That is a picture of my bottle of tea tree oil.
Finances have been a bone of contention for as long as I can remember. Too often there is way more month at the end of my money. Up until recently my approach to finances was one of desperation and resignation; this was the way it was and had always been. Sure I was sick and tired of my situation but that didn't seem to change anything. I would hear that in order to change your life you need to change things in your life and I would become frustrated. It wasn't that I was sitting around twiddling my thumbs and doing nothing about it; the crises would keep on coming. Finally I asked the Universe to show me why my finances were the way they were and it spoke to me through my bottle of Tea Tree essential oil.
Essential oils can be expensive especially if you purchase ones that are therapeutic grade. Tea tree oil is well know for it's medicinal properties and is one of the staple oils in my collection. One day I went to the container that held the oil and picked up the bottle. This is where the Universe showed me my true feelings towards my finances. Here was my thought pattern:
As soon as I grabbed the bottle, the first thing I checked was the quantity of the oil in my the bottle.
Next thought was to assess how much.
It was deemed necessary to measure the amount of the bottle and how it related to the value of half. This was an unconscious decision and didn't become conscious until I realized that the bottle was below half.
Under half produced a feeling in my stomach like a punch. Oh god … that means I have to buy some soon.
Now came the calculations where I determined how much the bottle would cost me. What would that run me? The bottle itself would run about $20-30 but I rarely only buy one oil so I estimated almost $60. When you are in my financial position, $60 is an amount where there needs to be a decision based on necessity and budgeting.
All this time my stomach is getting tighter and tighter.
I looked forward in time to our budget and realized that things only get worse from here with Christmas coming and my family visiting; I could use that $60 for something else.
Now the panic starts to set in with fear based questions: What if I need the oil and don't have the money to buy the replacement? Should I stop using it to save it for when I really need it? How can I just trust that the money will just arrive when I need it? Braze forward like I have in the past? That hasn’t really served me well.
I hate feeling this way over a little bottle of oil. I just want my finances to get better so that these types of decisions no longer exist.
Sound familiar?
This scenario was on instant replay for many years and has been at the basis of all my financial decisions. I stepped back from this scenario and tried to see it differently so that it could be changed. My first approach was to work on my response. I would start to apply EFT to my feelings around the subject because this place felt awful. That seemed to work but it came to my attention that I was still living the definition of insanity; doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result. My focus on controlling my reaction was doing absolutely nothing to the source of the problem. Sure it helped me feel better but the crises would keep on coming; it had to be deeper than that.
My thoughts then went to the fear around the oil and I wondered if the answer was in there. Sure I had a prime example of a financial loser with my dad and had many examples to draw from to justify the fear. The only problem was that I hadn't lived with my dad for over 30 years and frankly he could have contributed to creating the fear but he wasn't there to continue it. So Dad was scratched off the list.
Next I looked again at the fear and the words Fear of Missing Out came to me and I stopped dead in my tracks. How true was this belief and what was I truly afraid of? Was it true that I was missing out? Sure there were many things I felt that I could have bought if my finances were different but did I ever go without? Truly go without? No. My house was full of countless things that at one time were considered top priority and now sit untouched. Somehow I was able to produce income to purchase these things. Then it got me thinking, if I constantly feel this fear whenever I think of money what vibration am I sending to the Universe? It sure wasn't to bless me because what I was sending out was doubt. How am I ever to have something positive come out of that? What was I doubting exactly? There was countless evidence around me that I could create income and purchase things at the time they are needed. If not, there was always a contingency plan created that compensated for the missing item until it did arrive or it was no longer needed.
That little bottle showed me that no matter how many meditations or affirmations I did, nothing would change until I changed that vibration; especially since it wasn't accurate. Now I focus on sending a vibration of gratitude and trust in myself for that is the menu I want sent to the Universe. Again the words came to me, if I want to change things in my life, I need to change things in my life. The truth is that I have always found a way to survive and flourish. What really struck me is that the only bad part of those situations was that punch in the gut and it was there every time. What a waste of time and energy for it wasn't even my reality because things always worked out. So now when the familiar feeling comes I tell myself that somehow it will work out because it always has in the past. The feelings lessen and something's working for yesterday I was randomly given $1000. To be continued.
Today I will be open to seeing what I truly feel about an area of my life that frustrates me.