Sometimes, I just feel tired.
Not tired as in "I worked all day and I want to sleep," nor tired as in "I just ran a marathon." No, this is the tired of a sort of bone-weariness you can't sleep off. Except it's not physical, it's mental; emotional; psychological.
Maybe it happens to all of us.
A droopy branch in the evening sun...
It usually happens to me — because I am an introvert — when I have spent too much time around people, and there's basically no end in sight.
Purple flower in the yard
I work in a form of retail; a small art gallery... where I am with the General Publick six days a week. Then we've pretty much had people staying for the past eight weeks... in fits and starts; current a dear friend's 13-year old daughter is staying with us, and will be here till the 9th.
Sometimes I ponder the possibility that maybe there is just always something going on, and my desire to "escape" from it is nothing more than pie-in-the-sky wishful thinking.
But there is more to the weariness than that.
Our friend spent a couple of days here before heading on to a long trip to California and back. She has a small soap and body products company, one of the things she does is travel to music and arts festivals to set up as a vendor. She and the daughter had just been to the Cascadia Festival.
The heart of a white iris
From listening to her describe how the event seems to be "shrinking" and another festival she went to earlier was "shrinking," I realized some of the source of my weariness: So many seem to be working ever longer hours for less... at least those who have decided to get off the treadmill of the mainstream.
She described it as "paddling against the stream and making ever so slight headway, but you always know that the MOMENT you stop paddling for even five seconds you'll lose to much ground it will take you weeks to make it back up."
It's a feeling that makes you feel weary... regardless of whether you have a small art gallery, a soap company, or a blog on Steemit that seems to never go either here nor there.
You just get TIRED, after a while. And you get TIRED from looking that the world through that lens of perception and realizing that — in this moment — you have no better option.
Lest this sounds like a litany of complaints, it's not. It's just an observation.
And on that light note, I'm going to take my tired ass to bed!
How about YOU? Ever feel just bone-weary tired of life and the world? And like you have no better alternative to turn to? Leave a comment-- share your experiences-- be part of the conversation!
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Created at 180802 00:29 PDT
Yes.. I suffer from bone-weariness and brain-stoppage. Sometimes I just can't get things done... some call it procrastination, others call it lazy. I call it I need a few moments to re-calibrate my thoughts.
Every so often... my brain just stops and says... Nope... break time. Let me rest if you want me to function properly. (Actually had that day yesterday and took some time to myself)
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True... I do find that I procrastinate a lot of things I know I need to get done, but they seem like so much work. And when I look at the effort needed... and the outcome... I realize that what slows me down is the reality that DOING these things will result in simply maintaining while NOT doing them will result in falling further into a hole. So the possible outcomes are "Work hard = neutral; Do nothing = collapse."
This too, shall pass!
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Hey, @denmarkguy.
I think if running to keep the status quo were a race, I'd be an Olympic level marathoner by now. Okay, maybe not that bad (or awesome), but there's been a lot of treading water in my life.
Some of that has been choices I've either made or not made. A lot of it, though, is just the vicissitudes of life. I've been wanting to use that word for a while, so I'm happy I was able to use it here. :)
I'm at that point in my life where it gets increasingly harder to have passion for anything, but still needing to keep things going. I do a lot of grinding, and exact as much happiness as I can from incremental accomplishments. Nothing over-the-top, but enough to move onto the next one.
That's STEEM, by the way. In my family life, there's more to be involved with and happy about, which is good and it's also distracting. So, while I'm trudging through what's happening here, I'm doing well enough with relationships and other things to keep me going.
Sometimes, that's what life has for us. We savor the moments that are great, and we remember them when things are not. Or at least that's what gets me up in the morning. :)
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Thanks for the thoughtful comment, Glen! And congratulations on using "Vicissitudes" in a sentence, and actually knowing what it means. That's pretty cool!
Life goes a lot in cycles, I think... some 20 years ago, I was caught in a similar loop where it just felt like no matter what choice I made — even a completely random one — the outcome was inevitably subpar. And that just grinds you down, after a while.
Of course, there's also the fact that I an keenly aware that "I am not 29 anymore!" and so the same things I once handled with grace are now more of a grind. And yet... they still must be attended to.
As I was saying to @janton, the past 18 months or so have been a particularly trying time, where the setbacks seem to have outnumbered the triumphs by a rather significant margin. This will of course turn around at some point... but it feels endless when you are sitting in the middle of it!
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Yes, they do. I'm in the middle of one going on six years now. Before that, the few I did have never came close to lasting this long. I've never felt like I was flying so blind on the decision making front as I have throughout most of this period. Some good has come out of it, though, and I'm still alive, still kicking, and still ornery enough to keep going.
I hear you about the "not being 29" part, too. Guess that's what happens when you venture into middle age. I guess it starts way before that, but you're still able to convince yourself your body and mind and gumption might have some mileage on them now, but you can still go out and run with the young bucks. Yeah, right. Maybe for a little bit, enough to keep them guessing, but really, the pasture they've been trying to retire you too for the past 10 years at least is starting to look awfully good.
Oh. Wait. Was this about me or you? :) Anyway. Vicissitudes, man. It's all about the vicissitudes. :)
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Oh yeah, its kinda like writing blog after blog and daily watching your account value drop! lol
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Yeah, a little bit like that, too... and realizing that your other projects are lagging, too, so you may have to power down and cash out... at the exact point where Steem hits rock bottom. ;-)
Seriously, though, just trying to find a bright spark in something, these days.
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Uh, I think they call it old age. For me it's arthritis slowly creeping in to my joints. The over all feeling is exasebated by buying more XRP tokens and watching the prices drop even further only to have that voice in your head say work harder, buy more. I guess the sun will come out tomorrow, tomorrow...
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Yeah, I hear you on the age thing! I'm definitely not 29 anymore! But watching those in the surrounding environment struggle is also wearing... we have three kids between 27 and 31... and even though they all have decent jobs, they are struggling enormously just to survive, not even in any way make it.
Same thing, though, little voice inside saying "just keep plugging away at it!"
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Yes, all too frequently, bugger it...
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And a little inner voice doing the thing from "Finding Nemo:" "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
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It is necessary to change the situation. If you are tired of people, then you need to go to the village, or to the mountains or .. There where few people, good nature, peace ...
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Normally, our house is a little oasis, by itself. We we need is to stop having so many people coming to visit, but I guess it's because of summer holidays... and the economy is bad, so people try to stay privately, instead of in hotels, when they travel.
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what kind of MASSIVE complaint post is this??? hahaha! no I'm just teasing. I'll tell ya what, if someone hasn't felt like you described then they are either extremely blessed or haven't been around very long.
I was trapped in a state of weariness for many years because of the business I owned and couldn't get out of it until I got out of that business but never had it since then and that was 15 years ago.
thanks for the thought-provoking post sir denmarkguy!
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I spent many years trapped on such a treadmill @janton, and that was many years ago now (up to about 1999) and I was glad to put it behind me.
The past 18 months have just been kind of tough in that "When it rains, it pours" way... or as they call it in the computer industry: "Cascade failure."
This, too, shall pass... but sometimes it just feels good to bellyache a bit!
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howdy this glorious Saturday sir denmarkguy! I suppose you work 6 daysa week in your art gallery and take Sundays off? so your weekend is a little short. but you're used to it like many hardworking American maniacs!
I wonder if they work that hard in the Netherlands or are they more sensible than that?
well if that was bellyaching it was pretty classy and thoughtful.
Cascade failure. I don't like the sounds of that, don't let that happen to steemit please! lol.
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