Am I a troll? is that what this is?

Seriously, the thing about being a troll?

I am trying to decide.

lol
in my first days on Discord, in the PAL room, I think, I got called a troll for saying, stating emphatically, that we live on a spheroidal body spinning in space.
And then I walk into my front room here in meatspace, and find this in the middle of the floor

this is from way back in steemit prehistory. Seems like a world away although it was also in my house.

I find these photos.

bastard trolls, taking photos with my camera.

I got into a few more arguments again recently, and I walk into the same front room a couple, three days ago and find this on the floor

I mean wtf. I immediately went to look in my fridge

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I have struggled for days with this post, I started it here,
lol

but it is now how many days later?

lol, that surprised even myself
this time, and even that's probably outdated, as I have been procrastinating all day.

(I am also wondering how come I have so much Voting Weight?
Have I been delegated VW? delegated steem power.)

When I get this written I will have to investigate.

I am so out of the loop
I closed discord before, finally, until I get this post written.
And then I did nothing about writing the post.

I have been in conversations all day.
Skype is there too
All of these days.
Wow, there's so much that I need to put into one post.

Because my original title for this post was the one below, and what I had written is still below that.

Let's have a look at it

The future of Steemit and me, myself and I;

Bots, Snowflakes, Spammers and Thieves

The future of Steemit & me, myself & I, bots, snowflakes, spammers, scammers, spamhammers jokers and thieves, huge amounts of ignorance and mountains of dross, and a few good men and women.

and such large mountains of ignorance and of the virulent strain too

the type that can't be gently corrected.

it's been a small lifetime, and now I am revising and editing again, and it's three days late, I think
(haha, editors note, stardate 2017...)

so many Richard Parkers must mean something.
I mean look at the concordance there.
If only I had noticed the number of posts, I could have gone and left six comments.
But I hadn't even noticed that at first, just flipping out about the 52.58 VP. I suppose a few minutes later it would have been 52.6
I am not at all sure I am going to double these figures.
Those that can be doubled anyway. I am thinking especially of the days on steemit.

A day or two ago, I would have been able to give an answer to that, and it would have been in the negative.
I was half out of here already.
I am not happy here. This will kill me if I try to keep up what I have been doing.
And for what?
I am earning very little here so far, and can't see that changing much into the future.
I don't need to earn much, but this is ludicrous!

The only reason I stayed, is that I have not got to the end of the time that I promised myself I would last before considering seriously the idea of leaving.

And then, with the freedom of not giving a fuck about what happened to me here, I started to be even more myself.

Like a bird on a wire,
like a drunk in a a midnight choir
I have tried
in my way
to be free.

like a beast with its horn,
like a baby still born
I have torn
all those who reached out to me

words from the late great Leonard Cohen

And I have been sort of enjoying it a lot more, but the troll problem has entered my head.
Now it won't go away.
I have tried in my way to do the right thing all these years, in fact I suffer so much from choosing the wrong thing, that I have long since given up trying.

I got this image from @surfermarly 's post about freedom.'

I came to steemit for the money, haha, but I don't post to make money, but rather to move people, and that's funny.
If I was doing it to make money, I could post the types of posts that always work.

If such a thing exists, and to a certain extent, everybody on here recognises that there is a certain type of steemit post that works!
Although there is more a certain group of steemiters that always seem to get their posts steemit perfect, or so their earnings say.

Steemit is broken, at least for me

lets all just admit that the way steemit is right now is the opposite of how it is talked about.
And people are going to get upset that I am saying these things.

But they need to be said!

There is an advertisement for steemit that says "Artists can get paid to be Artists" and that is just not true, not even slightly true.
The same for the rest of the claims in that advertisement.

The only one that is true is the one that says (I don't think it is there) "Bloggers can get paid to be bloggers"
Artists can get paid to blog about being artists, but that's a real different thing.
If they really want to get paid, Artists can blog about steemit or cryptos, like the rest of the people who earn money on steemit.

Now, let me state that in one sense it's true.
I don't really mean to imply that I thought anything else than the reality of what I have found here.
I was fully conscious of what I was doing, entering into a blogging platform.

And it has been one of the most valuable experiences of my life so far.

my life which is starting to seem long.

And I am so utterly conscious that I am in the second half of it, the (even more) pain half.

haha, lucky I have had plenty of training
And I still have plenty of drugs
lol

I'll survive as far as I can.

source goodreads via google images

Now close to doubling the 27 club age, after thinking I would never make it.
I used to work on the assumption that I would be dead by 25, and then I turned 26!

now I am 51 and a half, and I may last eighty or more, or I may suddenly drop to the ground with a catastrophic something, anything or everything failure.

I will go that way, but I can only hope it is at a moment that I have been able to organise what happens to everything, especially the dogs and cats.

It torments me to think of them being left here without me.

Even more than the thought of getting through at least 12 more deaths of my non human bestest friends.
Each one so far has ripped me to the core, more so even than the loss of human friends.
It's the damaged goods aspect of my core, although in the normal ways I am past that view

I am love, it's written on my wall.

I don't know how long this post will be, 'cause there are several main things, and heaps of smaller issues to talk about., but steemit is broken. At least for me.

The only reason I am still here, is a few individual people, mainly met in Discord chat in PAL. (plus my aforementioned commitment)
And also, yesterday (now ages ago) when I reached out with some disturbing info to a few people, I got a very good response from several, and that also gave me a new lease on life, steemit wise.

Because the daylight robbery is insane, and most people seem to prefer to pretend it;

• isn't happening
• isn't important
• isn't any of my business
• etc

All of which I think are verifiably false.
Which brings us to my next critical point.

ignorance!

Ignorance is rampant on here disguised even to the speaker sometimes.
I have had people argue seriously about humans sharing the planet with dinosaurs, because they had some sort of special knowledge, passed to them in a dream

A lot of it is wilful ignorance too, which is the only type that is hard to forgive.

I am not kidding, although as I mentioned before I got called a troll the first day I came here, for laughing in the (virtual) face of a flat-earther.

Which was funny as hell, and then I found this the card we saw before

lol

and then last night, the other one

and I started wondering if I am a troll.

I had to rapidly answer comments yesterday, on conversations that have been going on for ages, every few days they realise I posted another rebuttal, and then I post back etc.
and I was rushed and tired and crabby.
And I was curt and unpleasant
Both of the conversations had been very frustrating.
I was tired of both
I am tired of the ignorance and the lack of thought that most people put into things on here. And in the outside world, let me stress the point.
But steemit promised to be different

Issac Asimov once complained that people seem to think that their ignorance has an equal weight to his knowledge.

I concur!
I am astounded how people go on about things they know nothing about and argue against people without knowing who they are arguing against and what that other person knows.

I have had several long interchanges that should make me quit.

You might ask how come I go about picking arguments with people, and I say steemit.
I have been on the net pretty solidly since end of 2004, and I soon discovered that it not only had porn, but also knowledge, both arcane and not so much.

I like holes and I like rabbit holes, so have been down heaps.

And I know some shit, enough to know when people don't know enough to be opening their fucking mouths.

well, this is going poorly. I have a potty mouth, as they say.

but on the wider internet, I don't suffer from the

image source, the original

problem much, but on steemit, I have been looking so much more for that interaction.

I have been burned badly by this steemit thing, and if it was worth it, I would be complaining about the lies and deception at the base of it.

But that way I just lose the rest of my friends on here, or at least one or two more of them.

Or maybe not, but I know that many people seem to think, here, just as in the outside world, that if we don't voice the truth we can make it less true, or even false.

I have a heap of favourite quotes these days, and any one who has talked to me over the last few years has heard this one.

"Someday soon we will all be sitting down to a banquet of consequences", which I had attributed in my head to Guy McPherson, but according to the internet is from Thomas Payne.

And I understand that people can sleepwalk into something like steemit,
(not sure how exactly as it's so fucking hard to get going in)
but there's no excuse for closing ones eyes to what's going on, once you are made aware.

Steemit is being promoted out there with complete lies, and half truths which are more dangerous and for me far more damaging.
And I think that the concentration of wealth is actually worse than in the real world.
the one percent on here have everything. Everything.

And here I am participating in the advertising, I come on at 1:15

I only say the line "across the steemit blockchain" but I am seriously doubting everything these days.
I say yes to everything people offer so far

but I shouldn't have been on there, as I am almost certainly a bad ambassador for steemit now.
Steemit has been killing me, and not so softly.

These were my feet one day when I looked down at them...

I have been working on steemit about 16 hours a day, or more, and I have done a lot of overnighters and more.

All for a ridiculously small amount of money, that I am keeping invested in the platform anyway.
People are always going on about earning money on steemit, until you start to talking about not earning money on steemit when you expected to, and then suddenly it's, oh it's a bit unrealistic to be expecting to earn money on steemit.

If you are from many places in the second and third worlds, the earnings from steemit could change your life.

I have had the most outrageous spammers, but I have got them to stop, mostly, not through flagging but instead love, even if it is fake.
Is it fake?
I really care that the person learns and doesn't just get tossed.
And it got me declarations of love, and that always feels good

No wonder they are willing to be spammy though, when it gets enough money to pay the bills.
If I could actually earn a relevant amount of money on here I would be doing whatever too, I suppose.

Or that's simply not true.
As I already said, I know how to have gone so as to have clawed my place into the earnings, and I am not prepared to go there.

the bots

And that brings me to the bots, I hate the fucking bots. Well, I don't hate them, some of them are fun, but I hate that the bots come instead of the people.

I know some of the bot-runners personally and I know they are doing the right thing in so far as they can.

but the bots are not my thing.
And just sharing the love sounds good in theory, in fact I delegate to to bot accounts.
But I can't be happy with my forty cents, or two bucks even.
I have nothing else and thirteen mouths that I feed, or fifteen sort of.

I know that I could have gone along to get along, my friends are doing well.
The ones who focused outside themselves, and made the rest of us their focus.

But that's not what artists do, or should do, imho.

and I sure as hell didn't come to steemit to post about steemit
but I have done heaps, or at least about steemit's impact on my life.
Train wreck like influence, but the sort of train wreck that keeps on giving

I mean I can write 9000 words in a session, if I don't try and reign it in, and write for steemit.
Cause let me tell you, I have no idea now where I was going with all this.

This should probably be twelve different posts

By the way, once I started moving around a bit more and thinking about it, I got my feet to look a bit more normal, for them

Thanks for reading, if indeed anybody got this far

If anyone would like to see an extensive, although unfortunately by no means complete, collection of SpaiNgaroo artworks, they can visit my main domain

There is some work for sale at Saatchi online gallery
and a Redbubble print on demand shop
and a fabric and wallpaper shop on Spoonflower too although many of the designs are still not available for sale.
sorry

Blame it on the sunshine,
blame it on the moonlight,
blame it on the good times,
now blame it on the steemit.

video bicho hmmm... sometimes
don't really use twitter, but robots do
the facialbook, if you must

Well, as usual thank you for coming by anyone who is reading these words, and don't be afraid to show your appreciation, or criticise the hell out of me.

if you would like to help us survive send

bitcoins

to
37R8CJBsizPvThmDzu7GT24zZ6DYv9C2Gq

dogecoins

to
DFy5VD4ohEntW6nc84Dfh2SwdELDiepnZK

all the steem you think we should have to @spaingaroo

ask about buying my artwork for steem

whatever you think is a fair thing.

lol

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