A Couchsurfing Dilemma: Don't Break My Heart

I wrote about my Couchsurfing experiences in my travels, and probably 90% were all good. I had been welcomed by humble families, students, friends, couples, and people from all walks of life. I had nothing but gratitude for letting me stay in their homes for a night, two or three. I host people in my own country too (if I can and if you don't claim to be holier than I) because I believe in paying it forward.

I understand it is not for everyone, some people would not prefer to stay with strangers, which is fine because the hosts don't prefer to welcome strangers in their homes too, so you see, it is not all about you - it is more about if they will accept you. After all, you are the stranger staying for free in their space. You are a stranger in a strange land.

If you don't have a lot of money to travel and you still want to travel the world, then this community is for you. Now, if you don't like the idea and you have money, then by all means - PAY. If you don't have money and you don't like to stay in local people's homes so they can shower you with love, give you their extra room, open your mind, live their lives, then - just stay where you are. Life is easy.

Although I can attribute my awesome travel experiences and my thinking to all the people I've met from all over the world through this community, I also had bad experiences just like in anything else in life. Wherever you go in this world, people are people after all.

I am not going to hide my bad Couchsurfing experiences with my male hosts. Don't get me wrong, I have heard horror stories of men staying with their females hosts too, and it's basically just the same. But let me talk more about my own experiences.

I stayed with male Couchsurfing hosts in the past and they became my good friends, because why not? There are really just good people not asking for anything in return (like you know what I mean), only like the typical exchange - cooking, language practice or cultural exchange. I try my best not to hold these gender stereotypes and probably that's why I get into a lot of trouble. But yes, there are some people who want more. Sometimes, I can't blame them for blatantly trying and oh, wow, I also thank them for not forcing me to do things that I don't like. Women, as we all know, have the power to decide.

I flew to Rio de Janeiro alone for the first time in South America - full of hope, good expectation, and excitement. I read the feedback of my Couchsurfing host in Rio and they seemed all good. I can only rely on his Couchsurfing profile and feedbacks from past guests because that's all there is at the beginning. He seemed to have earned a good reputation and had an extra room in his condo close to the famous Copacabana beach. What more can I ask for from the goodness of people?

At the beginning, it was all good. You know how things are sometimes with the male species if they are hunting for something. I will not omit the story that he was being touchy and all that while he showed me the nightlife in Rio. I didn't like him so he did not get any responses from me. I was already feeling uncomfortable, trapped. He was recounting his story of how he was making out with another Couchsurfer in that same spot where we were that night. It was my first night in Brazil - big country! I didn't know anyone, in short, I was helpless. I didn't know where to go. When he asked me to smoke marijuana with him in his bedroom, I said no. I'm pretty sure it was clear. That time, I was also made aware of the consequences of breaking a man's heart.

I was already planning my escape after that night, it was hard. Can you imagine being alone in Rio and confused with everything? I was crying because I wasn't expecting to have such a horrible experience here right the first time (which all changed later and Brazilians became my favorite people). He was already treating me like shit the next day as we tried to bike around the city. We failed to continue due to my ADHD and clumsiness (I was locked inside the house when I was a kid). It was all my fault and of course, he got mad. He overreacted, started shouting at me, judging me and all that. Oh geez, I didn't mind him eating his sandwich alone in the kitchen nor did I mind leaving him asap.

Thank goodness I met someone who helped me and let me stayed in his friend's family's house which was really awesome because it was away from the city. It is kind of like la favela neighborhood, which means people are more humble here.

I still had some similar experiences which lead me to my own dumb conclusion that men can be like that, don't break their hearts or expect wrath. Payback time ooooh! And women's ego can be just as fragile as men's when it comes to rejection. We all know it, rejection stings, it is like suddenly, we don't feel that special anymore.

My bad experiences in Couchsurfing didn't stop me from giving humanity a chance, like I said, I had 90% good experiences to focus on. It is just these days, I prefer my own space. I kind of balance it now, I might still be Couchsurfing in the future but just more on meetups because sometimes, I don't like this unspoken obligation. However, for the first-time travelers or those who are traveling without that much money and want to have genuine local experiences, a fresh perspective of the world and life lessons, then this community is for you.