THE CHALLENGES OF BEING A LIVING THING (REDACTED EDITION) COM 25

in comedyopenmic •  6 years ago 

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Living things must eat, living things must breath, living things must poop sorry I think the original English is pass out faeces? (I love poop better 💩) living things must have libido (sorry I don't know what's libido but I love the word it sounds like burrito) however all these requirements are so tedious, sometimes I begin to wonder if being a non living thing isn't much better? I don't have to go shopping, I don't have to pay rent, isn't that sweet?

Do you fart in the bathroom? Do you pick your nose in lonely and dark place and lick your fingers, do you ever imagine kissing Nicki Minaj or hugging Kobe Bryant? Sometimes do you wish to die but still stay awake to observe those whether your wife or boyfriend will cry at your funeral? Then welcome you're a living thing with an enhanced craziness.

In a society of living things you always need to make choices because not making choices means not being responsible, and not bring responsible makes you a nuisance to the society, living things are however divided into two they're;


THE LIVING LIVING THINGS.


These are the types we see everyday that has wives has children or vice versa, they're the winners of bread the types who wears a rope across their necks in the name of tie or across the waist in the name of belt, they are the ones who decides the country's economy, the stock market, prices of dildos, adult toys, souvenirs and all those economy SHIT that gives me raw headaches. You see, they're living living things because there is an emphasis on the living because they're actually living life as well as help others live theirs.


THE DEAD LIVING THINGS


Forgive my oxymoron I will make a nice rapper for my punchy sub topic 😀😀😀 maybe a title like **LORD OF THE PUN? sorry for taking you away the truth is we have dead living things too these are the types who dedicates their lives to Indian hemps, Marijuana and Schnapps they're the ones we should call the walking dead because they're actually alive but the things that makes them alive are dead, things like kidney and liver even ovaries these are the types that their wombs have undergone more than seventy abortions no kidding, no one is counting but I'm it's well I guess it's my estimation, these types are the ones that destroys government properties, carry suicide bombs on their chest just to end their miserable lives but taking reasonable people with them.
This types doesn't give, they take and take and take they beg for everything they even borrow other people's sexual partners just to take a selfie. So whenever you see two people who pose for a picture on instagram and one of them is oversized and not smiling, just know they were borrowed.


SO WHO ARE YOU?


Obviously you must be wondering but where do I fall? I'm not in these two list so where do I fall in? Who am I? First I'll start by quoting Newton's First law of motion.

Newton's first law of motion is often stated as

An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.

Not because it's obviously relevant to this topic but because I like to relate unrelated things to thing that are obviously related however Newton mention two type of people in this law and if you're not so stupid you will have notice the third type of people here, the one's acted by an unbalanced force, so stupidity raised to power hundred multiples by Wisdom of an aged young boy like me, I'd like to say the third part In which you fall in, is the confused type of people who are mentally, emotionally and crazily unbalanced just like Newton pointed out plesey don't hate me, Newton supports my theory.

The Truth is you're part of the confused types the ones that loves junk food but are scared of being fat, you definitely love Donald trump but deep down you want to be like Obama. In the morning when you wake you have a Jamaican accent but when you finish applying your roll on and your make up, you suddenly come up with a British accent, you're the third species of living things. In other words I can call you a hybrid you have the component of plant cells and animal cells in your system that's to say you're both living and dead, so I'll recommend you join the crew of living dead and start playing the role of a zombie. (Please kindly rape my upvote button)

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Thank you for the laughter, at this stage I nominate the lazy @rufans and the beautiful @chiama to take part in this challenge




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I'll loop back around to read this COM post. :)

Of course I'd be hoping 😀😀😀

Not quite sure where I fit in. Identity crisis, ahhhh! :) Good luck!

I'm probably going to be the fourth type. It's the one who feeds to stay alive, he avoids stress, and for his surroundings is crazy even though the neighborhood is far more crazy

Hahahaha well I guess you know you're the first fourth living thing?

I did not count on it. But there will be more ;-)

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Scary 🤥

I just raped your upvote button. Am I right in thinking this is your best so far,so much creativity wow.