There is no evidence-based therapy for Depression as comorbidity of Autism. For the lucky-few cognitive strategies and mindfulness training works to reduce that eternal ruminating and increase physical/mental wellbeing. For the over-riding majority, however, nothing will work, except medication, if one can call that "working".
A great grey quiet may descend around them.
CHATEAU MIRAVAL, Corens-Val, Provence; Artists who have recorded here include Pink Floyd (The Wall), AC/DC, The Cure, Muse, Wham!, David Sylvian (solo and with Rain Tree Crow), Chris Rea, Sade, the Go-Betweens, Steve Winwood, Yes, UB40, Chris Braide, Shirley Bassey, the Gipsy Kings, Shakatak, Rammstein, Fonky Family, Kelly Family, Blankass, Silmarils, Jimmy Barnes, Courtney Love and Elton John. And Pitt and Jolie got married there - but let's not mention that ...
I wish I could send them all to Chateau Miraval in the Provence. Taste some wine, record some songs... . This is the home and recording studio with vineyard of pianist/arranger/composer Jacques Loussier (who finds Bach easy-peasy, which makes him suspect there might be some truth to reincarnation.... see BBC Radio 4 Desert Island Discs).
Jacques Loussier - Toccata And Fugue in D Minor. I am guessing from the turtle necks this is a recording from the 70's.
One of Loussier's Island discs and a favorite of mine. Although Django by McLaughlin (on The Promise) is where my love for this song stems from. Loussier cannot call John Lewis a skilled pianist, but what he manages to do with three or four fingers impresses him sufficiently.
Of course, even after these inspiring videos they won't go. The Autistics. The Autists. My sister. But let's not get personal. She'd not stand for it.
Lovaas with his ABA programme makes a claim for a 47 % recovery rate for Autism. I know what he means: the ones you've manged to train (rigorously, with unfailing dedication, one-on-one, in every imaginable situation, much like a police dog) look totally normal by the time they read adulthood, may be sociable and likeable and often rearing to get on with life. Do not be fooled. The Autism is still there to trip the person up, especially when you least expect it. Much of who they are is what it says on the tin: Applied Behaviours. This works very well for most people . It only remains obvious where their soul is clearly meant to escape the system (of dead thinking). Autism dampens all proactivity from the heart for life. The head is just too dominant. Life is the opposite of head.
Books Are the Cure!
Hardly.
A desperate book maybe?
“Bear Despair: A Charming Illustrated Wordless Story of Obsession and Perseverance” by French illustrator Gaëtan Dorémus
I adore children's picture books. I promise you I've been depressed, but I still think a world filled with children's picture books are practically the No. One Antidote to depression!
I think they worked miracles on bonding for my son and myself over the course of the 14 years or so I read to him (several times a day the first seven, and nightly for the next seven, at least. Only the other day, he wanted to reread "Madeleine" !) (Written by Ludwig Bemelmans).
Okay. So we're all grown up now. How about we give books a try? Don't take any tips from me, but how about a suggestion from a booklover? Want to start with something worthwhile - of course you do if you are autistic, every second counts, tic-toc, tic-toc, tic-toc shhh... first, relax....
Now pick a Nobel Prize Winner: "for writings marked by a broad outlook, a wealth of ideas and artistic power"(Wikipedia): Canetti, as suggested by aforementioned #booklover. Or try something French, for sophistication with an Indo-Chinese link (his second suggestion). I won't press you on the first suggestion: clear print in one consistent direction, from top to bottom, one flow left to right (or right to left, or up to down) is best for the ragged mind.
Finally -oh yes! the suggestions come streaming up to me quick and sure, most days (just look at my bookcase drama to know the floods this gives, such water fun!) - Loussier's desert island read: the obscure BEASTS, MEN AND GODS by Ferdinand Ossendowski. It MUST be uplifting, right? To take along as your only companion for ever more.
If only we could lift depression, like a cross to carry part of the way....
Disclaimer, the AS spectrum is vast and everybody is different. I write with my sister, son his father and mine in mind. My attitude to autism is fundamentally negative but this is not the same as my attitude to the people who suffer with autism. It is my objective to meet people in circumstances when they feel most at ease with themselves; where the autism prevents this it is my choice to no longer facilitate extended contact. One of us has to survive Autism to tell the tale of where the journey in our heads must stop.
I once got invited to become an 'autism helper' for a young boy of only 2 years old. The parents were rich and had this idea: we just hire psychology students full-time and let them apply ABA on our son while we are at work.
I got a training to get to know the boy and how to 'play' with him. It felt like dog training. I could only give him a compliment or his toy after (!) he had looked me in the eye. I quit this 'job' based on a gut feeling of 'this is not right' and pursued my interests in autism in different ways.
I've found 'my crowd' of people with autism who became my colleagues. I've learned terribly much from them. About autism, about being human. I might write a post about the things I've learned, snippets, I don't have that intense experience you have with a sister and son with autism, that must have influenced you a great deal.
To deal with autism is, in my eyes, the opposite of applying ABA, although in some communities this is an unpopular opinion. It's about connecting to them as humans, which they are, just differently than what we (have learned to!!!) perceive as 'normal'. I've had more intense connections with some people with autism then I ever will have with some of those without.
I love that you were able to connect with your son through books. We should use that more in life: connect to people through their interests and try to understand the world to 'differently wired' brain.
(My autism colleagues jokingly/lovingly called me a 'neuro typical' (NT). Like: "Can I have your opinion on this from a neuro typical perspective? Did I see this all wrong?")
Connecting to another human is possible on so many levels. Eye contact and being able to speak or write full sentences is not all that counts. I'm currently working with people from Suriname and I've seen how they have relationships on a totally different level then people in the Netherlands do: where we/I seek people with an equal intellect/educational level their friendships are disconnected from all that and are based on... What? I'm still to find out.
Brotherhood is the only thing that comes to mind, but I still have to find out more about what that is, means, how it works.
These confrontations, whether it's with autism or with other cultures and how they define 'connection', teach me a lot and help me grow as a human.
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Wonderful brotherly thoughts! Very much love that word: Brotherhood . Sisterhood is also cool, but autism really focuses on brotherhood, especially from an esoteric perspective, where I stand in researching Autism. From that perspective there are some interesting clues as to what autism may be about in making us more human; on the other hand in complementary circles there is much neglect for the management of autism due to accepting it as a "variety" of normalcy. Speaking to those with higher functioning autistim it surely is not a desirable state of being to live with as and when it is experienced as the disorder it is. Clearly the "Rain Man" cases are far from just another way to being successfully human.
Love your NT approach to life. Very holistic. People love to box us in on the subject of autism, but fact is some of us just sense much better than others what it is and what it isn't. It is why you and I get a bit icky about ABA.
Equally as controversially I'd say go to Temple Grandin on how she sees how animals organise their input data and how the keepers of these animals have a care of duty to their mental well-being. This teaches the parent above all the necessity to set restricted, facilitated and protective environments and where the training begins and where it ends.
It is sensible to train the brain to conform to basic levels of sense-impression processing - which is ad fundum what we have in common with the animals closest to us (domesticated). Identify the blue ribbon emotions in your child and apply management skills where applicable to your very young children to bring them back to a base-line state of functionality. Or personality development will suffer.
Sometimes the brain is just a dog who needs a pack leader. We all may turn to a guru from time to time! Parents must not be afraid to lead their children more forecefully than is socially acceptable when it comes to autism. Letting go at the right ages (incrementally) will be far more successful (proof in case!). But boy was it a fight (with the System) to do it OUR way! (ABA wants to creep in everywhere).
Your additional illustration of your work with people from Suriname caps off the autism-problem perfectly! Afterall, aren't Suriname people in Rotterdam also not a "problem". Yeah, or maybe there was a problem to begin with making it hard for new comers (newly born) to integrate....?
Sisters in arms to fight brainless judgements and a lack of understanding. Thanking all Suriname people and all Autists and all of Soyrosa for all the hope we all may muster for the salvation of Mankind! (If I've missed anyone in my gratitude please include yourself as thanked.)
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Many traits in higher function austic people are ones that can foster a feeling of deeper connection because of the raw honesty of the interactions. Missing social cues can be embarassing, but it can also mean not being burdened with cultural baggage and just experiencing the world more sincerely. Of course, if you miss the cues that help you get your rent and grocery money you're sol. Lots of our cultural expectations may be fabricated nonsense, but a mob holding the food hostage is a real thing when youre hungry 😂
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I am technically Adhd but I kiss (deep awkward tongue kiss like my first attempt at 12) the spectrum in more then enough areas for me to have actually figured out the connection between the two about 5 years before they were they were acknowledged (Im 38). Depression is a constant companion, and I am highly certain at this point in my life that most, if not all, is situational and a by product of my failings to accept or be able to follow all of socities arbitry rules. I am eternal, true things make sense, and I know them without effort. But whims and random lines in the sand have to be memorized and I cant seem to make my brain waste the space necessary to keep them on hand for reguritation on inspection. Some of my favorite depression books are Through the Looking Glass for its cleverness, and Gatsby and Heart of Darkness for their perfect language and single-day-read-through-ability . My bf and whole extended family are very strong ADDers with some Autistic children, and you sound like you're more than familar with the chaos we are as a gaggle ❤ Ive spent easily a third of my life in a state of depression, and been really active in trying all possible areas of 'treatments'- neuro feedback, behavioral training, food/herbs, and pharma meds being my least used because they have only helped me very briefly or not at all- and yeah Im with you begging for the answer ✌
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Super recognisable answer I could have written at 38! Clearly your high intelligence is something to love and hate. It can really hang you up the most! It's a war, kiddo. One I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Some simply don't make it out in one piece. I write this here so audaciously because you're on track to cracking what it takes. The three book choices are the clues. I can see it, feel it, testify to it - but yeah as for telling you how... I guess as Brad sings: it's a question of time. Peace.
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I think our separated and convenient living from the efforts to hunt and gather (or at least to agricultural activities and the acknowledgment for life cycles and all the connected art) for food produces much more autism than it's commonly perceived. That indeed goes to comment on people and give them compliments as this is a learned strategy to come forward and to be accepted by the people one encounters. I've seen it many times here on the platform and probably I did it many times myself as I assume there may some mild autism/depression living in me (and every "civilized" person) as well. But ask a human for his experiences in having been spiritually and ethically present and he won't even know what you are asking for.
So, asking myself: when was I spiritually present? I can only come up spontaneously with two events. First, the birth of my son. Those precious minutes I was aware that "today's the day" and I felt connected, calm and content. Neither anxious nor enthusiastic but only "there". It was shortly before I lost it all and put myself into the care of the clinic. Biggest mistake ever.
The second event was the week before my mother died and I was in the hospital room with her. Before that, I collected some personal stuff for her, searched for song texts and melodies of which I knew she was accustomed to, her songbook and some other little things. I then was reading and singing for her and that was a spiritual service of importance to both her and me.
Without having the feeling of acting out of spirit it would only be seen as the right behavior but nothing else. In between, I lost many times the confidence of spirituality as grief was gripping me but I was able to shake it off and be light-hearted - also with the help of my dying mother as well.
There was one significant moment when my sister wanted my mom to eat. I was against her pushing food into her mouth, couldn't agree on that and wished my sister to stop. My mother, who almost wasn't able to speak at that time anymore, pushed the spoon away, gave my sister a very direct and clear look and said: "You, eat!" Then ... after some seconds, we all laughed with relief. I felt respect for my mother and I was astounded by her strength in this old, griefing, damaged, pain-giving body. I will never forget her eyes looking at me.
The moment in the chapel (in the freezer) also I was lucky to witness the old neighbor lady from next door (with whom my mom never quite got warmed up) bending down to my dead mother, kissing her gently and friendly on the cheek, saying: "My dear Lindachen" - using the sweet form of her name - "we will greatly miss you". No sign of anxiety from her, nothing of despair but simply the acknowledgment of reality. How good that was.
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And what if we don't ask but observe for those spiritual/ethical moments? Could we find them better then? The child examining her ant. The neighbour wishing a departed soul well.
Beautiful examples!
If there is something clinically autistic present for you in your computing system (the brain) then it can be hard to see how even more important than these splendid testimonial examples is the soft weft that runs through your (specific) entire life, like michorrizal roots, seeking connections which are already there as in soulful constellations. If you can already there is nothing autistic about you. If you struggle to do so, never mind, then you are self-curing yourself amazingly. Describing your emotions and observations with as much soul as you do is extremely valid.
Next step: spiritual reality. But it's not for everyone, yet. It's a spiritual evolutionary thing. We mustn't want to run before we can walk. I appreciate your steady footfall.
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I was speaking more of an overall observation when it comes to dis-ease (in the literal sense). I do not know enough about the diagnoses of autism - but what caught me was that part where you mention "right behavior" which seems not connected to an inner world but found out as a strategy. To this specific matter, I thought of modern civilization as I assume a lot of people find a strategy without connecting themselves to themselves. ... Hard to explain.
Otherwise, I wouldn't call myself autistic from what I heard and read about it (which is not much).
Same with depression. As I take it literally (pressing emotions deep down) I sense that people tend to do that and, as a consequence, the suppressed emotions start to leak through and the effort to stop them from leaking takes all the energy out - the strength of depression varies but I think many people do have one.
I tend to behave "out of my heart" when I talk too much to people who are always "in their mind". I am happy that I can see and measure that by watching my anxieties rising and falling.
The examples I gave you are really precious to me as they are strong. I am sure there are a lot more but they are not so easy to find and to describe. Some of them happen just fluently and just pass by. Only the after-result or the outcome, so to speak gives those moments a certain satisfaction.
I like it: We mustn't run before we can walk! How often I have had the same insight.
Very grateful for your appreciation of my spiritual examples.
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