My wife keeps trying to get rid of me. The other day, she asked me to take out the trash. I said I already did it. Then she told me to go and look after him.
What a wonderful child I have! I told him about the birds and the bees, and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner separately, we go on holiday separately — we do everything possible to keep our marriage.
Everyone says that looks and money don't matter. But I haven't met a girl who falls in love with a poor ugly old man.
It's hard to keep a marriage strong. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, and she won't even drink from my glass.
My mom never breastfed me. She said she only loved me as a friend.
I have beautiful children. Thank God my wife is cheating on me.
My marriage is in trouble again. My wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
One woman I met called one time and said, "Come to me, there's no one home." I'm here. And the house really was empty.
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I held back.
My wife and I were happy for 20 years, and then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield is an American comedian and actor. In the 1980s, he became known for his films "Easy money", "Golf club" and " Back to school".
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