must make choices. We can't distinguish between being close and distant from everyone. If we don't understand, we should ask the teacher more. We judge whether a person is a person or not. When making a good friend, it depends on the person’s attitude towards yourself. If a person is unwilling to say your shortcomings, he always avoids talking about your shortcomings. Such a person is often not a good friend. There are also some flattering and wrong words. Heart, the person who guides you to do wrong things is not what you should associate with. Only those who are willing to point out your faults, dare to criticize you, and are not afraid of your anger, are your good friends. Even if you follow what I told you Standards to find friends are not necessarily foolproof. So when you don’t know how to make friends, you can also ask your teacher. The teacher can tell you which people you should make and which ones are not. If If you have to enter the circle of villains, maybe the teacher will be powerless to you, so you still have to find more reasons from yourself and strictly demand yourself."
Zhu Xi’s son is studying abroad. He is very worried about the problem of his son making friends. He hopes that his son can make good friends, make some loyal and honest people, and make some people who can point out his shortcomings. At the same time, he also hopes that his son can keep these real friends. , Learn to accept the opinions of others to yourself, make corrections, and don't enter the circle of villains.
We often have a certain ability to discern villains. Real villains are easy to identify, but there is also a class of people among our friends. They have a hypocritical appearance, seem loyal and honest, but in fact they are villains, such people The most scary. Ji Xiaolan, a well-known scholar in the Qing Dynasty in my country, also has a family letter called "Xun Daer", admonishing the eldest son who has just entered society not to make friends with hypocritical people, who often do some harm without knowing it. Although you seem to have a good relationship with you in your affairs, in private, you may not do anything against you and do some insidious things behind your back. Meeting such a person is the most terrifying thing, and it will have a very bad influence on ourselves, so we must have the ability to distinguish bad friends.
"A person is not a sage, no one can fault", I believe everyone has faults and faults. "It can be corrected by the past, and there is no good way." This sentence of Confucius tells us that when facing mistakes, we must maintain an attitude of acknowledging the mistakes, and then we can truly correct. From ancient times to the present, those who have achieved success can hear it and be happy. I hope that each of us will be happy when we have heard it. We should be good at listening to others’ opinions and criticisms of ourselves in our lives. We should be grateful to those who criticize us. It is precisely because of them that we have become more outstanding, and we must always warn ourselves that "if you have heard it, you will be happy, and we will help you with friends."