To the Parents

INTRODUCTION

Parental love goes a long way to affect what and who a child will become in life.
Parental love is the greatest in the world. Parental love is the first love a child get from his/her parent right from the day of birth. Parental love has a great impact in a child’s life. Parental love goes with the upbringing of a child even in discipline, you parents still show love to their children ‘‘ beat your child with the right hand and draw the child close to you after you’ve disciplined the child with your left hand’’

HOW DO YOU RELATE WITH YOUR CHILD?

Are you too busy to find time for your child? If yes
What are you busy doing?
Work? Or what’s keeping you busy?

Relate with your child not just as a father or mother but relate with your child as a brother, sister, friend. Know everything about you child, know when your child is happy and when your child is unhappy, read meaning to every of the child’s action, they are young but they are smart and clever at the same time. For parents in big cities who are too busy with commercial works and keeps their child with nanny or baby sitters. It’s even worse in some cases where a full house wife won’t still have time for her child while at home. Nanny still performs the role of a mum in the life of a child. Some children doesn’t even know their real mum but they know their nanny. I hope it won’t be too late before you know the impact of parental love in the life of your child.
Don’t let your children miss your love for anything because they will grow up not loving you and also it will have a great effect on them (emotionally). As a parent you need quality time with your child, the child needs attention, someone to talk to even if what the child will say is nonsense but note that there is sense in nonsense.
Some parents neglect their child ignorantly because of religion they show less affection to their child. There are cases where a child will see that the parent are back from work and the next the child will do is to pretend as if he/she is asleep just because the parent are too strict. Don’t create the spirit of fear in your child, your child shouldn’t panic just because you are in a place let your child be free with you even when you discipline the child.

How often do you hug your child?

We all live busy, stressful lives and have endless concerns as parents, but it is clear that one of the most important things we need to do is to stop and give our kids a big loving squeeze. Research over the past decade highlights the link between affection in childhood and health and happiness in the future.
According to Child Trends – the leading nonprofit research organization in the United States focused on improving the lives and prospects of children, youth, and their families – science supports the idea that warmth and affection expressed by parents to their children results in life-long positive outcomes for those children.
Higher self-esteem, improved academic performance, better parent-child communication, and fewer psychological and behavior problems have been linked to this type of affection. On the other hand, a child who do not have affectionate parents tend to have lower self-esteem and to feel more alienated, hostile, aggressive, and anti-social.
There have been a number of recent studies that highlight the relationship between parental affection and children’s happiness and success.
In 2010, researchers at Duke University Medical School found that babies with very affectionate and attentive mothers grow up to be happier, more resilient, and less anxious adults. The study involved about 500 people who were followed from when they were infants until they were in their 30s. When the babies were eight months old, psychologists observed their mothers’ interactions with them as they took several developmental tests.
The psychologists rated the mother’s affection and attention level on a five-point scale ranging from
“negative” to “extravagant.” Nearly 10 percent of the mothers showed low levels of affection, 85 percent demonstrated a normal amount of affection, and about six percent showed high levels of affection.
Then 30 years later, those same individuals were interviewed about their emotional health. The adults whose mothers showed “extravagant” or “caressing” affection were much less likely than the others to feel stressed and anxious. They were also less likely to report hostility, distressing social interactions, and psychosomatic symptoms.
The researchers involved in this study concluded that the hormone oxytocin may be responsible for this effect. Oxytocin is a chemical in the brain released during times when a person feels love and connection. It has been shown to help parents bond with their children, adding a sense of trust and support between them. This bond most likely helps our brain produce and use oxytocin, causing a child to feel more positive emotions.
Next, a 2013 study from unconditional love and affection found that unconditional love and affection from a parent can make children emotionally happier and less anxious. This happens because their brain actually changes as a result of the affection. On the other hand, the negative impact of childhood abuse and lack of affection impacts children both mentally and physically. This can lead to all kinds of health and emotional problems throughout their lives. What’s really fascinating is that scientists think parental affection can actually protect individuals against the harmful effects of childhood stress.
Then in 2015, a study out of the University of Notre Dame showed that children who receive affection from their parents were happier as adults. More than 600 adults were surveyed about how they were raised, including how much physical affection they had. The
Adults who reported receiving more affection in childhood displayed less depression and anxiety and were more compassionate overall. Those who reported less affection struggled with mental health, tended to be more upset in social situations, and were less able to relate to other people’s perspectives.
Researchers have also studied the benefits of skin-to-skin contact for infants. This special interaction between mother and baby, in particular, helps calm babies so they cry less and sleep more. It has also been shown to boost brain development. According to an article in Scientific American, children who lived in a deprived environment like an orphanage had higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol than those who lived with their parents. Scientists believe that the lack of physical contact in the orphanages is a major factor in these physical changes.
Finally, numerous studies on the effects of massage show the positive benefits it offers to reduce anxiety in children. Massage is also a good way for parents to connect to their children, both physically and emotionally. Starting in infancy, a parent can begin to massage their child, which can create a strong bond. Studies have shown children and adults who receive massage experience less anxiety during academic stress, hospital stays, and other stressful events.

How can you bring more hugs into your family’s day?

From the moment you bring your baby home from the hospital, be sure to hold, touch, and rock them in your arms. Spend many precious moments caressing your baby so that their skin can touch your skin.
As they get older, be playful by doing fun activities like dancing together or creating silly games like pretending to be a hugging or kissing monster. Set a
reminder to make sure hugging is part of your daily routine. In the recent Trolls movie, the Trolls wore watches with alarm clocks that would go off every hour for hug time. If that’s what it takes, then set yourself an alarm. Or make sure to give your kids a hug during certain times of the day, such as before they leave for school, when they get home from school, and before bedtime.
Another interesting idea is to use affection while disciplining your child. As you talk to them about what they did wrong, put your hand on their shoulder and give them a hug at the end of the conversation to ensure them that, even if you are not pleased with their behavior, you still love them. If your children hit their sister or brother, hug them and explain how hugging feels better than hitting.
As a parent you also need to be careful not to go overboard and smother your kids. Respect their individual comfort level, and be aware that this will change as they go through different stages.

IMPORTANCE OF PARENTAL LOVE

As a parent your role is to care for and prepare your child for independent survival as an adult. A child who enjoyed parental love has self-respect, self-confidence, self-responsibility, optimism and self-esteem when the child grows up and this prepare the child for the challenges of life.
If a child has love from parental figures, they may be more protected from the impact of the abuse of any kind. A child who is loved sees the parent as a supporter and this gives the child more courage in everything the child is doing.

          LACK OF PARENTAL LOVE

Every child has the right to enjoy parental love while growing up but what happens when a child didn't get the love and affection from the parent. Lack of parental love, abuse in childhood linked to multiple health risks in adulthood
The effects of childhood abuse and a lack of parental affection can last a lifetime, taking a toll both emotionally and physically. a child who do not have affectionate parents tend to have lower self-esteem and to feel more alienated, hostile, aggressive, and anti-social.
Many reports have assessed the psychological damage resulting from childhood abuse; the effects of such abuse on physical health have also been well documented. The "toxic" stress resulting from abuse has been linked to elevated cholesterol, cardiovascular disease, metabolic syndrome and other physical conditions that pose a significant health risk.
Parental love is crucial for a child's well-being. On the flip side, the negative impact of childhood abuse or lack of parental affection take a mental and physical toll can also last a lifetime. Childhood neglect increases adult risk for morbidity and mortality.

SOLA"Growing up, I didn't enjoy the love of earthly parent when I was growing up and this affected me in all sphere. I became addicted to wanting to be love, so I fall in love with any stupid person that says I LOVE YOU and during this process I messed up myself, I was abused and I had abortions countless times, I was running from being abused but at the end I still fall into another trap. Am not proud of my story but I know my messes are my messages to change the world. Finding true love, took me a long time before I accepted the love even when I know the love is true.
This affected my relationship with friends and loved ones, always moody, keeping things to myself alone and this made them think that I want to be isolated not knowing what am passing through.
This anger and agony grew up in me even when I got married, my husband gave me all the things and affection needed but I couldn’t reciprocate the love back to him because I have this pain in me but my husband never stopped loving me though he was confused because he didn’t know what was wrong with me but God’s mercies and grace helped me and the pain burning inside of me was quenched by the stream of life. I never believed that I would have children due to the fact that I had countless abortions in my tender age’’.

When a child is not being love the child feels rejected and runs to anybody that will accept him/her with the heart of love. Rejection is something we all have experienced at one point or the other in life. From friends, family members and even from people we don't know. But it’s hurt the most when it’s coming from our parent because we feel they should understand. We feel they are in the position to think big of us.

BENJAMIN ‘‘raise your child in a way that the child will grow up loving you till eternity. I was single handedly raised by my mum and she loved me throughout her life time but I still miss something and I hate to admit to it. I missed the fatherly love and discipline. I grew up not with my mum but through the years dad never showed up. I was curious of knowing who this man is because my friends always talk about their dad but when it comes to my turn I have nothing to say because I don’t even know my daddy’s name and his where about but I know he is alive. He doesn’t even care to know if am still alive or not this made me feel that am being rejected by him but I also have the courage that I have a father that will never ever fail ‘‘Jesus’’. Fatherly love makes me act silly and annoying most times because I feel lonely ever since mum has passed on. I took my time to look for this man but he was not even happy to see me. After the first encounter he had my contact but he never put a call through. This grew up much hatred in me for him and I don’t even want to hear anything about him.. Though I think about him sometimes but I can’t forgive him for abandoning him ever since I was born… I also met people who influenced my life negatively just because I didn’t enjoy the parental love which am entitled to…. if you are reading my story please show your child all the love and affection you have and spend quality time with your child. ‘‘That child will grow up loving you’’

A child right from childhood sees a negative side of their self. Some see their self as too small, too tall, too fat, too slim, not beautiful, not handsome, too dumb, too short.etc

‘‘A child can only get through all these things with the help of parental love.
A child who feels rejected will interpret every action as rejection while a child who feel loved will only see love through tick times’’

AROME ‘‘I enjoyed parental love but not the way I wish to enjoy it though’’ growing up with this conditional love I had the feeling that something is missing but I have to embrace and appreciate the love shown to me at that moment for me not to be ungrateful. There was a time that I totally erased what parental love is but memories keep ringing the bell and I can’t help but listen. I grew up being loved by just one person but my story changed when I got to the university, I discovered that anybody can be a biological parent but it takes special ones to be loving parents. Then I know what is called unconditional love and this suppressed the pain and depression I had deep inside of me. My life had a turn around and I enjoyed the parental love I wished to have had in when I was growing up. Though I had crazy memories, bad and there were so many things I did back then, I wasn’t happy I did those things but the truth is that I have no regrets. You know why? Because I passed through those things for me to be a message that will change your life and your child’s life for good’’ don’t judge my past because the doors are closed to those things did back then all you need to do is to learn from my past and give your child the best love because it’s their right’’

TO THE PARENT

Do you know an emotionally avoidant and detached parent/guardian? If so,
What makes that person so emotionally unavailable?
Is it a mental illness, personality disorder, or something else such as a job, career goal, or educational endeavor?

Whatever it is, having an emotionally unavailable parent or guardian can lead to a lifelong journey of unstable or failed relationships, emotional neediness, empty voids, identity confusion, poor attachment to others, low self-esteem and self-efficacy (the feeling of mastery), etc. Research has identified the importance of all infants and developing children having an appropriate, warm, and loving attachment to a mother figure during the developmental years. Without an appropriate, warm, and loving parental figure, children are likely to develop multiple personality, emotional, and psychological difficulties. For many of my clients, the absence of a loving parental figure has resulted in an increase in psychiatric symptoms, school and academic difficulties, fear of abandonment, and many other challenges. This article will discuss the aftereffects or consequences of growing up without an emotionally available parent.
Parents who are emotionally unavailable are often immature and psychologically affected themselves. As difficult as it is to believe, emotionally unavailable parents have a host of their own problems that might go back as far as their own childhood. There is often a deficit in parents who are unable to meet the emotional and psychological needs of their child. In a sense, some emotionally void parents deserve sympathy as they are often emotionally burned adults who have no way of coping with their own emotional and psychological needs. As a result, such parents become one of the following: rejecting, emotionally distant, immature, self-centered or narcissistic, or driven to succeed in life. These adults are not emotionally what their stated (or chronological) age says they are. They are pseudo-mature in many ways which often pushes the child to become adult-like and emotionally independent before their time. The parent maintains negative patterns of behavior due to lack of self-awareness, often affecting the child in more ways than one, while the child sinks further and further into despair. Sadly, these same kids develop into emotionally needy teens and adults who are longing for the love, security, and affection they never received.
Symptoms often representative of adults who are emotionally immature and detached include but are not limited to: rigidity (unwillingness to be flexible when needed), low stress tolerance (inability to tolerate stress in a mature manner),
emotional instability with aggression (anger outbursts characterized by threats of physical aggression, suicidal gesture, cutting behaviors or other acts of self-harm), poor boundaries (desiring to be their child’s friend instead of a parent), unstable relationships (multiple partners or friends who create more trouble than peace), and attention-seeking (looking for accolades, recognition, or support at all costs) among many other characteristics. Tragically, the affected children often develop into teenagers and adults who also struggle with life.
Some of the consequences of growing up under immature and emotionally void parents include:
 Affected adult relationships: Believe it or not, our childhood(s) affect our relationships and how we interact with others later in life. If we were loved and cared for appropriately, we will most likely exhibit those same traits as adults. If we were abused and neglected, we will most likely develop characteristics to protect ourselves as adults such as being defensive or overly protective. Some adults become angry or struggle with long-term relationships which lead to a series of short-term and unstable relationships. It is important for me to mention that not every child with an emotionally unavailable parent will develop into an adult with problems. Some adults develop into better people than their parent(s) could ever be. Every situation is different and the variables in the lives of children with emotionally unavailable parents are also different. However, for the most part, children with emotionally void parents often develop into teenagers and adults with problems themselves.
 Fear of attachment and love: Children who have developed under an emotionally void parent will most likely develop into a teenager and adult who struggle to emotionally attach to others and receive/demonstrate love. While working within a nonprofit agency in which my clients tended to be abused (emotionally, physically, and sexually), I noticed a pattern in which many of these clients struggled not only to maintain appropriate peer and staff interactions, but also struggled to connect with me and other mental health professionals. Trust is a major component of positive emotional attachment. When you haven’t experienced the love, affection, and protection of a loving adult, you are more likely to develop defenses or protective mechanisms that keep you separated from other people in some way. Unfortunately, defense and protective mechanisms can prevent the individual from engaging appropriately in therapy or trusting that they can be happy and feel secure in their relationships.
 Borderline and narcissistic personality traits: Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and borderline personality disorder (BPD) are two disorders that can negatively affect everyone in connection to the sufferer. The unstable, emotionally labile moods often characteristic of BPD can lead to frequent arguments, paranoia, blaming, and physical or verbal aggression. The self-centered, overly confident, and arrogant behaviors of NPD can make developing children feel estranged emotionally from that parent. Without proper treatment/therapy, these two disorders can destabilize the household and many relationships.
 Selfishness: I’ve often regarded selfishness as a personality deficit as it is a characteristic that is not admirable. Not being able to share with others can lead to an inability to be emotionally detached and immature behavior. I previously had a cousin who enjoyed playing games on his phone after school. His mother, who has a childhood history of abuse, reported that she would not permit him to play on his phone after school. Of course, many parents do not want their children to play games until homework or chores are completed. But to my surprise, this was not the reason for restricting access to his phone. She eventually admitted that she did not like him touching her phone because she had spent so much money on it and liked the fact that it still seemed brand new. She further reported that, as a child, she rarely had anything of her own and felt a need to “protect” her investment. This kind of selfishness resulted in many years of parent-child conflict. As her son grew older and began to question her behavior(s), he became even more resentful of her and eventually asked to live with his father. The relationship was destroyed.
 Substance abuse/dependency: In order to cope with pain and sorrow, many people turn to a substance that “takes them away” or “dulls the pain.” Sadly, recreational use or prescription use of drugs becomes a habit and the need for self-medication becomes an addiction. Once an addiction happens, the life of the user then becomes more complicated as relationships, employment, and other important areas of life no longer seem important to the substance abuser.
 Lack of identity and direction: A former adolescent female client once asked me the following question almost every individual session we would have: “how do you know what kind of relationship you should have if all of the relationships in your life have been abusive or exploitative in some way?” I would always respond by highlighting the importance of having a strong foundation of morals and identity. Without understanding who you really are, you are more likely to follow the crowd and allow anyone with the slightest bit of interest of you into your life. When you know who you are, what you want, and what is best for you, you are likely to be more careful in choosing other individuals to be a part of your life. A lack of identity can lead to a series of unstable and shallow relationships that are short-lived.
 Loss of hope, faith, and joy: For many adults who were raised under an emotionally void parent there is a deep feeling of loss and grief. The “loss” of a parent who is still living and breathing can seem like the most tragic experience. To look a parent in the eyes or hear their voice and yet feel so far away, is tragic. The inability to connect to the very person who brought you into this world is tragic. It is like a tease. It is like a distant fantasy. Sadly, the adult child begins to feel a sense of grief and loss of hope, faith, and joy. Sometimes adult children internalize their emotions and begin to feel depressed, suicidal, or self-injurious. This is often when substance abuse begins.
It is truly sad that a child’s life can be affected by the emotional and psychological instability and unavailability of a parent. It’s as if this belief gives the unstable parent more power than they deserve. But decades of research confirm that children must have the experience, during early childhood development, of a warm caregiver/guardian in order to develop the appropriate skills (the ability to be emotionally available, connect with other individuals, understand the rules of social communication, etc.) needed for later in life.
CONCLUSION
Parental love should be the first love a child will ever get or experience. It’s the first love they will understand and that's why is dangerous when its becomes rejection. Parental love is the greatest in the world which God has ordained them.