@stellabelle : please don't blame yourself. I was close with her, too. I'm sure many of us are thinking we could have done or said more, but she has been at it for a while and in a lot of pain. The doctors could not fix her, and neither could we. As much as we might try. I know she valued every one in her life that gave a damn. Her family, the people that were supposed to be closest to her, failed her. Not us.