Many years ago,their live a man in the land of dream,this land is a beautiful land where you can desire whatever you want,but to fulfil them,you have to step out to the nearby community known as the land of work. This man is with a desire to become rich,famous and to one day rule the world,but he is not willing to step out into the land of work. Though he has seen many of his friends becoming what they desired by just stepping out into the land of work. After he has become so much frustrated of his situation in the land of dream,he decided to go to the land of work to see for himself what made his friends to achieve their dreams. There he learnt a lesson that dreams are not enough,you have to work it out.
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Your effort to strike the contrast between work and dreams is good
I agree, dreams without work are not enough. It is a message that resonates well with most aspects of everyday life. That is an encouraging lesson.
However the narrative does not flow well, and too brief to stand alone as a short story.
You might need to revise it more.
Cheers!
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Thanks for reading through my post,your advice is of great benefits as well. But i don't see the reason to elongate the story once the message is passed. Hug!
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I felt this is more of a parable that you heard in church than a fictional story. I don’t feel it is from your own imagination. Thanks for trying anyway.
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Actually I'm not the best fictional story writer in town,but the story line are actually mine. Sorry if it don't fit into the scope of the contests,but i think it still pass message to someone somewhere. I appreciate your comment. Hug!
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Well it’s a good message! May you should be a priest. It’s the kind of guidance a priest should give to his flock.
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Hahahaha, You are in spirit,i'm actually a priest. I'm sure,it will speak to someone here,probably not everybody,but someone.
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You do well to take the advice, @emmakwisequote, rather than countering each with an excuse/explanation!
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Enjoying myself is one of the many reasons i'm here,and i think i'm doing that conversing with her. Thanks bro,you are such a nice person.
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Thanks for the compliment. Maybe you are a priest after all!! hahah.
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Their is nothing to doubt about it,that is who i am.
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