STEEMLORDS Tales: BATTLEWOM V BATTLEWOM

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Scouting out ahead of the main party of adventures, nay, Steemlords, the Vombatus Clusterfuckius reminded himself, BattleWom snuck silently through the dank undergrowth of the dark forest floor.

Who was the enemy now?

More orcs? an ogre? a troll?

A dragon?

The only real enemy BattleWom could truly loathe was the demon that killed his mother.

Suddenly he stopped. No muscle moved, no fur quivered.

BattleWom sniffed the air - and thankfully he was far ahead of the Steemlords' bumbling progress through the undergrowth behind him.

Steemlords are so crazy he thought to himself. And stinky. Why are they all so stinky? BattleWom suddenly found himself thinking of ChooXena and he rubbed his eye with the back of his paw.

No good will come from that line of thought.

He continued on quietly.

Whiff..

Whiff, whiff...

There was a strange tang to the air which he had never encountered before. He could hear the ruckus continue behind him - but it was an ordinary, safe, arguing kind of a ruckus. Not a 'WTF I'm about to die screaming' kind. So his comrades in arms were safe.

But, for how long..?

BattleWom didn't like this place. Where were the gum trees? Why were there all these thick dangly spiderwebs everywhere?

...Why can I smell celery?

BattleWom started to canter. Whiff..

Suddenly, he burst into a clearing with a neat row of celery growing in amongst strawberry bushes and bunches of carrots. A pond lay on the far side of the clearing, but who cares, right?

"Yippee!"

Roots, shoots, leaves, twigs, and soggy half chewed carrots, strawberries and celery stalks sprayed the clearing to the happy tuneless humming of "Wom, wom, wom, wom.."

After a time the feasting became even enough for BattleWom. He found a place in the sun, took off the Hat of Obfuscation and the Helm of Beatrice and lay down to take a short nap, not noticing the increasingly tangy odour in the air..

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And BattleWom dreamed of a happy day, not so long ago, when he had made a friend...

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The moon was high in the night sky when BattleWom awoke. The gentle sounds of insects going about insect business was the only sound. BattleWom donned the Helm of Beatrice and looked around for the Hat of Obfuscation - because two hats are better than one, but couldn't find it. His searching brought him closer and closer to the pond's smooth, glassy waters, until suddenly he was peering at his own reflection in the moonlight.

BattleWom screamed.

"No! that isn't me. It cannot be!"

He looked up at himself from the depths of the pond. All he could think of were the eery red eyes of the black beast which had slaughtered his mother.

Noooo!

BattleWom reeled. He backed away from the pond, until he ran into a tree. With a rending screech of tearing timber the tree crashed to the ground. Startled, he ran blindly, and his noggin of destiny smashed through another trunk. Wood splintered, and another tree toppled. Now totally freaking out, BattleWom scurried from tree to tree, toppling them like bowling pins in an alley.

"Noooo!" And BattleWom dug. Down, down down into the dank moist earth. Howling against the world, deeper and deeper he dug, until at last he could dig no more and sadness, bitter and empty, overtook him.

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BattleWom had long ago lost all sense of time. He lay at the bottom of the tunnel and the vision of his mother's death played and replayed over and over in his head. And the real killer wasn't the black demon with the fiery eyes. The real killer was him. For he had led his mother out of the burrow, had ran and ran and ran, and she had followed.

And then the earth turned to stone and he had stopped. He had stopped. And the eyes, white hot he now remembered, yes the red was the pulsing boils on its bottom, yes the eyes... "Run!" she had called to him, but the eyes. He had never seen such light. The beast was roaring now. "Run little Wombie!" she had called him, then darted out and butted him off the rock... and had died.

After a time BattleWom's mind started to slowly calm, though his little heart thudded fast and loud in his chest. There was a powerful tang in the air.

"Oright?" squeezed a little voice beside him.

BattleWom snuffled and opened an eye. A small green-glowing bird - no not bird, birds don't have arms and legs, and hair - thought BattleWom. A small green, glowing... and wings... not a fairy?

"Hello BattleWom. Sorry about that."

BattleWom gazed at the creature. "What? For what?"

"We just wanted to expand the clearing, especially get rid pf the boulders, you know. Didn't think you'd go all explody on us... though probably should have guessed, I s'pose..."

"You... what? You made me see that so I would clear some rocks away for you?"

"Um..." the fairy looked a tad nervous... "yes?"

BattleWom sniffed, and wiped his eyes. "Why didn't you just ask?" he said, "I feel like smashing something..." and he scampered up the tunnel.

Massive thanks to @sirknight and the steemlords - #steemlegends all.

Check out the other awesome #steemlords posts and join the fun!
Images from pixabay.com mashed by @drwom
'Charlie the Squeeing New Age Minotaur gives The Fearsome Battlewom a Makeover' by the mighty @ryivhnn