For the first time in 2 weeks I finally got up the courage to put myself in a social situation, by myself, as a female. In fact my male roommate and my male mentor had encouraged me to do this.
all three of us have an aversion to a woman having to have a male accompany her everywhere she goes. I also wanted to go and he was sick and that shouldn't stop me from going.
Anyway I went by myself to this music circle. I had gone several times with my mail roommate. The second and third time I had gone with him they had greeted us. Thinking back, it occurred to me that they might have only greeted him and treated me like I was a backpack on his back. Because, when I went by myself that night, those same people that greeted us acted like they didn't even recognize who I was! I went in and they said, “Miss, have you been here before?”
I was crestfallen. Thank goodness my mentor had taught me to keep my cool. I looked right back at them, and replied, “of course I've been here before. I usually come with Roger but he is sick tonight”, and I had to hold back from saying, “is that okay with you guys or not?”
But I didn't say that part. After I sat down, the woman sitting next to me, asked me “where is your other half?” I looked right back in her and I smiled and I said “Roger and I are whole people. he is sick tonight. I'm glad to be here and I'm glad to see you” She just kept staring at me for another second or two. I kept on smiling; then I stopped smiling and turned away. Thanks to my mental wellness process and my mental wellness program, I was able to keep my cool and focus on what was in front of me for the rest of the evening. However, after that exchange, I'm not feeling as motivated to go anymore, even with my roommate. If they're going to treat me like I'm half of a person or not a person ust because I don't have him with me, I don't feel like going. I have two choices I can either stop going and have a resentful attitude, or I can try and hash it out with them. In light of what I am dealing with, I'm going to have to tell them myself how their behavior made me feel instead of having my roommate tell them for me. that will be the real acid test. To find out if these are people I really want to be around. This will take courage. I fear I may only make things worse. My inner wisdom says that if they get upset with me or if they tell me that it's inappropriate for me to talk about these problems, these are not people I want to be around. If they are receptive and understanding and they are drawn closer to me because I communicated my issues then they are people that I would like to be around and I can continue to go to the music circle with or without my roommate. Communication is very important even if you think someone is not going to listen. One of the issues we have in our society is not being able or willing to communicate or listen to one another. We need to work on that. We all do.
Update may 26:
I decided to leave the above unsaid with the group and let it slide. I also noticed however that a disabled member of the group was being verbally abused so I decided to not go to the group too often because it feels like a toxic situation to me they don't seem to respect women or disabled people very much. I'm very sensitive and those two subjects. I have decided not to stop going to the group but not to patronize it too often.
Carol E.