Travel Will Not Cure Loneliness

Broken bottles and empty roads yet in another strange place. You go back to the room that is not yours and find yourself on your own again. Waking up wondering where you are, lonely or just tired. The I've-been-there badges get to your nerves by now. A beautiful place loses its charm. Conversations become repetitive. Someone in the other room brings in someone for the night then dumping the person back to the road. The whole psycho cycle and emptiness of traveling.

People think travel will cure loneliness. Something that will bring spontaneity and excitement to life. A promise of adventure and new opportunities on the road. But honestly, travel only distracts you, at least momentarily. The truth is, you bring yourself wherever you go. If you were lonely before you left home, I guarantee you will still be lonely wherever you are.

I know because I was and I am still. People can worsen the feeling and they can make your life heaven or hell. If you don't believe that people can make a big difference in your life, try to work for years and deal with horrible bosses every day of your life. I guess one of the good things that travel brought to my life is that I developed a good judgment of people. It does not really mean I am judgmental in a bad way. I am just less dumb not to tolerate shit and not to waste my time with disrespectful people. You might get this when you travel and it will make you feel even more alone in this world. People are more preoccupied with themselves. I would rather be with someone who is worthy of my time and smile.

I no longer need to pressure myself to chase happiness or pretend that it is there as the spiritual books say. I like it this way and all I can do is to enjoy the comfort and convenience of being on my own.

Don't fall for the glorified version of people's lives as you don't know what really imprisons them. It sucks to look bad when what you are doing is cool for everyone else. I can guarantee that a nomadic person or anyone traveling solo for a long time is not completely happy or satisfied with his or her life. Most are just searching for something somewhere. Finding happiness on the road and denying emptiness.

I am not saying that everyone who travels for a while is lonely. You can surely meet people you can call friends. You can also meet your significant other. You can find your passion or true calling somewhere. The opportunities are endless as long as you're brave enough to deal with uncertainties. As long as you have the courage to take the first step to the unknown. If you want to die, why not die along the way? But what if you didn't die? Where is home and what are you going to do for the rest of your life? The society continuously pressures you to look for purpose. There are those who never found the missing piece of the puzzle. Those who didn't fit in anywhere.

I think the spiritual books and the likes of eat, pray, love that tells you to find your happiness by going on some expensive spiritual retreat somewhere is only written to make money off the lonely middle-class people. Loneliness is a big industry these days, especially in the modern societies. People go to great lengths just to escape their lonely environment.

We are told by the spiritual gurus that happiness comes from within and that external factors will not change anything. But this is easier said than done. No amount of deep breathing or stretching would do, you are just masking and repressing your true feelings. At the end of the day, you still need someone who understands you. But when you begin to see through people as you get older, it gets even lonelier. That's the price of wisdom. You'd rather not be disappointed again and again because damn, it is tiring to be beaten all the time. Not even travel can make things better. Wherever you go, you're still a bit on your own.

Travelers usually come from individualistic societies and you will rarely even see people coming from poorer countries. It is not even because they are too poor to travel, they are just happier where they are. There's no need to travel. They are from tight-knit communities who are not used to snubbing their neighbors or looking their noses down at other people. And so travel becomes like a big club of privileged people from high societies. And if you don't belong, you're an outcast. Loneliness gets even worse.

Even though traveling has been such a life-changing and eye-opening experience for me, it has also done some damage in my being. Honestly, I've been deeply traumatized by the people I met. As much as I want to focus on the good things that happened, some things will always be in my mind, like a scar. I just choose not to remember.

I've always been alone by choice and it does get lonely sometimes. After an exciting day, drunken nights, adventurous weekends, I still find myself back in the game. I can be with anyone and still feel alone. It does not change anything as I travel.

Learning from my past mistakes and experiences with people during my journey, I know that I don't have to belong to the travel club anymore. I'd just be grateful to meet someone who is different but I will not be expecting anything from anyone anymore. They are like a hit or miss. I would probably travel again not to cure loneliness but more to embrace it and make it my own best friend. To accept and understand what I'm feeling at the moment. And to recognize that I will be the same wherever I go.