Hey everybody!
I had a topic on my mind that was a little more pressing than BuzzSteem today, that I really wanted to talk about.
Why did I leave most of the Discord Chats?
Well, I'll tell ya.
- I created a chat room specifically for women and was chastised about it for creating divisiveness.
This is a ridiculous two part problem. First and foremost, women are in the extreme minority as it is on Steemit and Dtube. Most of the people in the chat rooms are men, and therefore, it is already unequal. Creating a place where women can be the majority is not divisive.
Secondly, the females are NICE ENOUGH not to blow the lid off of EXTREMELY INAPPROPRIATE comments they have received in private chat, but rather civilly discuss them amongst those that they know they won't be judged by. I have attempted to discuss this inappropriateness with other men, hoping to find allies and was given the good ole boys club response of "men will be men."
Newsflash for any men reading this: It's NOT ok to tell someone in private chat that you will assist them with a technical question if, and only if, they "SEND YOU BOOBIE PICS". Firstly, we are God Damn adults, and they are breasts, not boobies. Secondly, REALLY.....I mean...... REALLY? Oh and it is also not appropriate to tell them everything you have envisioned doing to them in your spank bank. WHY???? It's like sending a textual dick pic. Why do men think women want to see that? Ahhhh Steemit, the utopian paradise I've always dreamed of!
- The drama is astounding.
Being part of some of the Dtube Discord channels, and being private messaged on the side, is much akin to playing A Game of Thrones. I even got roped into it. (Who is talking about who? Who is doing what? Who is getting what upvote? Are people after me? And on...and on....and on....)
Ya know where I never experienced that drama? In the Steemit comments. Do you know why? Because it's transparent, and most people don't say gross things or bully you when other people can see it. Discord's privacy allows for abuse and drama.
- You don't get paid to Discord.
The WHOLE POINT of Steemit and Dtube, the thing that sets it aside as a social media, is the fact that you get paid. Why would you spend the whole day in a place where you don't get paid anything? I know, I know, relationships, bonds, etc. Do you know that that's possible to do, even just using Steemit, and I dunno, watching people's videos and getting to know who they are through that?
My advice to you is to analyze the amount of time you have been spending on the Discord and try to cut back even just a little! I have felt much better since, and think you will too!
Catch ya later!
-Beth
▶️ DTube
▶️ IPFS
Hmm, I'v been on steemit for just a few days. was invited to join the discord group, I did but i don't even know the essence of being in the group... I only joined because of the steem school classes and i'v not been able to meet the clsss due to the difference in time...i check up on them from time to time but see nothing. I scroll up just incase i missed something important but see nothing..and then i can't send messages to some other channels like poetry channel... Your advice sounds like a good idea..
And then the females only chat room would have been amazing too..😔
Buh is there a way we can protest or something..? Females wahyasay! 🙅
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I will try to find you on discord and send you the link to the female group! The discords can be super overwhelming!
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Alright, Thanks❤
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I completely understand your decision, I also agree a lot of time can be lost but for myself it is a choice to try help others through creating connectivity and added guidance for particularly new users!
Notes taken my dear, good for you making the decision that brings you the most positivity! Sometimes in life we need to realize when it’s time to rip the Band-Aid off.
You will always have my support as through support from others I have found my direction and I will continue to pay that forward!
Stay strong, keep it real!
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You are awesome! Thanks for the kind reply! :)
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So you made a discord room for women and there was drama? Gee what a surprise. lol Women sure do seem to go at each other for some reason. I think I've already probably commented way too much. I should probably run away like you did. #smart lol
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Yes, women are so dramatic. What a new stereotypical concept you've just discovered. Clever.
Actually, it was the men causing the drama, that forced the women into seclusion. The men who were private messaging women to either hit on them, send them inappropriate pics, or bitch about other people.
My point was that men were somehow offended and victimized by the creation of the all-female discord chat room, when by sheer majority alone, they pretty much run the main chat anyway, and this should have been a non-issue. But, you're right, creating a discord for women did create drama...from the men...gee what a surprise.
Men say and do what they want in the discords and it is A-OK. Women want a place of their own to talk to each other without fear of repercussion or mistreatment though, and everyone loses their minds!
Similar to the bro-rage in Texas when women wanted to, gasp, have an all female showing of Wonder Woman.
Please though, do tell me more about how vicious and dramatic women are.
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Sorry I was going by personal experience. When I worked with women they seemed to fight with each other. On my Facebook there seems to be drama between women but also women and their baby daddies. With the women and the baby Daddies I think I would generally side with the women about 75% of the time.
On the bright side women drama is generally not as dangerous as male drama. Women seem to take a lot of digs at each other whereas a guy might "just" try and murder another dude after like 30 seconds instead of being catty for years.
I have a discord account. I talked to one person on it so far. I'm scared I might go into a room and have some whales flag me into oblivion. lol
Can't you kick the guys out of your discord room?
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There aren't any guys in the discord room that we have now. But the ones that were in the other room have kind of a lot of power. I didn't realize how much power until I pissed off the wrong one and stopped getting dtube upvotes for a while. I guess that was my "be nice or pay the price" warning.
If you want to be smothered by fake positivity, any of the dtube discords are the place to be. It's really not my thing.
Sorry to come off so salty. I have just been having to go into defense mode the last few days. You really seem quite nice. Thanks for all your thoughtful responses.
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Wow that would REALLY suck. That's one of the reasons I am scared to go on Discord. If I made a whale mad my account could be in jeopardy.
Overall I wish Dtube worked better and I wish some of the Dtubers would blog. I think the big Dtube upvote pulls people away from Steemit. So far I haven't been convincingly lured into Discord but there are a few people I wouldn't mind talking to on there.
Yeah my original comment probably came off bad especially since I'm pretty unfamiliar with how Discord works. If you own a room in Discord can you ban people?
Do you know about @dustsweeper? My solo upvotes don't count.
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Yup. I'm lucky in that I got into DTube and Discord though DTube Daily and that's remained my kinda safe space. it was only after that that I came into some of the other channels and I just can't keep up with it all. DTube Daily still has that vibe where we are actual friends - not with everyone of course, but you form your own relationships within the group and the support is second to none. We have regular virtual meetups and that really helps to consolidate the relationships. If it gets much bigger though, I imagine it'll get unwieldy and difficult to keep up with.
Time though, right? It's as finite for me as for everyone else and Discord really does eat up huge amounts of it. Is it really part of the hustle? I think that's down to the individual. I think without it I might have found myself feeling like an outsider.
Anyway, enough about me. I enjoy your content Beth. You're a hard worker, creative, funny and honest. It's a winning combo!
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Aw that's so sweet. I have never been in on Dtube Daily, though I don't know why since I have been Dtubing Daily since late December! :)
I have def been made to feel like anytime I voice any concern about anything, I'm just being a Negative Nancy and it's so frustrating! Honestly, I think it has forced a lot of people into private chat too, because not everything can be positive and happy all the time. I have made some solid relationships too, so for that I am very lucky and thankful.
It is a total time suck though, so there is that, haha.
Your content is great as well! Hopefully if we just keep at it, we will one day reap what we have sown here on Steemit and Dtube! One can only hope!
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It sounds like small dick syndrome to me. Fortunately, some men aren't like that.
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I somehow always seem to have run-ins with the ones who are. I guess because I say vulgar things and joke about sex, that it's an open invitation for guys to say what they want to me.
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Im with ya, I even kinda feel the same about curation trails tbh. Love your honesty. Too many people trying to "make it" and soley focused on getting power and getting upset when they dont get the recognition. Love this!
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Yeah it's all very...cult-y. I have never been much of a rah-rah gal. Those conferences where everyone is there to "build each other up" give me diabetes, so to find so much of that in the discord is nauseating.
And it's not that I have a black heart, though, that's questionable hahaha, but like it's just not genuine. I have NEVER been a fan of words. I tell my hubs this all the time. "blah blah blah" is all I hear until something actually gets done, or changes, and ya know what? Most of the time it doesn't, which cements my reason for only hearing "blah blah blah". Don't tell me you'll help me, HELP ME. Don't TELL me you're going to get to the dishes, get up and do the dishes. Don't say that you love me, if you aren't going to do the things that show it.
I apply that to a lot in my life, and here is no exception. People SAY to be positive, support each other, etc, and then turn around and stab each other in the back in private chat. I will not lie here and say that I have never talked shit. I totally have, I can be a beyotch. Whatevs, but I am not out there peddling this "positive" bullshit either, and frankly, sometimes someone just has to say something. I have paid dearly for it, but I'm not going to live a lie either, it's dumb. That's not me. I support people in my Steem circle by upvoting them, resteeming their stuff, I used to do a daily Steem show recognizing people, like Reseller does now. That's how I "supported the community". I see that the majority of people peddling "support" seem to only really care about themselves in their videos and such. "My videos are to help other people". Bullshit, some of these videos exist because people like to hear themselves talk. I like to make people laugh. I like to sing. That's why my videos exist, but I also try to help people by actually meaningfully interacting with them on the blockchain.
Anyway, I'mma drop this mic and be on my way. Thanks for your reply! Sorry this got so long!
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Put out my honest response to your video :)
https://steemit.com/life/@aarongmunoz/kv0wtpo1
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lol dont apologize! Thats the way my wife & I def strive to live too. H.O.T life, Honest, Open, Transparent.
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Hi Beth. Don't leave the ladies group haha. I'm agree with you about discord group I don't know people in the group at all. I do want to know people in there but I can't follow all what they are talking about and I don't know what to say also. I feel that your videos are real and you are very open about it. I like the way you are :)
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We should strike up more convo in that discord for sure!
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Do you still have the ladies discord chat? I would love to join that one. I think that it is ridiculous that people are sending such inappropriate responses as we are adults and that should never be the case. Also, "men will be men"is such a terrible way to address this... it's common courtesy to not make someone feel uncomfortable. Thanks for addressing this!! I think it is an important thing to point out and no one should make you feel down -- especially for simply just forming another discord channel for women here.
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I do! I can send you the link!
Honestly, I think once a creep always a creep. Some people just think they can say or do whatever they want without recourse. It's frustrating, but that's been my personal experience.
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Yes -- please send it to me!! :) & you are exactly right. Social media has its pros but among the MAJOR cons are that people feel like they can say anything they want to others and often cyberbully. I always say this but I couldn't imagine being an impressionable kid on social media these days. Glad you had the courage to speak your mind on this topic and not give AF. haha
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Dang. I think having a woman's voice channel is a great idea and those opposing it are the ones creating discord on Discord. Glad you stood up for this problem. I'm sad to hear about it, but not surprised.
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discord on Discord. I love it! :)
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Without discord plankton will suffer for food like me.
But I agree with you on all the points you mentioned, we need women on the blockchain, it's just that some girls/lady are not technically incline with the Internet.
Some lack Internet literacy, some dont have gadget and many find it hard to understand crypto in particularly.
But the aspect of men doing that shameful deed in dm is animal like in behaviour and disrespectful
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Well I mean, in the crypto sphere, I am a female who has educated MANY men about how it all works. Men who didn't even know what blockchain was, or had never heard of Steem. I think most people in general have a hard time wrapping their head around crypto. It's pretty mind-blowing. But yes, men have acted like animals in the discord, and I am sadly not shocked.
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It would be nice to learn at your feet too but I always tell myself ;
"don't let other people's attitude / behaviour control my decision"
Who knows if there is someone there(discord) who will Need your knowledge if you desert discord wholly lol
Well done on your humble part promoting steemit and cryptocurrency to all gender.
But Facebook, twitter, Instagram are profitless and a waste of time unlike discord
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OMG! That's a whole lot of insanity right there!
I honestly really like Discord, I had never used it before jumping on Steem, but it can be a massive timesink at times. That said, especially being a Curie curator, I'm constantly interrupted and approached by people who I don't know, who want something from me... which is frustrating... I've never had to deal with any of the rubbish that you've clearly had... that's obscene... (also, I'd like to guess that anyone bartering for their technical help probably can't help).
I'm constantly outraged by the online hate that strong women receive, and it's definitely a downside to the super quick globalisation the world has seen. The positive is that people unhappy with how their own culture treats women can now find allies, but cultures where women are looked down upon or mistreated also get new avenues to shout their hate (not saying any particular culture is good or bad, there's jerks everywhere).
I'm kinda still angry about the international news that that cinema in Austin made about a female-only showing of the movie Wonder Woman.. it was such an incredibly bizarre thing to get upset about.
All the chastisement and inappropriateness is all about power and control, and I honestly don't know what the solution is... I worry it might take generations to fix. UGH!
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Well, Wonder Woman saved DC and boys were pissed about it. She literally, single-handedly saved the franchise, and she didn't have a penis, so the online boys brigade collectively lose their minds.
I have never been a proclaimed feminist, but man, my experience on Steemit has been eye opening. I have always been a male sympathizer because that's how I was taught, raised. But when the #MeToo movement came to be, and I saw how many of my friends had been sexually harassed, or raped even, it forced me to come to terms with my own past, and how I have been treated by men, and it's not pretty.
The problem is that so many women are still where I was at. They see supporting their fellow female as going against men in general. I don't feel that way anymore. Men support each other. Like, for how "not-gay" these online broskies claim to be....their love for one another and for penis in general makes them look "super gay".
Anyway, I didn't mean to open this can of worms, but it's kind of ridiculous that the living I was making on Steemit was pulled out from under me, because I decided I was done grovelling. So much for anti-censorship on the ole blockchain!
Yeah, I don't think things will ever be fixed per se, or fair. But at least I have learned to live with it!
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I went to a boys only Catholic high school, so I've never been a male sympathizer, haha.
It's a shame... and I totally agree... the basic biological differences between men and women make it unlikely that the vast majority of men will treat women like equals. Competitiveness and aggressiveness is definitely part of the male DNA, and so, where do we go from here? Send all dudes to Tasmania until they learn to behave? Elon literally chucks 'em on Mars.
Ah... so I guess I haven't been paying attention, but what do you mean that the living you were making from Steem was pulled out from under you? Did I miss something? I thought you were smashing it with songs and Buzzsteems!
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I was until about a week ago, where I opened my big fat mouth. There are a few people who pull the strings with Dtube upvotes, and I stopped kissing the ring of said person, because I think he is scamming the system, and my upvotes stopped nearly overnight.
No way that was a coincidence, even with their new upvoting policy. Everyone else who is still in that circle is still getting upvoted.
I was considering doing an expose on the whole thing, as I think there is some DMania level chicanery going on, and Ned pulled the plug once enough people came forward with what is going on, but that will be a huge blow to Steem if we lose our one major video site, other than DLive. Though DLive was originally supposed to be for streaming, not just hosting vids.
It's kind of a mess, and I am deeply depressed about it, because I have done a lot for that platform....but I digress.
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Oh man, really? Well, that's highly upsetting. Can't we have just one platform that corrupt? I'm literally learning coding and programming right now so I can start to smash in some Utopian projects.... hopefully they're not too dmania-y.... but I guess we'll see.
Your dtube drama is crazy upsetting... but I guess I'm not super surprised. Arrrgh!
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Be my friend. I'll never ask for or request anything...lol.
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@bethwheatcraft I left some discords for the same reasons and as you, I feel so much better now. There was way too much bullshit going on in them. Don't get me wrong I still use discords but if I start to feel the environment is getting too toxic for my liking I make sure to leave them.
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Sometimes purported "positivity" can even be toxic. Like, whoa.
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Yep TRUE THAT!
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I'm still trying to figure out what a "spank bank" is. By the way, great point, discord is a time consuming useless app.
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As per the Urban Dictionary:
spank bank
Noun. A zoo of images one creates in his or her mind in order to be withdrawn at a later date to be used as assisistance while pounding one out. The bank is only temporary storage and is inferior in many ways to the cellular phone camera.
:)
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Hi dear friend I have upvoted you
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Great video, Beth. Really appreciate the honesty here. It pretty much resonates with how I feel. I can't believe there's so much drama of he said she said in some of these groups. I actually joined one of them because I wanted to be part of what seemed like a caring community. As much as I tried to interact or be part of the community I actually ended up feeling more alone and isolated due to people playing the game and only talking to "important" members. To be fair, not all of them are like this and I have made friends with some but the fake positivity thing is legit. I mean, when someone is more or less yelling at someone to stop being negative and start being more positive on discord you know something's up. Anyways, sorry to rant. I guess your vid really got me worked up and I don't usually like to social media bash cos I find it pointless for the most part.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! It can only get better on steemit from here on out :)
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Yeah well, the people who are doing well for themselves are the super positive ones. I have been messaged by some of them though when things seemed to start to go downhill, and can assure you, their "positive" tune changed to "panicked and angry" as they badmouthed the people who started to do well.
Though, everything seems back to the way it was, so those same people are all positive again. It's so laughably predictable.
Yeah, I think things on Steemit will be ok. I have given up hope on Dtube ever really being fair, but I am hoping that things will pick up soon and get a little easier.
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I must say I agree with that.
I'm in lot of Discord Channels but I rarely use them :P
And tbh, that part about Positivity you mentioned, seems to me like that is the case just in general chat :P
If you know what I mean...
peacee
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Yeah general chat was what I was talking about with the positivity stuff. "be positive or die" in the general chat and then "talk shit behind everyone's backs" in private chat. And the world spins...
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0:26 lol nice :)
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I enjoy your views. Thanks for keeping it real. Sorry to see your mishaps with discord.
Catch ya!
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Always keepin' it real. I'm astounded at the response of those who have also had troubles with discord. I am glad I decided to open up about it.
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I actually just mentioned ya in the latest vid haha. Keep speaking your thoughts, they're good
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I find it rather annoying to be honest. Aside from the horrible stuff women have to endure, there is no real guarantee anyone will read your links or upvote your stuff. Most of your time is better spent, in terms of ROI, is either thinking about how to make the best video for your dtube channel or sorting out costume ideas or how to be more entertaining or whatever.
There are some upvote bots that work through discord and it can help a bit, but on the whole it's starting to get annoying (it beeps incessantly).
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Beth, yes, the people who are divided will say you are divided. It is their problem, their reflection, deflection, generally. And people tend not to get how life gets. Thanks for talking about this.
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Yeah well misery loves company. Positive on the outside, miserable on the inside, and what better way to spread that than to pit everyone against each other....
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You are better off for leaving. Hang in there better days are ahead.
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Thanks for the encouragement! I hope so!
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Good post
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Good post
Visit my blog @juninho
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Good post
Visit my blog @juninho
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