A friend of mine absolutely loves using wet-wipes to do his business. He speaks joyfully of the level of cleanliness and convenience it provides. This gives him a certain peace of mind, knowing that he's "fully clean".

Ain't nobody dope as me, I'm just so fresh and clean. So fresh and so clean!

Myself, I don’t use this type of product. Call me old fashioned but although using wet-wipes may be the ultimate in clean, it always struck me as some sort of an elitist, self-indulgent and wasteful activity. I always thought that wet-wipes were for babies with sensitive skin, not grown men. Granted, it's not as extreme as bleaching as I understand some famous Hollywood actresses are prone to do, but the idea is still unsettling to me.

It came as quite a surprise then, that a quick survey of my circle of guy friends showed that the majority of them use some kind of wet-wipes to cleanse their arses on a regular basis.

What in the fuck??

I immediately found myself in the minority and even at the but end (pun intended) of some mild teasing.

“You’re clean but not baby fresh clean.”

“Oh, he’s got dingle berries!”

“You have no idea what you’re missing, bro!”

“You’ll never regret, going wet.”

Despite my protests, it was determined that basically I’m a filthy unrefined caveman still using paper, gaffaw, and a soon to be extinct subspecies.

I took their mild abuse well but I seriously questioned the impact wet-wipes have on the environment and if they were truly "biodegradable" & "flushable" as is the claim.

Some in the group stated matter of factly that was that it was their own personal preference and they're free to do as they please. Another friend admitted to having IBS (too much info there) and that's why he uses wet-wipes. We argued back and forth for quite some time until a friend slipped into a convenience store, bought a pack of wet-wipes and tossed it my direction.

"Flushable and 100% Biodegradeable" was printed in bold on the packaging.

Case Closed.

I had lost the argument... but I vowed I would never join their infantile wet-wipe flush cult.

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Dude Wipes

Recently, I read an article about the increasing use of wet-wipes by adults. Apparently, there's a substantial and growing market for this product. There are even wet-wipes specifically targeted at young men.

As the story goes, 4 college roommates became obsessed with using wet-wipes for their #2s that they decided to start their own company - Dude Wipes was born. The product is enjoying a lot of success and the group of friends believes that their special brand of toilet humor is a big part of their success. The group call themselves "The AmbAssadors" (absolute genius ).

https://www.dudeproducts.com/

Here's one of their amusing commercials co-starring Shark Tank investor Mark Cuban called: Take it to the Hole.

Of course wet-wipes began as a baby product, but in the early 2000s the market expanded as companies such as Kimberly Clark and Procter & Gamble began to rebrand baby wipes (reduced in size for flushing) into a sort of luxury toilet paper for adults. By 2015, the wet-wipes industry surpassed $2 billion in sales.

Dude Wipes has been recognized in the industry as a rising star winning awards for "most exciting new product".

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Biodegradability

When we purchase products at the grocery store or pharmacy we often select products based on the information provided by the labels to make informed decisions.

Environmentally friendly, eco-friendly, green, recyclable, and biodegradable markings are important for many consumers as they want to reduce waste and avoid introducing toxic substances or pollutants into their homes or adding more to the natural environment.

Unfortunately, the claims made by many products can be very misleading.

Are Wet-Wipes biodegradable?

The short answer is, Yes.

A better answer is, yes, under the right conditions and temperatures.

Wet-wipes are made of synthetic cellulosic fibers and each product has it's own particular composition. Therefore, wet-wipes disintegrate at various speeds while having different rates of emission. And at this point, there's never been a study conducted to see how these various synthetic fibers effect aquatic ecosystems.

So, are they really biodegradable?

“They are, under certain conditions and temperatures, [but] I don’t think those are the conditions and temperatures that they’re exposed to in the wastewater system,” Villee says. He calls this the “disingenuous part” of the biodegradable label. “Yeah, they’re biodegradable, but when? Ten years from now?”

Fat Bergs

Fat Bergs is new term that aptly describes a fairly recent phenomenon related to the increasing use of 'flushable' wet-wipes.

Lawsuits are now popping up across the country over use of the word “flushable.” Sewerage authorities claim that flushable wet wipes don’t break apart, and, as a result, are destroying municipal sewer systems. The wipes cluster with congealed food fat to form large blockages known as fatberg—a portmanteau of fat and iceberg. Last year, a 10-ton lump was removed from the London sewer system at a cost of £400,000. Cases have also been reported in Newcastle, Sydney, San Francisco, Miami, New York City, Toronto, and Washington, D.C.

After wet wipes are flushed, they exit a house through a lateral pipe that connects to a public sewer system, where sewage pumps ensure that the wastewater flows in the correct direction. But unlike toilet paper, wet wipes fail to disintegrate. They clog the pumps, causing them to break down and redirect stagnant wastewater back toward houses. Sewer systems must be shut down so that the wipes can be manually removed. When the four-foot pumps are lifted for maintenance, “it looks like you’re pulling up Cousin It”

• Dave Torma Public Works Employee Wyoming.
  

Source: The Atlantic

As the use of wet-wipes becomes gains in popularity it is safe to say that Fat Bergs will also be an increasingly common phenomenon in our sewage systems.

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Solutions

Get a goddamn Bidet

• Sure it's expensive but only the best for our royal highness
• The Japanese and Korea models are truly impressive, with heated seats and different water pressure options.

If you're going to use wet-wipes - Don't flush them, dispose of them properly in the trash.

• It's simple
• You'll be saving your municipality and tax payers a lot of money

A shredder

• A final option would be to invest in a shredder that tears the wet-wipes into small enough pieces they do not collect and accumulate in the sewers and water treatment sites.

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Images

NY Times
NY Daily News
ABC.net.au
Dude Blue
Getty
Colorado Gov
nomorewipes.com
Aliexpress

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