VAXXED through the eyes of an Autism Mom!

There's a ton of reviews out there about the film Vaxxed: From Cover-Up to Catastrophe but I haven't written mine yet, so here we go...

This last April just in time for Autism Awareness Month.. which I hate by the way, as I see it as nothing more than an in your face ritual child sacrifice to the cult of Baal or the God Moloch or some other such demonic being... Or at the least a marketing strategy that morbidly celebrates chemically induced brain damage... But anyway.. I hate autism awareness month and it's not just that I hate it but for the past several years April is a month that brings out the worst in my severely autistic son, Aydan's symptoms.. Could it be histamine? Or seasonal changes or what?? We've tested couldn't find anything but yet it still happens.. Sound familiar autism moms?

Anyway.. though my name is April, I hate the month of April.. When T.S. Eliott wrote 'April is the cruelest month..' he wasn't lying.. So, I ignored the Vaxxed news. I didn't have time to dwell on a film about what had happened to my vaccine injured child, as I was too busy dealing with my vaccine injured child. I wasn't on any social media and didn't have any interest, I just wanted my child to get better.. I just wanted to be his mommy and nothing else.

In the month of May I received an email notifying me that to my surprise a screening was about 5 minutes from my house with a filmmakers' Q & A directly following the show. I live in a small town about an hour north of Los Angeles where the screening had appeared previously on my son's birthday (ironically in April), so I didn't go to that one nor do I go to much anything that is an hour away.. But here it was just 5 minutes.. I could get away for a couple of hours and go see it; and I did.

I knew what the film was about. I knew just about all the information presented. I knew that the CDC lied about the MMR vaccine / autism connection. I knew that Andrew Wakefield was precisely correct and that everything he described happening to his patients all of whom had gut disease and were subsequently diagnosed with autism following MMR vaccination, happened to my son in the exact same way. I heard the mother's in the film talk about their child's regression into autism following MMR and it was exactly what had happened to mine. I heard these stories 1000s of times from 1000s of parents..

So, I sat in the theater and expected to be under-whelmed by the information since after all I knew everything, right? What I didn't know was how seeing our story play out before my eyes would affect me emotionally. Within the first 5 minutes I began to bite my lip in an effort to try to prevent the tears from streaming down my face... I couldn't stop them.. I tried to clear my eyes, so I could see the screen but I had to look away several times just to compose myself.. I cried because I thought of all the things I had been too busy to deal with in the previous month.. I cried because I thought of all the years of struggle and wasted time... I cried because I thought of my son and his gut pain and how he dealt with it by hurting himself and others at times.. I cried because I felt loss... I cried because I was angry that as mothers we told this story 1000s of times and that it took exposing a bunch of lying officials for anyone to care.. Or even half care... I cried because I couldn't help myself, it was just too much...

At the end of the film when producer, Del Bigtree asked the families' of the vaccine injured to stand, I stood.. I didn't want to as my knees were knocking and I knew once again it would be hard to compose myself..

Many people at the end stuck around to socialize and talk to the filmmakers but I was eager to get home to my family and I knew my time was limited. When I arrived at home I could see a group of not to happy people. Chaos had ensued and yet another melt down had occurred followed by a number two, bathroom accident because well.. My son received the MMR vaccine and developed gut disease and was subsequently diagnosed with autism.. I mean.. Do I really need to keep saying this? This scene has been common place since about mid-February and the thing that prompted me to write this essay is that it happened two more times just today.. And 'yes' he is toilet trained and 'yes' we have seen the doctor and run the tests and the tests have rendered us no answers.. Sound familiar autism moms?

So back to my review of Vaxxed.. I'm glad this information has finally come out of the shadow and into the light. I'm grateful that there's been a whistle-blower who had a crisis of conscience that will hopefully spare many children from the same fate as my son. This film has awakened many including members of my own family to the truth, which is undeniably a positive move in the right direction.. But I still have to clean up poop from the porch and bring out my carpet cleaner a couple of times a week.. My son still has to suffer with severe gut pain and little to no ability to express his feelings... And I as his mother suffer right along with him. I wrote an essay about 6 years ago where I stated I would give my life to God if I could take away one.. just ONE vaccine that had been given to my son, because I know that seemingly small thing would make his life better today. So Vaxxed? Yes, it's good film, an important film that everyone should see but it is a story about real people, a story about real suffering and a story that should have never needed to be told.. And unfortunately, it's a story that can't take away the damage that has been done.

April is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.

By April Boden: https://aydansrecovery.wordpress.com/2016/06/27/vaxxed-through-the-eyes-of-an-autism-mom/