Lonely

The cold hugs me, seeping through to my very bones. I am past frozen, I feel nothing but for that I am grateful.
How did I end up like this ? Where did it all go wrong ? From a comfortable house, a job that whilst I did not love I tolerated and it paid reasonably well. Bills paid, food on the table, lights on and heat in the winter, cool air in the hot summer months.
Gone
All gone .

Dragging my feet as I aimlessly wonder the dark empty street. No place to actually be. No one waiting for me yet I still resist finding somewhere to lay down for the night.
Night time is the worst. The time when my mind wanders. When I remember. When I allow myself to feel.

I had it all and now it is gone.
It wasn't my fault yet still I blame myself, if only so I can try to make sense of it all. I need to make sense of it, need to understand where it fell apart.

I was once part of a loving family I was the provider, I was the man of the house even when I wasn't there. I was respected, I was loved, I was their hero.
My time was up
I was tossed away. I had no purpose, no goal. I had no use any more.
Years of my life spent obeying the rules, going where I was told and doing as I was ordered did not prepare me for life with no purpose. A life that was mine in every way. Mine in a way I could not understand.
Now I am reduced to wandering the cold empty streets, alone and lonely
War was tough, it was brutal
Coming home was worse.