Another weight loss story, but boy oh boy I was fat

Have you ever seen a picture of you and the first thing you think is "Oh my god, I look like Peter Griffin". Well it happened to me, I got a random text from my daughter. She had found an old picture of me. I wasn't wearing green pants or the picture would have been used as the primary evidence in the trademark infringement case against me. I had to change. I am an avid podcast listener. Tim Ferris, AKA my obiwan, Able James, AKA the fat burning man, and Dave Asprey, AKA the most annoying man on the planet that really should not talk about the benefits of his supplements on improving brain health when he can't remember someone's name or url but that is another post, I think that's is some sort of affront to proper grammar but I digress. So I hear all the latest trends, Paleo, Keto, Seaweed, Vegan, you know all the fads. I knew that I had to change, not a diet but a lifestyle change. I was listening to a reoccurring theme that cabs were bad and the main thing I gained from all the podcasts was "There is no such thing as an essential carb" You don't need them. I thought ok, with that I can start a plan. So I started, I first went Paleo, because meat was easy. I weight 264 pounds, granted my heaviest had been 305 but that was in college and I was playing football at the time and I had been heavier when I was married but I had been trying to stay under the 250 mark and had failed. So Paleo it was. I was pretty good at it, I had 3 pieces of bacon and 3 eggs. That was mostly inspired by Ben Affleck in The Account and three is the magic number so it works. Lunch was usually just a salad but it wasn't easy since food at work was free and it was tough to figure out what was going with the sugar content. But I trudged on, I lost a pound so I was happy. The next week I slipped. Much like Ben Stiller I have an addiction to peanut M&M's and there is a huge bin of them at work that taunted me so I slipped. I ended up dejected and rationalized my slip into ok I stumbled and got back on it. I ate three times a day. Meat and vegtables, my favorite was sausage in tomato sauce. Then I listened to a podcast that talked about Tom Brady and the evil of night shades. Not good. No more tomatoes or eggplant for me. I had also been hearing a lot of the benefits of intermittent fasting. So I gave it a try. I lasted three days and then I had a bowl from KFC. This just wasn't working. I had to figure it out. Tim Ferris had a random guest, maybe Dom Dagistino, no clue on the spelling and I am not opening another tab to find out and he talked about keto. The thing I liked about keto was you could actually find out if your body was in ketosis. You could pee on a stick or get a blood meter. One was easy just peeing, I do that like every day. Actually, I do it multiple times a day, I have an addiction to iced tea so I pee lots, or I could use the pin and draw some blood and then put it in a meter. That seemed cool and easy and complicated so I went with that option. I bought the Tim Ferriss recommending keto blood reader and the super extensive strips and waited. I also started a plan of mixing in the best of my three podcasts. I drank bullet proof tea for breakfast 4 days a week. I don't drink coffee so I couldn't do that so I bought some butter, Vital Farms, (DA BOMB), Coconut Oil, some natural stuff from some market and then Chai tea. I keep hearing that Dave Asprey has brain octane that is supposed to be better but he annoys me so I went old school. On the days I don't have to go to work I have sausage, bacon, ham or some meat with eggs and cheese, not Paleo since there is cheese but it's sooooo good. My blood reader came in the mail after a week. I was eager to see if I was in ketosis. My pee stunk so I was pretty sure I was so I pricked my finger, shoved the strip in the reader and waited. ERR 11. What the fuck, I read the manual it said I didn't get enough of the sample on my strip so I tried again. ERR 11. Ugh. I gave up for the day. My meals stagger because I do try and fast for stretches a time, so a normal day for me is tea for breakfast, lunch of veggies and meat and then usually a handful of blueberries or blackberries and a half a cup of Nestle Dark Chocolate morsels. (I know that they are technically not allowed but my goal is to keep my total carbs below 30 grams so I figured with my normal meals I would be ok and it's my diet so Foff.) If I skip lunch I have steak, chicken, mushrooms, zuccini or a bacon salad with carrots. I tried the next day for the blood reading, ERR 11. Fuck it, I went old school, bought some pee sticks at Walgreens and was off, I was light pink. That was low but I was ok with it. On one of Able's podcasts he was talking to someone and they said that low ketosis or high ketosis it was still ketosis, so I was good. I jumped on the scale and was down 5 pounds in a week. I was on my way. The eating is pretty easy. I really don't have much craving at first. I decided that my birthday will be my cheat day and I am going to Texas Road House to get sick on biscuits but that is probably another post. I was happy with my progress. I am down 33 pounds in a 15 weeks. It's a good pace for me. The biggest thing that the podcasts are saying about keto is that the scale will lie so you can't trust it you have to take pictures and measurements. I am hella lazy so I use my belt as my gauge, I am down two holes on the belt so I guess its working, I am close to my third hole so then I will be a true three holer which is a different post as well. Its been a fun journey and has worked for me, it might not work for you but what I learned was that be flexible find what works and don't be afraid to mix and match diets, it worked for me. The last thing I did was started working out. I am an ex athlete so I am use to the gym, but I am hella lazy so I really only did exercises that I like doing which really isn't a good mindset to workout to so I downloaded a training app. I hate it, it hates me, but I follow the stupid thing and OMG it is amazing. I have defining in area's that I never knew could have it, granted the fat lose from ketosis is helping immensely. Just a warning you lose the fat in the random areas that you wouldn't think you had fat, arms, legs, back, neck. I am assuming my stomach will finally get involved but I read somewhere your body removes fat in the reverse order that it stores it so belly will be the last to go but oh well. The app is fitbod if you want to download its cool. There are others out there, 5x5 and other but fitbod works for me. I might get brave and put some pictures up but not yet. Also along with the measuring they recommend you take a picture, I do it every thursday night since I work from home on friday's thursday is a good test of the week since friday, saturday and sunday are usually higher caloric days. If you have any questions I can answer what I can. Its a good thing to try and I do feel much better. Thanks for reading.