You're also a toxic person.

An old saying says that it is easier to see the straw in the other eye than the beam in the eye itself. This idea comes as a ring to the finger when we refer to toxic people. We are able to detect manipulation, deceit, aggression and lack of commitment from others but when it comes to pointing the finger at us, the measuring rod changes.

However, have we really never scattered about others our moodiness, we have not behaved like garbage trucks, we have not manipulated someone to get any benefit? It is hard to believe that no, simply because the perfect people do not exist and we others are also wrong.

The fact that we are not expert manipulators of Machiavelli's style, or that we do not always function in "complaint mode" does not mean that at certain times we do not become real emotional vampires, that even without realizing it, they steal the energy to Who are around them.

We look more outward than in Claudio Naranjo, a psychiatrist and a candidate for the Nobel Peace Prize, said that "the evil of our culture is that it looks more outside than inside". And he also added that "education should teach us to look inward. But instead we have been bred for blindness. "

No doubt putting the responsibility outside of us is very comfortable. The fault is the rigid employee or that is too permissive, the co-worker unable or too efficient, the couple who does not love us enough or overwhelms us, politics or apolitical... There's always a good culprit, a scapegoat to help us free ourselves from responsibility.

But looking inward is much more complicated, first of all, because it means doing a test of conscience, and what we find we don't always like. We are deeply polarized, although we do not realize, that is why the bad are the others, and the good ones are obviously us. And we prefer to ignore any clue that would jeopardize that image we have built.

On the other hand, looking inward implies starting to assume our responsibilities, which means that we understand that we can do something, even if it is small, to improve. And sometimes that, it just makes us lazy.

Self-knowledge is a long and hard path, but it is important to be aware of what you experience, feel and express. At the beginning it may hurt but becoming aware of the aggression, the pain, the fear or the insecurities makes us better people.

How do we encourage toxic relationships?

We often do not realize that, but every time we take on the role of victims, we are refusing to be in the business. By giving the responsibility to the other we refuse to act and, as a result, we choose suffering. It's as if we ourselves the executioner quietly.

In the case of toxic relationships it is the same. In every relationship there are two roles, so, in a way, we are also responsible for how others treat us. For example, we feed a toxic couple relationship each time we give proof to the other person of our fidelity when this is shown to be jealous nonsense. We feed a toxic relationship every time we pay excessive attention to a victim friend, every time we sympathize with him without doing anything to get out of his state. We feed a toxic relationship every time we give in, we adapt or we show submissive to a dominant and aggressive person.

Of course, in some cases we will not be able to change that person's attitudes and behaviors. But we can decide whether or not to fall into your game.

The autotoxicity is also harmful there are people who create a storm in a glass of water and then complain because it rains. In fact, there are those who take great care of their interpersonal relationships and are always looking to respect the other and not harm them, but they forget about themselves. As a result, this toxicity is not expressed, but it is stored within itself.

That is why it is also important to make sure that we do not expand this autotoxicity. And you behave in a toxic way with yourself when:-you stay next to a person who despises you and treats you badly.

-You recriminas by your mistakes or you are too demanding with yourself.

-Do not attend to your needs and do not dare to ask what you want.

-You ignore your emotions and, instead of understanding them, you decide to suppression.

-You only focus on the negative and you adopt a pessimistic attitude.

-You do not recognize your value and let it be the others who value you.

What to do?

We may not always be able to avoid a toxic behavior because we have too many conditions on our backs. However, we can make those behaviors aware and apologize to others or to ourselves, as the case may be.