Net Neutrality (or why Ajit Pai should go die in a very throttled hole)

Net Neutrality is a very hot button issue right now. For those of you that are uninformed, net neutrality is the regulation that ensures that ISPs treat all data packets in an equal matter. This law ensures that ISPs can not selectively block, or slow down certain websites or force users or business to pay a fee in order to get access to certain websites. In other words, you like Netflix. Cool. You like paying $30 a month for Netflix so most of that money can go to your internet provider which you already pay $200 a month towards. Then you’d really like our new FCC chairman Ajit Pai.

Ajit Pai. He must be a good guy because he has an oversized Reese’s mug and he uses totally funny memes like “Do you even English Bro?”

Our amazing, beautiful, wonderful new FCC chairman Ajit Pai has realized the poor, helpless big ISPs, such as his former employer Verizon, don’t have enough money. He feels that Net Neutrality stops ISPs from being able to innovate. Specifically, being able to innovate new ways to steal our money. Now for those of you who like Net Neutrality and don’t want to see it go away, don’t worry.

Now some people worry about the many negative implications that could happen with the removal of Net Neutrality. Consumers worry that they might me charged more for accessing certain types of websites, or that some small businesses might see their website blocked unless they pay ISPs ransom in order for their users to access it. But don’t worry, Pai and his fellow big ISP executives ensure us that this has, and will never happen (just ignore the time when it did happen).

No ISP in the world would ever do something like this.

Now after reading this article, you might become worried about Net Neutrality. Well you shouldn’t be. Despite the fact that major ISPs want to get rid of regulations that stop them from unfairly controlling the internet, they promise that they will not unfairly control the internet. And besides, Pai won’t get rid of Net Neutrality on December 14th, he’s just moving it from a Title II regulation to a Title I regulation where Net Neutrality can’t be enforced (totally different things).

That’s good enough evidence for me.

P.S. Don’t try to access this post after December 14. Your ISP might charge you extra unless you’re subscribed to the Controversial Content package for only $79.99 a month from Verizon®.