I woke up. I glanced at the alarm clock on my desk. Showed at one o'clock. Lately, I've always woken up at midnight because of a dream. The dream played by two people, me and you. I take a sip of water that I always provide at my desk. I took a breath for a moment. Looking for my conscious remnants. Why do you always come in my dreams? Why are you always a flower in my sleep?
I immediately left the room. Go to the ablution place outside this little house I live in. I live here alone. The cold night air was instantly felt when I was in the doorway. Solo city atmosphere if the night like this more quiet than my birth city, Bandung. Yes, I prefer far from my family in Bandung there. I want to be independent. Since entering high school, almost 3 years ago, I chose this city as my place to study. Although initially my wish was strongly opposed by Father, but in the end was approved as well. Besides, here is Bude Marni who will be watching me. The distance between my rented house and Bude's house is not too far away. About fifteen minutes.
After the ablution, I enjoyed this cool night air first. I tried to close my eyes for a moment. But your shadow is there. Whatever I do, why are you always there? Why is it always about you? About you, which is not created for me.
'Dik Bisma, how about a bengi instead ning njobo tho?' greet someone with his distinctive Javanese accent. Around where I live here, it is the environment of college kids who wander from their respective origins.
'Nothing Mas' I replied. 'Kumaha damang Mas? Mas Suryo himself why even the streets? '. He is Mas Suryo, my friend who also leased a house around the neighborhood. One of the 4th semester students at Sebelas Maret University majoring in Civil Engineering. He is a native of Klaten. Usually I call people who are the same age as 'Akang', but since I'm currently in Solo, I have to get used to the environment here. Although sometimes, I still often use the language of my own birth, Sundanese.
my own language of birth, Sundanese.
'Damang Dik. Difficult because of the assignment of college, often make Mas a walk like this. Wong his name is also more stress, mumet 'he said smile. 'Later if Dik Bisma be a college student, will also know the same whose deadline duty mepet.'
'Abdi tea is often also rarungsing akang. High school kids are also a lot of tasks kok .. 'I said wearing keceplosan Sundanese language. Seen a confused streak on the face of Mas Suryo. 'I mean that, I also often dizzy Mas. High school kids do a lot of work .. '
'Oh. Understandably Dik I am not a Sundanese. The plan Dik Bisma is going to continue here here in Bandung? '
A difficult question to answer. 'If I stay here, I will also be far away with you, the man I find in this city.'
'Do not know anyway. Punten ya Mas, I go first. '
If you wake up in the middle of the night like this, I'm used to praying tahajud. After that, I will feel more calm. I came back to throw myself into this not so soft mattress. Your shadow is in the ceiling. I do not know, wherever I look, there is your shadow. Banyanganmu, which is now far from me.
This city full of Javanese customs, the city that meets you. I never thought before, that meeting would introduce me to a friendship. Between you and me. But in the end that friendship also introduced me to a taste that is difficult for me to digest. Everytime I see you, see your smile, there is a vibration that spreads in my body. What is it called love?
This morning I'm getting ready to go to school. Although Teaching and Learning activities are also finished, but at least I can meet my friends arms.
'Wilujeng enjing Mas' sapaku to Mas Budi who lives right next to me.
'Morning also Dik, going to school?'.
'Yes man. Mas Budi himself getol pisan atuh already neat like this? ' I asked. Perhaps, those who know me, are used to hearing me who sometimes slip by talking Sundanese. They also understand what I mean.
'There's a lecture at Dik. Yes already, Mas go first ya 'farewell.
'Mango Mas.'
Incidentally the distance of school with my residence is not too far away. Only by walking alone is also affordable. In front of the alley, I met two men who looked like they were college kids. I do not really understand what they are talking about, because I am not very fluent in Javanese. The value of my Java language course is the lowest in the class. Understandably indeed. But I'm not specialized by my teachers. I am the one who should be able to adapt to my own choice.
'Never mind Bus, I hope neither you nor me start now do not get too close.'
That is the cruelest sentence I've been hearing from your mouth. Although it sounds soft, but it seems to drive me out of your life. I still remember that sentence that afternoon you told me. Sentences are strung together, after you are close to him.
'I do not want to blame you, my first love is gone. Now, you have to understand if I've been with Zi. Reduce time when we are together, we are friends, but not forever we are together. '
Zion Candradiatama. The name is much cooler than my name, Bisma Karisma. The person is also cooler than me. Yes, I realize, without you telling me to stay away, I'll get away first. Ever since you knew him, you were rarely there for me. You changed, unlike the Afisya I knew before. So, do I have to stay in this town, without anyone expecting me here.
Nowadays, you just walk away in front of me, without any preliminary greeting me. I know now you belong to him, but what our friendship just disappear? Maybe you already feel the vibrations I've been feeling, so you tell me to stay away before I start falling in love with you. I thought it was too late. Sya, you've made me fall for the first time. You are after your first love, and me? I have to stay away from my first love.
'Where are the buses going?' asked Reza, he's my classmate. But I often call him Spell.
Always, and always ask about it. That is a difficult question to answer.
I just shrugged my shoulders.
'If you go back to Bandung, Fisya how?' she asked innocently. Yes, he knows that me and you are close. But Reza just know that our relationship is limited to friends.
'There's Zion Ja who will take care of him.'
Reza looks frowned, a sign he's a little confused. 'So the news is true?'
I just nodded weakly. I took a sip of iced tea that I had not yet touched.
'But they do not fit. I think you're the same with Fisya. '
I smiled at her. Sometimes, the opinions of others are the same as what we expect. But not the same as reality.
'Oh yes Busy, what if Fisya is sick again?'
I'm a little surprised to hear that. 'Naon, neng Fisya teh gering?'
'I thought you knew Bus. I heard from Santi that Fisya was sick again, he said he had a fever. '
I parted with Reza at the intersection near my house. I'm a little anxious to hear you're sick. But I should not worry about someone who told me to stay away. That does not mean I'm grudging, I just want to obey what you want Sya. Apparently, Bude is already in my house.
'Not yet Bii?' asked Bude Marni to see me coming. Bii is my calling in my family. 'Not yet Bude. Next week.'
'Yo wis, Bude wish you all the same with your friends.'
Apparently, Bude here wants to convey a message from Mother.
'Did you call, you want to go here in Bandung?'
That question again. Why am I always faced with that kind of question again? Again and again, I have not found the answer. I'm still confused and hesitant. 'According to Bude, what should Bii be?'
'Why, why even asked Bude tho? Lha wong iki your choice Bii. '
I just took a deep breath. 'Bii confused bude.'
'According to Bude, Solo or Bandung sing important Bii betah' said soft bude. Bude I already think of as my own Mother.
'Bi mah mah belegug pisan ya bude. Can not choose your choice. '
Bude just smiled.
Solo or Bandung?
'Kumaha this mah' my mind confused.
Arghhh! I'm really confused. Honestly, I'm not ready to leave this city yet. 'If you keep me from going Sya, I'll stay here.'
I never thought before, I was created in this world for whom? Is it just for my parents? What is clear is that I was created in this world not for you Sya. Vice versa. You were created also not for me. Though I was created for you, but you were created for him.