Evening Contemplation of... Anguished English!

in writing •  6 years ago 

I try to be as open-minded and considerate reasonably possible. Really, I do. 

I also try to be mindful of the fact that we are in an international community here, and English is not the first language of many participants on Steemit. 

Actually, that includes myself. My first language is Danish, not English.

Sunset
California sunset, Marin County

Still, I see some examples of "anguished English" around here that suggest much more than someone who's not good at English — they suggest someone simply too lazy to run what they have to say through even a rudimentary translator or grammar checker.

This afternoon I came across a comment including the phrase "We are anguished by the wisdom of your content!

And you just have to ask yourself what — if anything — the original intent was.

I must confess, for the record, that I love language itself. And I love the many "blooper reels" that come with language, especially in the writing field.

One of my favorite websites is Engrish.com, which focuses on extremely awkward translations of (mostly) instructions and tourist signage to English, as posted in foreign countries.

Classics such as: "In case of fire, please ejaculate the premises!"

Eagles
We'll be WATCHING you...

Once upon a time, I actually worked as an online grader of California high school exit exams, grading English papers. Granted, these were the essays of high school seniors, but still... you'd imagine that after four years (at least) of being taught English that they would be able to make at least minimal sense.

And yet? Quite a few things I saw were truly frightening, some were merely funny (these are real examples from my old notes!):

"In 1941 the Japanese bummed Pearl Harbor."

"William Shakespire was born upon Stanford of Avon in 1964."

Sometimes I encountered revisionist history:

Damselfly
Damselfly... NOT "in distress"

"Martin Luther went around the world making so many reformation speeches that he became famous like 'I have a dream' until he was shot and killed but his son Martin Luther King Jr. took his place in helping the slaves become equals."

And then, of course, my all-time favorite religious interpretation:

"From the Bible, it says Jesus is a son of God, who came down from the neaven(sic) and save people from the Sims. As soon as he had a birth from the Mary, he had a respectorations from his cousin John the Baptist's mom Emizabeth and his mental father Joseph and his mother Mary. Also from the three guys from the hut."

Seriously, though, I am not picking on anyone who's learning English here! But language IS... funny!

How about YOU? Do you enjoy some of the funny ways language gets used, by mistake? Have any funny examples you'd like to share? Leave a comment-- share your experiences-- be part of the conversation!


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Back in the early 2000s I too needed to be saved from my Sims. That PC game was eating up way too much of my time!

Love this post - I actually saw that original comment which sparked this and it left me scratching my head as well!

I deal with a lot of people from India at my job, and so I have maintained a document on my computer entitled “engrish.docx” where I record particularly amusing examples. A few of my own:

please find attached new file. Please let me know in case of any doubt.

good news. Before time.

sorry I missed the attend last Friday meeting

I like to suggest please keep open both tickets till issue is not fixed in both environments

thanks for the prompt response I will like to bring following to your kind notice

I am OK with QA scheduled but QA efforts considered for this work is very less

And my all time favorite:

kindly do the needful

Ah yes, those are some gems! I have kept some of my old notes from various gigs, just to save the funny bits.

Back when I worked in IT, my friend Arjay (who was "technically speaking" Indian, but was born and raised in Texas) would occasionally break out a thick Indian accent and exclaim "A thousand pardons! I am standing here beside myself!" when he'd forgotten to submit some part of project... and then — just for effect — he'd add "Y'all..."

My ex worked for an insurance company and said some of the things they saw on claim forms were every bit as funny as some of the web memes that have done the rounds:

"An invisible tree appeared from nowhere, collided with my vehicle, and vanished."

Uhm-hmmm....

Perhaps they are using Google translate. Always best to translate from your language to English, then back again to see just how much it mangles it. Their system has gotten better since they have gone to end to end deep learning, but for languages with relatively small samples it still gets a lot of things wrong.

Proud member of #steemitbloggers @steemitbloggers

Google translate seems to render highly variable outcomes, depending on your language... and if someone is using a long of "local slang" in the original post, you end up with some high amusing — and occasionally mysterious — prose!

Some languages are really messed up in Google translate. Danish is pretty OK, but linguists have proposed that the nature of the English grammer owes more than until now recognised from old norse maybe even being Scandinavian in nature, it is a fact at least that Scandinavian languages are very well translated in Google.

Yes, the Nordic languages do seem to come out quite accurately when translated online. I didn't know that, but I suppose it makes sense given that there are so many genetic commonalities between (particularly) Scotland/Ireland and Scandinavian peoples.

My wife recently completed one of those DNA analyses to discover elements of her background heritage. In the first phase, it returned "53% Anglo-Saxon", which in turn was broken down to being mostly Danish not English.

I would say, I am a learner of the English and I want to get anything available about this language on the platform. Language is the subject, one cannot get the full grip on.
But one who is not even capable of writing the basic grammar should learn first and then write a comment. At least it should make a clear sense.
I also saw many examples like that of terrible English.
By the way, I learn from your writings. You write really good.

Thank you @adnan556644; your English is quite good and clear!

Perhaps one of the issues is also that some of the original posters are also a little bit lazy and just don't take the time to do their best.

Always good for a laugh, but many idiotic phrases are finding their way into Dutch because of incompetent translators, especially through commercials, and I must say that is starting to annoy me a bit.

I would imagine that would also be more prevalent these days since you have a large immigrant population in the Netherlands.

Strangely, many of them speak better Dutch than those who write texts for commercials 8-).

Language at least in USA has been replaced by text acronyms...meme's....photos....and made up language among those in a chosen group.....interpretation of what folks are trying to communicate has become an art form....

You're absolutely right. And sometimes it makes me wonder if we're going to slowly return to some version of ancient times and just communicate with a series of grunts and drawing with sticks in the sand.

OK, so that's a wild exaggeration, but I think you might get my drift...

We here like to tease ourselves with our own style of English, due to we are a multiracial country. I think it's fun!

I think it's great when people can find the humor in it! Which I do, myself, as well when it comes to Danish/English translations.

Yes, it sounds even funnier when others find it amusing!

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Wow . So Pretty . Go ahead....

Beautiful sunset...