As a disease that affects a person in body, mind, and spirit, alcoholism seems nothing more than the pass of liquid through the lips to the outsider and can thus be avoided by the simple restraint or restriction of this mundane act. Yet, unlike other maladies, it is difficult to understand and defies reason or rationality.
Powerful, cunning, and baffling, it possesses a self-preserving and -perpetuating element and, by means of denial, removes the victim from connection or cognizance of it, causing him to vacate his consciousness and swear that he suffers from no such condition.
It colors him, changing who he is. Yet, like those who witness the roller coaster ride of his behavior, it manifests itself in the drinker's dual personality. Akin to a rolling snowball, however, it consumes his soul, progressively enlarging. For this reason, it is classifiable as a "disease."
"We see our loved ones slip away without their being aware of what's happening or being able to stop it," according to the Al-Anon text "Courage to Change" (Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., 1992, p. 84). "They look perfectly normal on the outside, but the sickness is progressing (on the inside), and they become more and more irrational and difficult to be around. When they have lucid moments and once again seem to be themselves, we want to believe that they are well, but those moments pass and we despair (again)."
Those who deal with either alcoholics or para-alcoholics-that is, those who exhibit the same erratic behavioral characteristics, but do not ingest the liquid itself-falsely and futilely believe that they can fix, cure, or influence their "habits." However, their actions once again stem from an all-consuming disease and the will to combat it can only come from within them, which is mostly thwarted by their denial that anything amiss needs to be repaired.
"When I accept that alcoholism is a disease, I am forced to face the fact that I am powerless over it," "Courage to Change" continues (ibid, p. 84).
Pure- and para-alcoholism became the impenetrable wall between drinker and nondrinker, yet wear the face of both, and speaking to it or pleading with the person is nothing short of trying to penetrate the mask or barrier which separates in- from out-sider.
Although attempts are made to destigmatize alcoholism and thus reduce the shame inherent in it by comparing it to other diseases, those other maladies seldom in- and affect those around them in such behavioral and detrimental manners. As the dilemma that is beyond the alcoholic's control, it breeds para-alcoholism in those who are chronically exposed to it and leads to their own powerlessness in triumphing over it without Higher Power intervention. It knows no boundaries, as the person afflicted often lacks.
"Since alcoholism is a family disease," according to the "Adult Children of Alcoholics" textbook (World Service Organization, 2006, p. 13), "all family members are affected without having to take a drink. With an amazing predictability, the children grow up to be addicted or marry an addicted or compulsive person. Many adult children become addicted to alcohol or other drugs, thinking their lives will be different (from those of) their parents."
"Adult children intuitively link up with other adult children in relationships and social settings," it continues (ibid, p. 13). "As bizarre as it sounds, many adult children are attracted to an abusive, addicted person because that person resembles an addictive or abusive parent."
Because my father was a non-drinking para-alcoholic, whose dual personality bred my own survival traits and left me without understanding of the reason for his detrimental actions toward me, my own recovery path first entailed ascertaining what caused it, leading to the finally-uncovered mystery that his father had been the actual alcoholic, and then implementing the steps toward a solution, which ironically entailed the twelve steps themselves.
My mother often said of my father, "He has the problem," to which I always responded, "He had the problem. Now I have it."
"My acceptance of this family disease allows me to stop wasting energy fighting a hopeless battle, and to turn instead to sources of genuine help and hope-Al-Anon and my Higher Power," "Courage to Change" concludes (op. cit., p. 97).
Article Sources:
"Adult Children of Alcoholics." Torrance, California: Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, 2006.
"Courage to Change." Virginia Beach, Virginia: Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., 1992.