Fable of the Fool Hero

Beware. This is a fell tale of evil, monsters, and a misguided hero. This story is not for the faint of heart. Witches and warlocks with hearts blacker than coals should have no problems with this lightly entertaining epilogue. Such twisted tales as this are not easily read from front to back, but better started at the end, and then back to the beginning again. No devil in their right mind would dare utter an incantation as this in plain speech, but rather backwards to be understood properly.

Images from pixabay.com

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The forsaken forest. That is what the locals called these woods. Most of the trees had lost their needles years ago. Burnt from a fire. Plagued by boring insects. Scabbed with fungus. The pathway through the forest was surprisingly flat, wide, and soft. For decades no new vegetation grew along the path to hinder travelers.

The ancient highway led to the flint rock caves. Midwives claim their ancestors of a mostly forgotten people who used to mine those caves. It brought them some measure of prosperity for over a hundred years, until something unfortunate happened. They dug too deep. Some ancient evil was released. Their lands were cursed, and the people faded from existence slowly at first, and then they were gone almost all at once. Nobody knows where they went.

Inside the caves, the evil remained. It was just a story.

Hyribedes knew there was more to what was going on than just a story. He had witnessed this evil firsthand. As he dashed through the forest on his white charger, he was determined to restore peace to the land. His newly wedded wife, Ubila was slain by this foe who calls himself The Everliving. One touch of his rotten finger, and he tore the warm life from Ubila's cold flesh. When Hyribedes rushed to resuscitate her, it was no use. Her body was as cold as the grave, with no will left to be revived.

Legends were known of this ancient evil one. Not a mortal. Perhaps he once was. The Everliving was a lich. A lifeless being skilled in the forbidden magics for controlling zombies, skeletons, ghosts, ghouls, and all manner of undead monstrosities. A single touch from an a lich would bring instant death to its victim if it so chose. The Everliving in particular is believed have originated as a pure spirit being, during the age of spirits, before the mortal races became civilized and formed the current kingdoms. They say he was defeated in battle by a rival spirit, and sealed away under the weight of a mountain of stones.

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Pellis was on his trail. She could not see Hyribedes, but she knew he was ahead of her. The tracks were fresh, and she could smell the scent of his horse in the whispering breezes. She pondered on the recent events that had led to this mad dash.

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Over the past year, Ubila was presented at court by her father, Grand Merchant Yaznes. All of the great noble families were invited to present their eligible sons, and uncles, and cousins and potential suitors for Ubila. Though it was not considered fashionable in court for a daughter of the aristocracy to refuse a noble man outright, she was allowed to select a deed of merit. This deed could be any physical competition, a riddle to solve, a lost treasure to find, or any heroic quest. As long as the other nobles found it entertaining, her father would allow her to select any deed of merit she wanted to help narrow down her suitors, to select a suitable husband.

Most of Ubila's suitors desired her for the great dowry that would be offered by her father for the marriage. Grand Merchant Yaznes loved his daughter dearly, and would want her to live as royalty. Other suitors desired her simply because she was the fairest of women. Her hair was long and golden smooth, her eyes glistened like diamonds, and her voice charmed a man's ears like a deeply alluring flute.

For Hyribedes, the reason to desire her was threefold. He would be wealthy beyond belief and he would be able to share his bed every night with the fairest woman he had ever desired. Most of all, Hyribedes would satiate his own ego. Hyribedes was extremely competitive to a fault. He always wanted to be the best at every sport. Whether it be sword play, fishing, hunting, riding, or wrestling, he would never settle for second place. He would never give up until he could claim victory. To him Ubila represented what would be his greatest life achievement, by fulfilling whatever deed of merit she deemed necessary to win her hand, and her father's blessing.

After having met with all of the suitors over the past year, in the ritual custom with all of the fashionable pageantry one could expect, they concluded with a great picnic held on a vast floating barge. Ubila announced the terms of her deed of merit. She lifted a jeweled silver ring into the air, and tossed it into the lake. "Whichever of my suitors is courageous enough to recover the ring I just threw into the lake, will be the man I choose to marry. Bring me the ring, and I will be yours forever."

Though there were dozens of suitors present, only Hyribedes and a few others dared to accept the challenge. This lake was home to various river monsters, and swimming was generally not advised near this particular lake. The first of the suitors to leap in was a thin man with olive skin, named Kloris. Kloris only bothered to remove his shoes, and dove in despite wearing an expensively tailored coat and knickers. Next was a larger man, Noamiculous. Noam's muscles were evidently ripped as he slid his vest and trousers off. He plugged is nose with his fingers as he dropped into the currents, and used his massive arms to paddle across the surface. Others similarly disrobed and dove in with swords and spears in hand, and to the overwhelming amusement of the blushing maids of the varied households in attendance.

The splashing of the swimmers immediately drew the attention of the jarcolan turtles. A nobleman with a spear attempted to stab the turtle, having small effect as it glanced of its bronze shell. The jarcolan turtle want into a spinning frenzy, and the water turned red. The turtles swarmed, and feasted. Ubila smiled wickedly as the nobles on the barge both screamed and applauded ecstatically.

Next were the chittlesnakes. As one of them meandered to its prey, it spank its chittling tail across the lake's surface in warning. As the swordsman plunged forward to stab head on into the mouth of the snake, it dipped easily into the water. The snakes knew the water currents better than the swordsman, and as the snake baited its prey to lay out perpendicular to the current, it made an easy target for another chittlesnack to strike from upstream. It bored into the swordsman's midsection, and out through the other side, leaving a gaping red hole. Another dove in to his eyes, and another though his mouth. The gruesomeness of a man turning into swiss cheese triggered a cacophony of voices from Ubila's pleasure barge.

Below the waters, Hyribedes sighted both Kloris and Noamiculous. Kloris was an amazing swimmer, moving through the currents as sleekly as a great fined fish would. Clearly he was at home in the waters, possessing higher gifts of attunement. Noam was caught up with wrestling a great golden gobbler, a type of carp with an enormous head and teeth the length of daggers. Noam seemed to be wearing the mighty bottom feeder down, using his great strength and mass to his advantage as he crushed the life out of the monstrous fish.

Until a much bigger fish swallowed them both. Not really a fish, though it did live in the lake. This beast, larger than Ubila's pleasure barge which could easily host over a hundred, was known as the Morkoth. Until now, no one was was even sure it really existed. It was the "big one" the a got away in the stories of fishermen, and the hideous child eater mother's told there children of to scare them away from ever wanting to swim near Lake Morkoth that took its name from this beast. It had the head of a hammerhead shark and the body of a giant squid. Its mouth was a black beak with serrated edges, and its skin was devil red.

The morkoth lurched up to the surface, and the barge became deathly silent, until a great wave pushed into the barge, tipping a few chairs and patrons over the side. The chittlesnakes and jarcolan turtles would make short work of those unfortunate souls, just like the the poor fools who leaped in earlier. Downward the morkoth spiraled, as its right bulbous eye spiraled towards Hyribedes. Needing breath, Hyribedes sprang upwards for air and managed to get behind the morkoth's huge circular trail. An incoming wave rolled Hyribedes over, and the morkoth lined up to swallow its pray from underneath. It smashed its tentacles on the lake floor, and jetted up to the surface with its maw open wide.

Hyribedes tugged at his scabbard. The sword was stuck. He had to release his grip for a moment to free both his arms to swim again for air. The morkoth accelerated up into Hyribedes. He allowed himself to sink and even tilt headfirst down, as he again struggled to unsheathe his blade. In a great bubbling roar, the blade erupted out in a spray of white light, and parted the legendary morkoth into two halves, directly through the head and mouth. The two halves of the tentacled beast spasmed in irregular intervals, and eventually fell limply to the lake bottom. One half rolled over. Amazingly Naomiculous heaved himself out from its belly, with one less arm and a leg completely bitten through. Naom methodically made his way to the surface and the safety of the barge, as Hyribedes pressed on.

A shadowy form slid through the water, nearing Naomiculous. It was Kloris. By the glint of his teeth, Hyribedes feared the worst. Perhaps he had already found the ring, and the woman who was fated to be his wife would end up instead married to this scrawny little water weasel. Hyribedes swam towards Kloris attempting to cut him off, but he didn't have to. A cocoon needler got to Kloris first.

Cocoon needlers are incredibly small crystalline fish and thin like a needle, and they use a small tail to propel themselves through the water like a rope. Often times a cocoon needler's prey doesn't even realize they have been attacked until it is too late. Kloris nearly made it to the barge until the fine silk ropes of the cocoon needler wrapped first his ankles, and then across this mouth and wrists. Tighter and tighter is spun and wrapped him until all Kloris could do was wriggle around like a tadpole.

Thinking on instinct, Hyribedes swam towards Kloris and slashed the silky cords apart with his sword of blazing white light. They frayed instantly, and the cocoon needler began to swim more swiftly. Ten hoops of silky rings were suddenly tightening around the neck of Hyribedes. Kloris released a leg from his cords, and at the same time Hyribedes locked his fingers around Kloris's other ankle. The strands slid tighter around his neck, and Hyribedes released his grip from his enchanted sword. With is free hand waving desperately, he caught hold of the strands weaving around him. He wove them through the thumb of his other hand locked around Kloris's ankle. Klorish kicked at that hand, and Hyribedes punched him back causing him to swallow a mouthful of water.

Kloris began to kick more quickly, but with less strength and poorer aim. Hyribedes pulled the threads along through his thumb twice more, and soon found the hard crystaline body of the cocoon needler attached at the end. In a last desperate move, Hyribedes jammed the pointed nose of the needler into the neck of Kloris, and released his other hand from the ankle to clasp the hilt of his sword that nearly escaped. He brought the point up and slid across the strands down the back of his neck. The silk splintered open, and his flesh severed. Though skin was sliced deep, he believed it would heal easily on the back of his neck.

A few moments later Hyribedes was back on the barge. He hoisted the dying Kloris up over the edge with him. He felt through his pockets, found the ring, and held it high for all to see it sparkling in the sun. Nobles of Kloris's house flooded around to see if he could be helped, and one of them accused Hyribedes. "Kloris found the ring, not Hyribedes. Hyribedes attacked Kloris in the water, and now he steals the prize too."

The Grand Merchant Yaznes dramatically strode forward and raised his voice above all. "It appears to me that Hyribedes has completed the deed of merit to the letter, that is, unless Kloris at this moment is able to prevent Hyribedes from claiming his prize." Kloris sputtered. He strained and lifted his neck as Hyribedes placed the ring in the awaiting hands of Ubila. Then he drew his last breath.

"So be it. My daughter and Hyribedes, her champion shall be wed on the morning of Saint Hephala's Day."

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What Hyribedes did not know is the Ubila's heart belonged to another. His name and reputation was not known among the nobility, but it was spoken in secret corners of taverns and pleasure houses. While in disguise at one such tavern, that is where Ubila first learned of Jaques the Rogue.

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