Local Steemit User Accomplishes Everything: "The Best 30 Seconds of My Life"

Unspecified time in the year 20XX, Fresno, CA - Steemstreet Journal caught up with local Steemit poster @schattenjaeger who had just accomplished the impossible.

The task being the successful retrieval of the 1 Up in Quick Man's stage in Mega Man 2, surrounded by the infamous instant death beams.

"Simply put, the best 30 seconds of my life, right there. I started on this journey around age 5, in the 90s, back when we still had Pokémon cards, lava lamps, and Bill Clinton."

Indeed, despite beating Mega Man 2 on several occasions, stopping the evil Dr. Wily's world domination plans in the process, @schattenjaeger has never been able to manage collecting the 1UP in Quick Man's stage. A feat so extraordinary, many a brave man dare not even talk about it.

"It's haunted me for over 20 years. Yes, I've defeated Quick Man. Many times. But we all know that it's a hollow victory, at best. The true test of a man, in any field of life, is securing the 1UP in the middle of the laser beams. The split-second precision, the pixel-perfect timing. So few have been able to live to tell the tale. I've been on temazepam, triazolam, zaleplon, and zolpidem over the years, just so I could fall asleep, but I've still woken up every night in cold sweat, screaming Quick Man's name."

Mr. Jaeger gets emotional in the middle of the interview when he relives the past 20 years of failure for one last time.

"He's always had a psychological edge on me, simply because I've been unable to fully conquer his laser trap. And he's known it. For over 20 years, he's known it. And he's laughed at my face. But it's over now. For good."

Pictured above is Quick Man, the evil robot master responsible for the multi-decade long anguish.

Despite the agonizing rivalry that no doubt has taken a toll on our hero, he does find it himself to have some semblance of sympathy towards his antagonizer.

"You know. Many people will judge Quick Man for becoming part of Dr. Wily's evil robot master army, looking to enslave all humanity, but I think his story is that of a victim, almost. His name is Quick Man. Imagine the lack of success with women with a name like Quick Man. I'm sure he's never experienced the gentle touch of a woman. I think that's what ultimately turned him evil. For Quick Man, I'm sure 'the best 30 seconds of my life' has a completely different meaning."

As for future plans, now being able to exit Quick Man's stage and finally put the controller away for good, @schattenjaeger had an easy answer.

"I can see my family again."

The accomplishment was not without sacrifice, however. It will most likely take a while before @schattenjaeger manages to find a new purpose in life.

"The existential dread is already setting in, no doubt. This has been my life for two decades now. This one thing. I need to set my sights on new goals. Like putting my pants on. But before I look too far into the future, I'll self-medicate the existential crisis by indulging myself with intoxicating substances, meaningless sex with prostitutes and watching re-runs of We Got It Made. After all, that's the American Dream, right?"

Steemstreet Journal will provide further updates as the story develops. Until then, Steemstreet Journal would like to congratulate Mr. @schattenjaeger on this monumental occasion.