Mistakes, Failures and Maybe More to Come... - I Apologize Now

A friend here made me realize my own mistakes here lately, I come off as a bit harsh and bitchy these days and I apologize. It has become really stressful these days in real life which is kind of reflecting on my posts and comment replies as my tiny ego here says defend itself. The biggest stress in my real life which is - uncertainty and my struggle for survival have taken its toll on me, it is probably time to unplug and unwind - get a life for me. I know some of you are aware of my personal project which is kind of too much to work on it alone simply because - I have no choice. But really there's NO EXCUSE for my behavior.

I made a lot of mistakes in the past, in my travel experiences too. Another mistake is that I don't care too much, way too much. The side effect of freedom. I try to reach balance but there's no balance for me. I tend to lean on the extreme side of things.

I placed too much self-importance on myself lately which is kind of the opposite of what I believed in, I'm like preaching about ego and not feeling special, and in the end, I kind of like portraying this image of being special. Which is clearly I am not, there are people here in this world who are far better than I am.

Different realities, different perceptions.

I probably had misinterpreted people's realities being projected to me, and unknowingly I am projecting my reality into theirs. I have stupidly decoded some people's messages that come off as good intent because of my different reality at the moment.

Maybe I will not put blame on my own personal stress, maybe it is just me the whole time. My ego projecting my own insecurities and failures.

I made a lot of mistakes in the past, in my travel experiences too. I got hurt most of the time in my travels and because there are bad people in the world like me. It is still my fault in the end because I don't know how to accept the reality of the world, the reality of people these days. It is time for me to stop feeling hurt because I am not special in this vast universe. That is something I learned in my travels, and in this environment as I look around. There are people out there who have bigger problems you know, I should probably be thankful that I have food and shelter at the moment. There are people out there who really have nothing.

Every day, I try my best to become the best version of myself but I fail all the time. I keep on justifying my beliefs, my behavior, my reality. But yes, don't believe in everything I say and I know you guys already know that because you have your own realities too - which I don't know.

Part of me suspects that I'm a loser, and the other part of me thinks I'm God Almighty.
― John Lennon

I have once attacked some people, here on Steemit too and I have stayed away from them. I guess it is time for me to spread this message. I guess I am revealing too much about myself lately - maybe I am really too much for anyone.

I cannot promise that I will not misbehave on my comments again (maybe I am trying to be important with this statement again), but I am sorry for the future misbehaving. 😔 NO EXCUSE and no more justification.