The breastplates are broken when caressing the soul

The cuirasses are the symbol of people who have suffered too much. The protection they choose to stop their wear, avoid tearing again and end up breaking. They are his security mechanism, his momentary rescue and his way of saying to the world "Enough is enough!" In silence.

Living with a breastplate is not easy because behind it lies the fear of being hurt. This is one of the most paralyzing fears that a person can harbor and that impels her to create walls, stop her heart and live anesthetized. But sometimes, the force of circumstances leaves no other option to those who are more sensitive or vulnerable. Life tires and exhausts to the point that they prefer to protect themselves and stop feeling as much as possible instead of experiencing the sting of their wounds.

"Without a doubt, your shell protects you from the person who wants to destroy you. But if you do not let it fall, it will isolate you from the only one who can love you. "

-Richard Bach-
The wear and tear caused by suffering
Life is not an expedited path that guarantees happiness. Uncertainty, instability and suffering are conditions of their journey and we will face them better if we are able to anticipate them and prepare ourselves. No one is immune to suffering, so it is essential that we learn to manage it, otherwise darkness can devour us.

To live is to face risks, to accept that not everything will always happen as we wish, to embrace moments of happiness but also to accept that suffering will knock at our door from time to time and will put us to the test.

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Manage the blows and heal wounds is not an easy task, we do not always have the best support, resources or strategies and, even having them, sometimes we do not know how to use them. There are those who face the disappointments and the unexpected better, who let them take over their state of mind and who decides to protect themselves to put a limit on their suffering. However, the method they use will influence one way or another in their day to day.

However, regardless of how we deal with suffering, when it decides to stay by our side, it generates a series of physical and emotional consequences. On the one hand, it traps us in its reluctance, in that lack of absolute motivation and pleasure (anhedonia), which if we do not watch well can change our course towards depression or anxiety. On the other hand, it wears us physically, it drains us, ending with all the energy we have. In fact, at deep levels the segregation of serotonin decreases and the amount of cortisol increases.

False protection of the cuirasses
Each of us has its own shell, its defense mechanism, its personal shield to shield itself against pain. It is normal. In a way, we have to keep our most delicate part safe and make ourselves strong in the face of possible threats and setbacks.

The problem arises when these cuirasses are generated and then they are not destroyed. That is, they take control of our lives and we end up turning them into a very conservative filter through which to observe the world. Walls that stand up and isolate us, not only from suffering and uncertainty, but also from affection and from any social experience.

In an attempt to protect ourselves, we ended up boycotting ourselves in such a way that we blocked ourselves emotionally. That not feeling, not to suffer, is a wrong strategy that we repeat because at some point it assured our survival. So, be careful, because when we use it we pay a high price: to stay empty inside. This is that small letter of the contract that we do not always read or that we do not always take into account before starting to build barriers.

On the other hand, this void translates into the absence of emotions, of that ability to feel alive and connect. Thus, it is not uncommon that in a short space of time we end up being prey to what we feared so much, suffering itself. Because who has said that not feeling keeps us from having a bad time?

The breastplates are unconscious traps that bind us to discomfort disguised as feelings of protection and security. That is why it is so important to identify and reflect on what our defense mechanisms are.

"It takes more courage to face suffering than to die."
-Marlene Dietrich-

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The art of caressing the soul

Often, those who hide under breastplates often abuse so much of the defensive attitude that they end up distancing others. Their fear of being hurt is so great that, even if they do not want it, they alienate all those who approach with no other intention than to know them and, in some cases, love them. This happens because those who protect themselves so hard are also victims of a crack in love, generated by some past experience.

Thus, to avoid reliving the sting of their wounds they are furious as certain animals when they protect their territory. The other, any other becomes his enemy. Hence, a minimum contact with the armor of the one who protects can cause pain.

What is the antidote to reverse so much damage? What remedy exists to break the armor of those who have endured so much suffering? How can we help them undo such a spell? First of all, it is important to say that the cuirasses collapse little by little. It is a process that needs a dose of love, understanding, patience, acceptance and, of course, effort.

As we can see, there are no magic solutions but the depth of connection with another person and of course with oneself. Thus, whoever is related to a person protected by a shell must understand that most of the time it is not she who speaks, but her fear, that immense monster that possesses her and makes her believe that anesthetizing is the best way to face the life to end suffering. Hence, understanding their fears is a very important part of the relationship while showing affection, while abandoning the attitudes of demand to improve. That is to say, we must learn to caress her soul, touch her sensitivity and make her feel welcome.

"Love has no other logic.

It is not to force,

but caressing, as an armor opens ".

-Marwan-

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Now, the greatest effort comes from whoever has built the armor. That person is the one who has to understand that avoiding medium and long term suffering generates more and that although life is not always easy, suffering is another chapter that must be integrated into our history. For this, she has to free herself from the guilt and that hard and rigid attitude towards herself to embrace and give way to love. Because there is nothing more healing than accepting oneself when one is hurt and treated well.

"People fix their hair every day. Why not the heart?"
-Chinese proverb-