Love forfeited

When I observed the way Chris’ eyes were often locked onto her and how he carried himself around her, I knew I had a difficult decision ahead of me.

Chris and I were brothers by all accounts; not by blood anyway but by volition and by a bond stronger than any imaginable. We were so young but knew each other so well that one could often tell what the other was thinking. We had endured so much together and watched each other’s backs for the longest time. We were, in a word, inseparable.

As fate would have it, I felt the same way for Tracy as Chris did. How could I not? I could have sworn her voice was that of an angel, her lips were the perfect shade of red and she had these eyes that reminded me of the night sky. I simply loved the way they lit up when she said something with conviction. And her laugh, Oh God her laugh. It was hysterical by all means but so blissful and provoked even the worst of us to laughter. She had a light about her that could touch the soul of a person. I can understand why we were so drawn to each other; she was a perfect child and I was broken and damaged. She was bent on bringing me out of my shell and getting me to loosen up to others. To this end, she tried to get closer to me and I could feel both our worlds slowly merging.

So, I avoided her as much as I could and told her she was nothing but a thorn in my side. I told her I was only trying to take advantage of her and with those words, I cried a little inside me. ‘’I had to see this through’’, I told myself. And finally, I told her she was dumb for thinking I ever wanted anything to do with her.

In truth what I had done as not only to sever our growing affections toward each other but also to set the stage for Chris to swoop in as her knight in shiny armor and comfort her up after I had sent her little world crumbling down.

After this I kept to my taciturn self, never really being able to connect with anyone except Chris of course. Anytime my eyes met hers, a wave of regret would sweep me, reminding me of what could have been and I would almost instantly avert my gaze. But I reminded myself of how happy they seem together and sometimes I really believe I may have made the right call.

Chris and I never spoke of her or him getting together with her directly. He often implied subtly and tacitly. I often wonder whether Chris had read through the whole situation and realized I was playing the villain only for him to be the hero. Who knows, we were so young back then.

What matters most, however, was that I was there for him when it counted and he finally looks to be in a happy and stable relationship now. I would do it all again in a heartbeat to see him like this.