No Sex for Me?

Living in Iraq has its flaws, in fact it almost has nothing but flaws. But one flaw in particular that seems to haunt me is the lack of sex, I'm a Muslim living in Iraq who haven't had sex in years, those are three paths that would end up in an explosion.

Don't get me wrong, there are places for prostitution house, but Iraqis best ideas of sex protection is wearing a helmet

Even with condoms at some store, I still wouldn't trust the quality, I mean how am I supposed to trust a condom name Turex , especially when it's made in CHINA, I wouldn't trust a country with over a billion people at making condoms, just like I wouldn't trust them with a second born baby girl.

Even with a good condom I still don't trust that my penis won't dissolve in a prostitute's vagina, and I mean in the sense that it is filled with STDs and not my penis, I have a big penis just ask my cousin.

My sisters suggested marriage in what could be the most uncomfortable conversation I ever had, one of them said "We've been watching you masturbate so many times" Wait, WATCHING!, MANY TIMES!. But anyway marriage is simple in Iraq, my sisters go on the market, pick a bride, go their house, see their bodies and make the decision, where do I come into play? that comes later as I don't see the "Bride to be" yet. Then my sisters tell my aunts to gather around and go visits the bride-to-be and her sisters, mother and aunts where they'd agree on the marriage details, where do I come in? that comes later. Then my father would go meet the girl's father and agree on the money details, where do I come in? that comes later, then my dad would gather my uncles and go visit her family to make the final decision. When does my part come? well, it comes at the wedding where i finally see my bride for the first time 5 minutes before marrying her.....

Oh there's one sitting that happens between me and the father, where asks me (A man that writes here and has no stable job) what do I do for a living, to which I reply "I make sarcastic comments" and that's when he says no and it's all over... fun ride.

So prostitution isn't an option, That's both ways... Also marriage won't work. So what's left is me picking up girls on the streets, the process is me spotting a girl, write my number on a piece of paper and she picks it up, same way since 1990, you'd think we'd come up with something new by now. Just Imagine if that would work and your son asks you how you two met, "Daddy, how did you meet mommy?" Well, sport. I threw my number on the ground and she picked it up along with 17 other numbers during that day... your mom is a whore............ NO

In the end there remains one way for me

Have fun watching, sisters.