Willful Celibacy
By RJ Sepulveda
After careful introspective reflection, I have chosen to forgo any further romantic partnerships with women. Seeing as I am a fully heterosexual male this means I am opting for a life of celibacy. There are several reasons for this (hence, the purpose of these commentaries), not the least of which is the central purpose of this essay which comes in the form of a question: “what exactly does romantic love/sex bring to my life?” in answering this I have come to the conclusion that my mortal hours are better spent in the pursuit of the greater happiness contained within the self as opposed to the happiness derived from romantic communion with a woman.
“What do you bring to my life? Tell me! Don’t get mad, what do you bring?”- Patrice O’Neal (Comedian)
For the life of me as I reflect on my own relationships with women and all those I have had the privilege of observing I cannot fathom what the female animal brings to the union that cannot be found within the males own psyche (if adequately ministered to). This is not a criticism of women, only an objective truth that I have repeatedly observed. It seems that in the act of unifying romantically with a woman the human male plateaus in his abilities as he defers responsibility for his own happiness and elements of his wellbeing to his sexual partner. This has the unintended side effect of repulsing that very partner. Women by the very nature seek romantic commiserations with a male that is in her subjective mind a superior specimen of masculinity. From him she will derive: protection, financial and emotional security, and a means of compensating for her physical inadequacies. This doesn’t even delve into the need for companionship and her insatiable maternal ambitions. As a consequence, when a man does join in romantic partnership with a woman he is steadily marginalized by her presence until he is convinced he cannot get along without her and when this happens she has usually all but lost interest. Simply put, the woman has given him nothing, but taken from him everything.
“Give them nothing, but take from them EVERYTHING”- Gerard Butler (The movie 300)
I can hear your protests from here. You are probably attacking my assertion with, but she gives him: love, companionship, tenderness, etc. All of this is quite romantic and poetic, but if we are going to stick to reality we must also acknowledge that this is a very feminine oriented perspective, in that, the images that come to mind with respect to these aspects of a relationship are not one in the same with respect to men and women; therefore, what a woman defines as adequate companionship which she wrongly believes she is bringing to the relationship isn’t at all what her male companion would define as such. It is akin to someone who unknowingly tells bad jokes thinking they are hilarious, and simultaneously those around refuse to inform them of their poor comedic skill for fear they will upset them.
“Donna, sex is how we control men. If they ever find out we want it too… we’ll never get jewelry again!”- Jackie Burkhart (That 70’s Show)
That brings us (as most good conversations often do) to sex. Surely, the woman brings her sexuality and sexual pleasure to the male-female partnership. While this is somewhat true, it is erroneously overvalued. The woman hasn’t added anything to the union that her male counterpart hasn’t; moreover, the joy one derives from sex is extremely fleeting. The unmitigated truth is, sex can be purchased, sexual desire can be controlled, sexual outlets outside of relationships (e.g. pornography) can be utilized. Therefore, the question merits repeating “what does a woman bring to my life?” and the answer remains, not a thing. Perhaps with further conversation I will find something, but for now and for most men it would be prudent to avoid romantic unions with women until they have achieved a measure of happiness and peace that is beyond her ability to erode.