Words to live by: Listen to understand not to relpy

Not long ago someone showed me a picture with the words of Stephen Covey
"Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply"

I had this in the back of my mind in every conversation i had from that moment, and sadly it is very true. Think about it for a second.

Many times when you talk in a group or just with a friend and you share an opinion, the reply would be: " yeah BUT......" If you heard my opinion and answers with "but" you didn't accept that is't my opinion. Everybody should have the rights of there own opinions, and be able to share those opinions without anyone attacking them.

I honestly think it's hard to listen to others opinions if you don't share them. I try to understand whats behind the opinion and not just splatter my own back in their faces. TRY here being the key word, cause it doesn't always go like that. Every time I fail and answer with "yeah but...." I hate my self. In my mind you should try to understand the opinion (maybe you could learn something) and reply with "yeah okay i see what you mean. I think...." If you don't understand the opinion then ask into it, not just assume it's wrong.

Dalai Lama is true in his words when he says:

" When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new."

If you learn something its because you have "listened". Not saying listened as in only a literal sense, but also figuratively. When you learn stuff from experiments, you listen to the answers the experiment gives you and thereby learn. When you attend school you listen to your teacher and learn new things, and when you read an article you listen to the author and learn something new. Is it so hard to believe if you listen to a stranger you might learn something new? Even in the case of opinions?

I can say it one more time, I think its hard to listen. But while writing this (in need of better words) article I was listening to Cat Stevens "Father And Son" and in that song he sing a line that made me think of the reason why it might be hard to listen. He sings " from the moment i could talk, i was ordered to listen". I have been teaching young kids myself, and it is very true. One of my most sentences was "quiet and listen". Maybe this brings something rebellious up in us from a very young age? Isn't it natural, if you don't get heard and you want to be that you just yell harder? I know teachers try to listen to all the students different opinions, but it's a lost cause. Maybe those small defeats makes you subconsciously try to yell louder when talking about opinions and thereby you tent to listen a little less , waiting for the moment you can share yours. All of this is (more or less) covered in courtesy, but is non the less the same thing, as when a child yells out in class.

Please join the discussion! I like to learn and see others point of view.