low point

I hit such a low point today, that I just feel empty inside. So I figured the thing to do would be going by my own advice and be thankful for what I do have, which is a lot. Not in material things, but in loads of experiences that point to way to a better era where humanity has managed to put down the shackles of debt, scarcity and the overidentification myth that set human beings up against one another and far from their common ground of being, against their better judgment. But writing that now I'm catching myself that I really have forgotten all that I have learnt. I forget that feeling as I feel now is just as essential to this happening as anything else...

The hack I have not shared yet is Alan Watts, talking about life as a human from the Eastern perspectives of Daoism and Zen where life is seen as a game of hide and seek, infinitely split into aspects and versions of itself to experience the happening. And all of existence merely being a dance of polarities, struggling to win each other over in their delusional detachment from the un-nameable that feeds any- and everything that is.

I didn't want to share this perspective so early on in my blog on Steemit because I could have never reached a point of even considering such a notion (let alone testing it experimentally through altered states of consciousness) without going through several phases of Western ideologies and conceptualizations first, like my time in tzm which ultimately brought me here. And through lots of pain.

But remembering that I have recognized so many times the outside as being the interconnected and inseparable counterpart of the inside, universe tells me I better get this off my chest today instead of carrying the pain longer than I need to.... and also the fallacy of wanting to get rid of it. And to take my own advice - listening to one of my greatest teachers and letting the dam of tears break so that life and remembrance can flow through me again instead of getting too overly identified with "poor little me" in the PERSON I was taught I supposedly am and lately got overly attached to again...

If you guys and girls have no idea what I am talking about here it's alright. I don't think I am writing this for you, but for myself. Why do I post it then? Because all of us have these low points in life and I already feel lighter. I am confident that reminding each other of the eventual upside to any downside is what we have each other for on Earth. So in the hope that it will let me go deeper into my pain and eventually (re)discover that I got thoroughly tangled up in the game again and that that IS the game and there is nothing to fix, this might also help you if you feel like there is no tomorrow.

While I won't run with any preconceived ideology or worldview any longer, in times like this when my mind and old fear patterns are haunting my state of being to the last and overtake anything that I thought I had learnt, it is pure medicine to pull myself out of it through those other players on my team - dead or alive.

And Alan is definitely one of them. Probably much like all of you. But until I meet all of you face to face some day, this is the closest I can get to finding some solace outside of the madhouse that is my mind today.

Love