The Steemit Hierarchy and 1980s Nostalgia

When trying to safely navigate the perilous waters of Steemit, there are a few groups of users that you should watch out for:

First we have Ned, who was cool and collected like Knight Rider, with the most advanced vehicle known to man, but Ned was eventually left stranded on the side of the road, when his ride abandoned him to create EOS. So, without his ride or the knowledge to order an uber, he began to look more like David Banner: walking from town to town; hulking-out and destroying everything in-site, every time someone mentioned EOS.

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The Witnesses are like the Jetsons, you’ll never know what kind of new tech they’re about to dazzle you with, but after each hardfork they begin to look more and more like the Flintstones, but I doubt that will last forever, because I’ve heard rumors that HF22 will remove the ability to make fire in the town of Bed Rock, so that will be interesting to watch.

The whales resemble Star Wars figures that we loved for the nostalgia, even though, unlike GI Joes, they never had movable elbows and knees. We love the whales because a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, they used to vote for us, but sadly those days are long gone and now they reign over us like sith lords: ready to choke the life out of our posts for the slightest infraction.

There is also the dolphin club: they’re like the Care Bares, who received all the love from Ned and Dan in the beginning and were told share that love with the community. Sure, they are always on TV and doing photo ops; showing how much they care, but, deep down, we all know that they just lay around all day looking at girls in bikinis, on the trending page, while rubbing each other’s bellies until their love bursts out, all over their chests: it’s really disgusting to watch!

Next there is the berniesanders crew: they’re like Transformers, you can never tell if these guys are coming or going, or if one is standing right next to you since they have more accounts than noganoo. One minute you’re having a pleasant chat with someone, then you realize you got flagged by the whole crew, or even worse, you realize that you’ve spent the last hour chatting up a ‘ro-bot in disguise’ in your comment section.

The berniesanders crew aren't interested in public opinion and since there are no female Transformers, unlike the dolphin club, they don’t get distracted by hot girls. These are real men: interested in complete domination and bonding - with other real men. These men use giant flags as their standard weapon, but, whenever they draw too much negative attention, bernie pulls out the big guns: by calling his victims homophobic or bigoted, for not approving of his lifestyle. How diabolical is that?

I almost forgot the fyrstikken crew: the wannabe transformers called Gobots. There is not much more than meets the eye with these guys: they just create bootleg versions of Bernie’s tech, so we can buy a less profitable vote from their randowhale knock-off. Then, while waiting to capitalize on Bernie’s next project, they brag about how they are the real masters of disguise, in order to impress any naive girls that were rejected by Bernie’s men, but as soon as the Gobots sense danger, their cheap, plastic legs fall off.

Then, there is the rest of us: on the surface we resemble Smurfs; sure we may seem happy-go-lucky, but something evil is lurking in Smurf Village and you never know when one of us might freak out and say: “Smurf this smurfing smurfed-up web-site, I hope you all smurf in smurfing Hell!” which completely smurfs-up our reputation and we end up committing smurficide.

If you enjoyed or hated this post be sure to smurf it.