What Would Your Ten Commandments Be?

If you were Monotheist God imparting your ten commandments to humans today, what would yours be? Here are mine. 😀

image from Monty Python and the Holy Grail

1: Don't be a self-righteous prick who presumes to know who is "saved" or "not saved." The only thing y'all need saving from is yourselves.

2: I do not like your fictitious "nations," and I certainly do not like your fictitious nations' militaries. Jesus did not pin a bunch of deputy badges all over the US and ask it to go play Archangel Gabriel all over the middle east. Sit your ass down, America. You are in a time out.

3: Thou shalt not rape. If someone does rape, their willie shalt be cut off like Loreena Bobbit was their spouse. If you are going to use your willie as a weapon, you have to prepare to be disarmed. If someone rapes a child, their willie shalt be cut off AND they get put in a jail cell with Big Bubba who thinks they're Pretty. Big Bubba's willie shalt not be cut off. If the rapist dost not have a willie, they get put in that Everlast chastity belt from Robin Hood Men In Tights.

4: Thou shalt not oppress other people for existing while Different Than You. You are not being oppressed if you do not get to oppress. People whom you have oppressed getting mad at you is not Reverse Oppression.

5: I do not give two shits what people wear, eat, do every seven days, who they love, where they live, what they call me, or what they call themselves. I care if you're a selfish douchecanoe.

6: Bombs are evil. Full stop. No exceptions. If Hitler is having a rave, you realize half the people at the rave are frightened servants, and you send in Seal Team Ghostbusters or something. Hitler is dead.

7: STOP DESTROYING THE PLANET. You don't get another one. She is not a disposable napkin. Clean up your mess. You don't own Her. You cannot own another living thing. She is a living thing. Just like you are made up of millions and billions of bacteria and cells, she is made of millions and billions of other life forms.

8: Share. Don't be greedy.

9: Stop criminalizing people's lives. If they didn't hurt anyone, it's probably not a big deal. Consider "who was hurt (or not)" and "why they did it (like, were they hurt?)". Circumstances matter. Arbitrary demonization of people making life choices does not.

10: A home, food, clothing, water, healthcare, heating/cooling and other utilities, and other basic needs of life are RIGHTS, not privileges. I give you plenty enough resources to provide for ALL. EVERYONE deserves them. Yes, even the willie-less fucker in the cell with Big Bubba, let alone someone you judge to be "lazy." EVERYONE. See #8.

Tell me your ten commandments in the comments! 😁