Hello @xyshia,

first of all, thank you so much for your courage to post such an intimate and emotional part of your life. It is heartbreaking what you had and have to go through.

From what I gather, you are suffering miserably around your mother and step father, but it doesn't seem like you have big problems with your biological father. Would it be possible to live with your father or grandmother until you are old enough and can afford to move out?

I would hate to know, that you had to continue down this painful and heartbreaking path.....

Sadly it seems your mom, doesn't truely see you right now. But you should never EVER feel like it's your fault. I have also been in that position of blaming myself because of other circumstances, but the decisions your parents make, are never your fault.

There was nothing you could have done to change the outcome or cause the outcome, so please do not blame yourself. And from what you write, your biological father never blamed you, else he would probably not try to contact you or give you gifts.

I can understand the self doubt you are going through right now, while blaming yourself. But I think those feelings come from how your mother and step father treat you. We can try to be strong, but if someone shows you certain negative emotions or continues to tell you the same bad things about yourself over and over again, it will affect us.

Please do not think that you have any fault, because you do not. ...

I know I am just a stranger on the internet, but please feel hugged, you are very strong for enduring for so long! I have a lot of respect for your strength. Don't give up and don't slip away!