I'm going to start a little daily diary here because it's fun and it gives me validation. Lots going on in my life and I need to make major changes. This guy who I really like who has been my only friend and support just left me in the most brutal way possible, and I don't know if I'll ever get over it. I'm addicted to drugs, doing horribly in school and may be expelled or have to appeal that decision. I got a D in Hebrew! Hebrew! My favorite class! I wrote to her though and tried to guilt her again, I feel like an idiot. I spent all this time accommodating this stupid guy who now leaves me high and dry, no friends, and education in jeopardy.
Where are my priorities? I have got to quit this drug but I just don't think life will have the same joie de vivre without it. I know its painfully obvious that this is the cause of my misfortune. Oy vey. Well let's just hope that I get okay grades in my other classes, but a D in Hebrew is bad considering its 5 credits out of 14. Idk. And I keep trying to make money on the internet doing this stupid porn thing (I have some fetish blogs that I made with that guy who just left me and they were doing pretty well) and like cryptocurrencies and writing about the Holocaust - when I should just be writing my essays and going to class.
It's like, how can I not feel like a total fucking idiot! I had everything, and it's my SECOND chance too. Amazing apartment right next to school, free access to credit cards, and a clean slate on my transcript. What is it in me that is so self-destructive? Idk. But I need to change to make it out of this. Like actually change. I don't think I've ever done hard work in my whole entire life. Lesson for parents: don't spoil your kids! They end up completely helpless in this competitive world!
Omg, I miss him so much. How could he do this to me.
HAH WHAT A JOKE
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