She : Hey, what’s your plan for Valentine’s day this year? wink-wink
Me : You mean,that day of the year which initially started as a western feast day, and later got recognized as a cultural and commercial identity of romance, wherein cupids wake up from their deep slumber, and people who don’t embrace their feelings all year long, suddenly start radiating their love in every direction and to aliens in other planets through all the expensive red and pink commodities which those multinational corporates successfully manage to instil into the market with magnanimous flashy discounts, knowing very well that desperate souls like you, are under the illusionary impression of celebrating something about which your country had no idea until the economic liberalization of 1991 ,thereby, also making sure that those single beings who hate their lives till eternity but act proud about their rigid attitude towards relationships, join protests on public display of affection which makes no real sense whatsoever, while spewing their enlightened crap in the form of memes all over the internet and, where the ones who’re committed to their significant other, check the depth of burn in their pockets, wondering why the hell someone started a whole week of outrageous celebration, and feeling the pressure of wanting to deliver that perfect gift which symbolizes their brimming love on that particular day in an exorbitant dinner under the canopy of moonlight, whose filtered pictures and 6 seconds edited love videos finally gets posted on instagram with vivid hashtags, making the ones who had a recent heartbreak feel miserable, drenching in the memories they shared with their exes the previous year?
Nah, nothing.
She : You’re so gonna die alone, asshole.
Me : You’re welcome sweetheart. Also, 12 piece boneless chicken for 350 Rs tomorrow. Wanna join?