"I am made of sheer fierce spirit.
I am feeling that more and more on this trip.
I am learning many things, two of which are these:
In order for something to be possible, one must first believe in it.
Worrying is Counter-Productive."

Notes from my Trust Experiment 2011

As a woman I heard a lot of different things growing up about whether or not it was safe to go out on my own into the world.

On one hand I was raised by parents who encouraged my ability to "be whatever I wanted to be" and I was raised within a faith tradition that asked us to "call on God or angels for support in difficult times."

However, when I started to mature and felt the desire to go off on my own, I was met with many fearful voices about how it's not safe for a woman to be a solo traveler.

Bridge I crossed in Grand Junction, CO over the busy highway that I started my journey on.

These weren't only the voices of my parents (though God bless them, they have endured much of my solo adventuring and I know it causes them some heartache/worry), but the voices of my culture and well-meaning people who cared for me. As I started to walk my soul's path, it became increasingly clear that in order to self actualize and do the things my soul was calling from within, I had to travel solo.

What ensued were some painful moments as I broke away from the safe and comfortable path (for me and others). I started to look at it as a series of Experiments testing the questions:

• Is it safe for women to travel by themselves?
• Can we rely on our intuition to lead us on these trips?
• Do prayer or other connective tools to angelic or spirit realms "work"?

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As I started testing these questions in real life examples, my life became a great adventure.

I felt more alive than ever before. While what I have learned/experienced could probably be a part of a novel that I write someday (or at least many engaging blog posts), I will share a few tidbits from my journey as I am inspired right now.

A lot of this is on my consciousness as I feel another "growth spurt" happening where my soul is asking me to look at my life and spread my wings in a new way. I've been in relationship with Ini for going on 6 years now (and on the land for 3) and, as it is in life, cycles of interdependence coexist and morph into periods of more solo adventuring. I can feel a solo adventure cycle gestating now and so some of my inner work of late is making peace with where the homestead is at right now and tying up loose ends so that I can birth some personal independence perhaps in the form of travel, but I'm also open to more spiritual inner work in the form of maybe a Vision Question (not too far from home) or some long term meditative time in the wilds (definitely invirogated by a woman named Lynx who has long been an inspiration for me- you can see more of her work here.)

In a way, writing this is me courting myself and coaxing my inner process into words. Writing has always been inspiring to me in this way and I love sharing to discover. Thanks for reading. I hope you find some inspiration or insight, too.

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The first trip that I took that was a real departure from "the safety of home" and also "safer means of travel". It was a "Trust Walk" in the 4-corners of New Mexico, Colorado, Utah and Arizona.

I took a train from Chicago to Grand Junction Colorado and only had a back pack. I didn't know anyone and wasn't meeting up with anyone.

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My plan was to hitch hike around the 4 corners following my intuition. That's it.

I had a rough desire to visit the 4 Sacred Mountains of the Navajo, but that was all. I left the trip 100% open on purpose.

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I want to make something explicit that is likely apparent to the female-bodied readers of my story, but perhaps not the male.

As a woman in a patriarchal culture, our bodies are often still not safe as we go out into the world. Stories (or worse, actions) of rape and molestation hit many of our ears when we are very young. We know that we are predated in higher numbers and that the chances of our bodies being thought of as something for the taking are high. This is the culture we still live in and that is why we are more aware walking on streets at night, leave stores with keys in our hand for protection and basically why so many women are inhibited to take journeys like this.

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I'm not sure of the consciousness levels of my readers so I just want to make a clause here to cut off any unneccsessary comments that I'm not in the mood to entertain: Yes, not all men are like this and not all places are like this. And yes men are also raped and molested and all of it is very unfortunate. This story is acutely centering women's freedoms and is not a discussion about men. Please respect that.

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That said, I went off on my journey with this in mind, with the awareness that being an attractive young female puts me at risk. But that was the crux:

Can life be trusted? Can I follow my intuition/gut feelings as a way to mitigate risk? Is it possible for women to express this type of freedom as we go throughout life or are there always general handicaps we have to live with as "just the way things are."

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My trip started out in Grand Junction, Colorado.

I stayed at a hostel that night and I quickly realized a desire to go north and get out of that shitty city. I wanted to go to Moab, to see the rocks, but there was a mountain range in the way. I should also mention that I was doing this in November so it was literally freezing in the mountains, but I digress.

I started off my journey by walking from the hostel to the nearest highway, which was a very busy route. I was in excellent physical shape (I had just stopped playing Division 1 college soccer a couple of years before and kept in shape by riding my bike everywhere in the college town I was living in at the time). I also studied Outdoor Recreation and Environmental Studies in college so I had equipped myself with a lot skills that 1. helped me read the landscape and 2. feel comfortable "making it" in just about any climate. I could also read and navigate by a map and had some good survival skills. This all helped me feel more comfortable in undertaking my trip.

The first couple hours standing on the side of that road fully supported with a pack on my back were very long hours filled with a lot of doubt. I remember wondering why I was doing this journey in the first place. Perhaps it was a crazy, stupid journey and my idea was stupid, etc. I share these thoughts with you to let you know that in my opinion, this is a part of the journey and a part of strengthening resolve/intuition.

Following spirit from the crown chakra, third eye and down into the body is actually gaining a skill set.

Learning to listen to cues in our environment and subtle reactions in our bodies to stimulus in our environment was actually what I was learning. All of that was rushing at me that first day and the patience I was gaining and the stress response I was working through would all help me in days to come. It's important to remain in a relaxed and trusting state in these times (of course with the caveat that if something is really wrong, you need to get yourself out of that situation.)

For me, however, on that first day, it was more of a test.

Within 5 hours of standing on the side of that busy highway (and wondering if I'd have a better go just climbing over the butte between me and Moab), a huge white diesel truck pulled over with a skull and cross bones on the back (don't worry Mom, he was a safe ride and talked with his Mom and wife the whole time haha). As often happens in the dance of taking a hitch hiking ride, I am acutely checking out the person (especially if a male) and paying attention to his eyes and all of the ways I've picked up in my life here to assess whether someone is safe. It is 100% okay to not accept a ride someone offers you if you don't feel safe!

He asked where I was heading and said he could take me part of the way toward my destination to Moab. I didn't care I was on the road!!!

So goes my first installment (I realize this is getting a bit long and should be broken up) into digging into my Trust Experiment on being a woman solo hitch-hiker traveler. I will share more in coming writings! Look forward to hearing your responses!