Diary of an Escaped Expatriate, Part 7

---

The Indonesia I describe in these articles will sometimes not be the same as what tourists experience; living and visiting Indonesia produces two vastly differently experiences in some ways. Even experienced travelers and sociologists are unlikely to notice what's behind the "tourist experience" unless they stay long enough. It isn't enough to be socially adept and astute - you must be there long enough for the masks to slip. Most Indonesians are, by and large, good at tolerating the eccentricities and ignorance of law of tourists, but that tolerance eventually dissipates if you live there. You are expected to learn their language (at least Indonesian, if not the local language), participate in events and so on, although the pressure to conform will tend to be subtle for quite some time, especially in major cities like Jakarta, Bandung, and Surabaya, and Bali Island. Although Kuta Beach, Bali, is famous for semi-nude bathing, and you'll see kissing in some places, both are actually illegal in Indonesia. Indonesians will, usually, greet you politely and warmly into their homes, have you sit in their parlor and offer you beverages (no alcohol in most homes) and snacks, and chit-chat with you politely. If you want to avoid making a social faux-pas, dress appropriately (pants, not shorts, and a short-sleeve shirt, with sandals), don't show the soles of your feet, don't touch someone's head, and don't be overly honest/forthcoming to the point that someone is embarrassed or made to look bad (especially being confrontational), you should find it a pleasant experience. I highly recommend you use slip-off sandals when visiting places in Indonesia because, aside from restaurants, stores and museums, you'll often be asked to remove your footwear. If you go into Hindu shrines/temples, you'll also be expected to wrap something around your legs if they are exposed, and women who are menstruating won't be allowed in - I believe that last stipulation also holds true at Muslim mosques and Buddhist temples. In fact, if you're going to visit holy places, dress lightly but conservatively, covering most of your body, and don't expect to be allowed to take photos everywhere. Indonesians are fairly patient when it comes to the ignorant and even abrasive behavior of tourists, but don't push your luck. Many Indonesians smile a lot - this is because either a blank expression or a smile are socially acceptable in most places, whereas other facial expressions are not. What you experience in a home is expected politeness, not genuine friendship.

Even social functions, such as community meetings - which are held monthly in most places - carry expectations. The host of such a meeting, called an "arisan" or "Pertemuan RT", is not required to supply any food or beverages and is given some money as the host, but they are socially expected to supply something, even if they are poor. Some will even spend more than they received and can afford in order to avoid feeling embarrassed.

Always carry toilet paper (if you don't want to use your hands), soap and hand sanitizer, because many public bathrooms provide nothing other than a bucket of water and a scoop, or a water sprayer to clean your privates. If a restaurant has a sink, the towel to dry your hands will often be dirty from lack of attention, but you'll usually find soap at such sinks. If you think of it, you can ask to borrow soap before you use a bathroom that doesn't have any. If you've never used a squatting toilet, you should ask someone how to do so because they are ubiquitous at most establishments and even some malls. Some people are so uncomfortable/unfamiliar with sitting toilets that they'll actually climb on top of the seat and squat there with their shoes on! If you have leg problems, you will find squatting toilets, which are always built into the floor or a raised floor, very difficult to use. If you're on a tour, make sure your tour guide is aware of this.

In fact, if you're at a hotel or on a tour, always make sure they are aware of any special needs, such as dietary restrictions, medication, disabilities or anything else that may complicate your visit. It is hard to find vegetarian/vegan restaurants, and some smaller places do not have any freshly made food available (having prepared it at a home or serving instant/frozen/junk food and similar), but a smart tour guide can help you. Some dishes are vegetarian or even vegan traditionally because meat used to be very expensive 50 years ago. Dealing with an allergy to lactose shouldn't be a problem, but accommodating a gluten free diet may be a bit more challenging unless you avoid breaded fried food, noodles, bread and cake. Western food is available in some restaurants but don't expect that it'll taste the way you expect. Most foreign food (even Asian and from other parts of Indonesia) has been adapted to local preferences, so may be vastly different than what you expect. This is sometimes even true at international fast food franchises.

Indonesia participates in the failed "War On Drugs" started by the US (which remains the number one consumer of illegal drugs, and the CIA has often been involved in drug trafficking), and they are very strict. "Mules", pushers and even users can get the death sentence, even if they are foreigners. Do NOT accept packages, even temporarily, from other people if you cannot investigate the contents, do not give strangers or new friends access to your bags, and make sure there's nothing unknown in your bags before going to a train or bus station, or the airport or pier. If someone asks you to watch their stuff while they do something, be very careful about saying yes and watch to see that they go where they said. If they are gone longer than is reasonable, contact the local authorities (there are special police stationed at most such places, wearing drab-colored uniforms) and turn over the items to them. NEVER accept a special request from someone who wants you to deliver a package for them to a loved one in another place if you cannot thoroughly investigate the contents before putting them in your bag and, remember that souvenirs may be used to hide drugs. You don't want to end up on death row because someone took advantage of your kindness.

The vast majority of people I came into contact with were the Javanese, so much of what I write applies directly to them and in varying degrees to other ethnicities. The Javanese are, in terms of population and positions of power, the dominant ethnic group. The Javanese are descended from very stratified societies so their language that were from powerful, caste-based kingdoms and its various dialects reflect castes and politeness. In fact, everyone knows that the Javanese language is divided into two broad categories/registers: krama (kromo), which is more polite, and ngaka (ngoko), and some scholars claim that there are as many as 4 sub-registers in each of those two, while most people can only speak 1-4 of them, usually from the ngaka register. The Javanese are further divided into different geographical locations, with those living in the vicinity of Yogyakarta and Solo/Surakarta being considered the most polite and those from East Java Province being considered the least. The Javanese of Banyumas County consider themselves to be more direct and honest than many other Javanese but the distinction is a minor one - they still display most of the same sensibilities and etiquette of the rest of Central Java Province. As is true in many Asian countries, the Javanese are (as well as many other ethnic groups) mostly focused on the concept of harmony, which is based in their culture (possibly having come from India or China, both of which had ancient influence), and overrides religious edicts more often than not. For example, many Javanese people, in order to keep the situation harmonious and protect reputations, will lie to cover up character flaws, corruption, lateness, absences, etc. It is, in fact, quite habitual and accepted because confrontation is avoided as much as possible. Hand and hand with this is the different status of promises (as opposed to oaths), which are really "maybes" for them. Also, if you solicit advice or want to share your hardships, many Indonesians (and some other Asians, too) will take it that you are asking for a favor or for money - even if you say you want advice or their prayers!

I also met Betawians (Jakarta), Sundanese (western Java) Batakians (Sumatra), Madurans (Madura), Javan-Balinese (the real Balinese are called "Bali Age" and live on the northern end of Bali, having been displayed by the declining Mojopahit Kingdom's Javanese who fled there when faced with the rise of Buddhist ...? Kingdoms? centuries before the Dutch arrived), Sasakian (Lombok), Timorese (Timor), Rotian (Roti Island), Sumbanese (Sumba), Minang (Sumatra), Florians (Flores) and others. The Madurans and Batakians are more direct and, in Javanese estimation, coarser. The peoples of Sumba, which is composed of a declining mini-kingdom/caste system for a variety of native groups, tend to be rougher but quieter, and I'm sure the Javanese look down on them, as they do the peoples of Papua, who come from very traditional, nature-oriented tribes that still engage in "primitive" behavior and are prone to drink too much. The people of Flores are gregarious, open and kind, and the people of Timor are similar. Sumatrans other than Batakians are somewhere in between the Batakians and the Javanese. The Sundanese are very similar in many ways to the Javanese, although the Javanese consider the Sundanese women to be more attractive, and also consider the Sundanese to be materialistic, prone to displays of wealth and easier to talk to. In general, the ethnic groups outside of Bali and Java are more likely to engage in violent methods of conflict resolution, although most places are not dangerous for tourists. Be polite and you'll be fine.

Corruption is far and wide in Indonesia and, while it isn't exclusive to the Javanese, as the dominant ethnic group, it is correlative. I saw corruption in Immigration, the police, the military, the Department of Religion and other branches of the government, including schools at all levels. For example, most candidates who wanted to become police officers had to pay a substantial bribe (although I did meet some who paid nothing for reasons I'm unaware of), and that corruption was all the way to the top, as it is in the military. My father-in-law was corrupt, but he was generous with his earnings, sharing them with everyone in his office and his drivers, too. He was known as a fair man and some criminals only wanted to surrender to him because, I guess, they felt they were safer with him (or, I suppose, he had ties to them) and one very famous criminal many years ago turned himself in and that was a big kudo for my father-in-law.

One impression I got early on in Indonesia was that some Indonesians had a poor work ethic or, rather, they'd work hard for a short-term gain but couldn't seem to consider long-term gains or delayed benefits, and this was despite the popularity of chess. I soon noticed, while working at FBI, that this wasn't just laborers, but office workers also seemed to be infected with this malaise. This malaise tends to be historic in

One final note about Indonesia is that a lot of vendors engage in haggling. Price negotiation is especially critical for tourists because they believe that all tourists (especially those with light-colored skin) have lots of money. You cannot rely on what you feel would be a fair price in your home country. Do your homework before seriously buying, or expect to be overcharged. If you have a trusted Indonesian friend, they can probably help you, but if tour guides take you to a particular shop it is because they get a cut of the sales, so you can't hope that they'll help you save money. If you're wealthy, accept that the Indonesian Rupiah is weak versus many other currencies and realize that spending a bit more than the real local price might help that person a lot. As an example, I was visiting a volcanic area near Bandung and a man was selling blowguns. I had no idea how much they were worth. The man and I negotiated briefly and I paid Rp.100,000 (about US$10 at that time) and felt I'd got a good deal. I later discovered that I could've paid 1/4 or less. I got into the habit of asking what price they wanted and offering 1/4 of that, negotiating from there. If they refused to tell me how much they wanted, I'd either walk away or try to decide what it was worth to me (hard to do if you don't know the value). Honestly, if you've demonstrated interest and the store is quiet, walking away may get you the price you want. However, I recommend not showing too much interest in things because they know they've got you. Wear a calm expression, talk casually about various other items, and be critical of the tiniest flaws in what you want. Also, note that many vendors will try to find ANYTHING that meets ANY of your stipulations when you ask if they have something. For example, I was looking for dark green or blue batik shirts but they kept bringing out shirts with other colors because the size was right. Be careful to critically examine any wares you're considering and, if they claim it's made of leather and you're unable to verify that, don't buy it. A lot of "leather" is actually vinyl or similar, and they'll lie about it. If you tell them it's not, they'll admit it but say THAT one is real. It's a common tactic to try to save face. Remember, lying is habitual and frequent for many Indonesians.

---

This series is about my 15.5 year adventure in Indonesia - from teaching and public speaking to marriage and parenting to neighbors and partners to culture and religion to cuisine and art, and more! I'll give an honest, sometimes touching and even shocking look at what it was like to live there for all of you. I hope you'll enjoy it and support my effort to put it all into writing! If you don't mind, resteem it, please!

You may be wondering why I don't post a lot of pictures from my time there. Well, in my early years there, I had a hard drive crash that caused the loss of some of my photos, although I had many backed up to DVDs. Then, in 2015, my backup HDD was stolen, which contained the majority of my photos and, finally, I had to hastily leave Indonesia, resulting in the loss of all my printed photos as well as the old DVD backups from the early years. Thus, aside from what can be found online, I lost a huge number of photos. :(

---

---

If you appreciate this article, please upvote/like, resteem/share and share it to Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, LinkedIn and wherever else you can!