Well, that was a fun rabbit hole to tumble down! Strap yourselves in, everyone, this is gonna be a wee bit of a trip!
I like to use Input Method Emulation (IME) for typing in Japanese every now and again. My Japanese is absolute rubbish, but I still use it anyways. I had some updates come down the pipe at work, and all of a sudden, I can't use the Japanese Alphabet! Normally, I can switch to Japanese, and then change from alphanumeric to kana. Now, I can change, but cannot select any of the kana options in the Japanese language pack!
Bumbling around a bit, I tried changing a few settings, and then the craziest thing happened. I somehow changed my display language to Japanese. So all the menus are in a language that I can barely read! I looked kinda like this when I opened the settings app for the first time:
After a bit of frantic flailing, I found the language settings (thank god I can recognize 日本語, which means Japanese, the language) and switched it back to English so I could work again. I was still stuck at square one, but at least I had recovered properly.
I ran across this post in my search for more answers. And for the most part, I think it will help me fix the majority of my problems. You're probably wondering how to fix this, and why it's happening. Well, here you go!