Unlikely Ways To Break Up With Someone
Contest is now closed, winners will be announced in the coming days
Come up with a funny, witty or downright silly idea for Unlikely Ways To Break Up With Someone, and simply post it in the comments below for a chance to WIN! And by implication, for a chance to not win and feel a little bit shitty about it. But that's life.
Examples
Unlikely Ways To Break Up With Someone: Hire a pilot to have 'Claudia Mitchell, I'm sleeping with your sister' written in skywriting
Unlikely Ways To Break Up With Someone: Surprise them on your anniversary by showing up after undergoing gender reassignment surgery
Rules
There's a 3 entry limit per person. If you go over this limit, well, I probably wouldn't notice, so you're in with a bigger chance, but try to let everyone have a fair go. You can only win once per person,irrespective of the number of entries.
I'll pick out 10 winners who I think gave the best answers and they'll each take an even share of ALL THE SBD REWARDS OF THIS POST. Yeah I'm keeping the Steem rewards for myself because I'm a greedy fucker. Well, if I'm honest, I'm not too concerned about the money but I need to motivate myself to read through all the answers, which is a lot of effort. But mostly it's because I'm a greedy fucker.
More Than Just The Prize Money
I'll likely favor smaller steemians than more established ones, so if you're just starting out and think you're pretty funny then here's your chance to showcase your material. I'll also be taking a look at the posts of some of the people who provide the best answers, and I recommend everyone else to do the same. Take a bit of time to read through some answers, Upvote the better ones and follow their authors.
The rewards are only a small part of this competition. I want to help discover talented content creators hidden away on this platform! If you think you're one of them, view this as an opportunity to build up a following by making an impact here. And please, reach out to each other, I'm guessing some of you will have what it takes to make it big on here one day.
Last time 5 winners took home around $100 each, congratulations to @writingamigo, @rokasltu, @swenger, @jeezzle and @slyborg, hope you can join us again.
Please Upvote and Resteem to support the contest! Let's find some more talent on here
Winners are @naquoya @alphacore @claudiop63 @realcodysimon @steemint @jeff-kubitz @fynesttrish @slyborg @lepton @worldfinances
Congratulations, you take home 58.6 SBD each
Thank you everyone for playing
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Wow! Thank you so much for picking my comment! I just sent 58 SBD to the winner of my contest yesterday and I wake up today and get 58.6 SBD back :D Thanks!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Nice! I'm glad you got your money back haha! Now I don't have to feel guilty about emptying your pocket haha! You even got a 0.6 profit for your trouble. Awesome! :D
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Yes I made 0,6 profit :D Ballin!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Thank you @trafalgar ! I like to win :-)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Wow, I just logged in, and unexpected 58 SBD were in my wallet :) You made my day ;) Thank you
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
awesome! thanks for pouring even more salt in my now ex gf's wound!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Thank you very much @trafalgar - you are a wonderful person on the other side of the pond
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
"I'm sorry. I found someone else on Steemit."
Unlikely enough? :3
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
didn't know you felt that way about me kev
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
🤣🤣=🤑🤑
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Something's Wong with this post...
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha <3
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely way to breakup with someone, v2017 - Actually tell them in person.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Tell her your ACTUAL number the next time she asks you how many people you've slept with...
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
hahaha nice
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
just say nipping to the toilet @trafalgar and run fast
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
That's actually a great one, this seems to be the age of ghosting where nobody has the balls to tell someone I'm not digging you anymore so they just disappear and ignore said persons calls until they get the hint which personally I don't think is very cool.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Good one and sadly so true! -_-
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely ways to breakup with someone: Sorry honey,I didn't tell you true that I am a gay.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Yeah... pretty funny, always the best way to go for good karma.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Just tell them you're running low on Steem
because you couldn't attract the attention
of any Whales with all the posts you've made...
@pocketechange
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
lol
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha yeah
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Haha! Simple and effective. I like it! Congrats on the win, mate! :D
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Cheers mate, it was a bit of fun. :)
@trafalgar thanks for the prize too.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
I submitted an entry as well, but I guess the scenario I pointed out was more likely than I thought haha!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
lol
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely ways to breakup with someone: book a skydiving adventure trip for two and ask her to jump first. Once she has, close the door and ask the pilot to fly you back to the airport, take a flight to Bali and never come back
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha and don't even give her a parachute
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
[Me] Darling, I love you, but we have to break up.
[Her] But... How? Why?
[Me] Because I'm now...
The Joker!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
@mikelperez, that sounds quite familiar at least the Bali part of your story ;)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
LOL!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely ways to breakup with someone: play Russian Roulette 1v1
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
best of 3? =) nice one
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely Ways To Break Up With Someone: Tell her you're running away with RIGHT Shark.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
This post received a 3.0% upvote from @randowhale thanks to @jhermanbeans! For more information, click here!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Great contest! Glad to see you running another one. Best way to break up with someone:
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha nice to have you back again swenger
congrats on winning the first time
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Thanks again for choosing me to be part of such an "esteemed" group. I can't wait for my next job change to be able to list it on my resume. It may be an unfair advantage to the other job applicants, but that's OK as long as it is in my favor. (Note to self, remember this post before having your boss join Steemit).
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Haha, nice ones!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Ask her to meet you at the bank. She shows up. Goes through doors, alarm goes off. They find the gun you've hidden in the purse before she left. She goes to jail. Tell her long distance never works out.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha nice
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Harsh but fair.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely ways to breakup with someone: take a walk with her and have a friend of yours (ideally an attractive man) meet the two of you. Later, tell her that your friend said you have a very attractive mom.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
very nice!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
"Roses are red, violets are blue .. I'm outta here .. the lease is your problem now."
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
as are the 49 cats :)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
"What do you mean I've chosen STEEM over you!? Of course I have .. it pays 'me'!"
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely ways to break up with someone:
Link her to this contest with the caption "Just get the message already!"
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
or "Just pick one!"
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha thats the idea, and congrats for last time
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
yes thanks again :)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Ya this one is new!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely ways to breakup with someone: Tell her "honey, I'm dumping the garbage".
She looks at you, all misty eyed and appreciative of your efforts to clean the house.
Then lift her up and throw her out of the house.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha great idea! good riddance
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
LOL, wonder what happens next!!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Purchase a score board marriage proposal, make sure you replace her name with your EX. At the ball game she will read it and probably give you a slap in the face and walk away, while an entire stadium is looking and feeling sorry for the romantic guy you are. You might actually score another girl that day :D
Disclaimer: I am not responsible if she accepts your proposal.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
not a bad idea :)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely: To tell my girlfriend "It's not you, it's her" :P
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha nice!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely way to break up: Have someone to break up with in the first place :(
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha i hear ya
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely way to break up with someone: Entry #2.
Show her an editted picture of you and tell her thats your twin she been sleeping with......you know the rest😉
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha well if it were your twin all along, maybe she doesn't mind
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Cos she didn't effin know😉
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely ways to breakup with someone:
Start posting private videos of your fat partner on Steemit and call it Whaleshares: The series.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha I'm willing to share, not sure if there are any takers
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Stick around until after the roofies wear off, wait for them to call the cops.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
ya timing/dosage fail, a beginners mistake
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
PERSONAL EXPERIENCE : I was with a girl and kissing her then a friend called me and heard her hot voice in the phone
he said I want to talk to the lady with you
my reply was : you can talk to her later at home, your mother is busy now hahaha
I swear he didn't talk to me again since that day
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
ahaha that's brilliant
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
LOL ty
I always do things like this with friends lol
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Get a tattoo of their name but crossed. Than wait until they notice.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
very nice :)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
It seems like a fair price but I don't have that much, sorry
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
nice
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
I have used it at several truck stops and bars throughout my life
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Start building a wall to separate the house/apartment in two.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
the donald trump approach, i like it!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
lol, did not realize that :P
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Haha, I like it! How subtly :D You could lengthen the time in order to increase suspense: every day one brick while looking him/her straight in the eye ;)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
LOL, I just imagined that :P brick by brick...
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
While playing Pink Floyd, obviously. ;-)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
hope am not too late to the party, let me give this a trial,lol, am female so i will be coming from that angle.
Unlikely Ways To Break Up With Someone: get a male friend to propose to you during a birthday party sponsored and organized for you by your boyfriend.
Unlikely Ways To Break Up With Someone:say you want to stay celibate for atleast a year but he ll still be your boyfriend.
Unlikely Ways To Break Up With Someone: gist him every other day who got married last week and who is getting married this week and the week after.lol
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
great suggestions
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely ways to breakup with someone: post a contest online for best ways to break up with your girlfriend
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
I see what you did there
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
hahaaaa
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely ways to breakup with someone: Start using peanut butter as deodorant. Tell her if she doesn't like it she can lick it off. If she licks it off punch her in the face and call her a pervert.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
hahaha
I like how you've planned for all the contingencies
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely ways to break up with someone:
Just whisper her mama's name when you are making love to her😂
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
LOL, that would go very bad.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
😂😂😂 i know, she is gonn break up right from the bed or sofa
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
I did wonder where you were going with the peanut butter!!!!!!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
And then you find out she's into BDSM, and you're on the hook for $1000s for leather, chains, and find your man cave renovated into a dungeon. Then again, it sounds like that's the kind of girl you're looking for. ;-)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
just text her
ILY ... nah not what you think .... I´m leaving you
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha how lovely :p
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
How about a layer of spices on the condom before u go in...
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
just make sure you don't accidentally turn it inside out before putting it on :)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Off course.. just whisper in her ears, lets spice it up baby...
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Make sure the spices don't weaken the condom. Oops baby!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely ways to breakup with someone: Turn the toilet paper roll the wrong way around. Walk away.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
@trafalgar
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Hahahaha this one made me laugh, nice one man ... :), the walk away part was epic :)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
… you said it! XD
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
perfect for a side saddle rider.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Send her a text saying you have a surprise for her and tell her to be at a meetingpoint at a certain time. Make sure to send her as far away as possible. Once she is there simply dont show up. Send her a text saying "she is gone, come over now!" Followed by "oops wrong screen". That'll stir things up for sure 😎
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha nice one
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
LOL, experienced guy!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Don't get me started LOL
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Okay since this is up let me share how i broke my last gf. She had a favorite teddy she had since she was 5 I sold it for $10 and told her about it while sharing a $10 icecream with her of that money ;-;
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha in a way she ate her own teddy bear
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely way to breakup with someone :
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
i'll start acting as a drooling amnesiac right away, thanks for the advice :)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely way to breakup with someone:
Ask your woman what she would do if you won the lottery. If she answers, she would take half and leave, give her the 8 dollars and tell her to pack her things
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
hahaha
winning $16 is harder than you think :)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
watch titanic together and tell her you want the same outcome for your relationship.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha nice! rather go drifting off to your own demise than spend another moment with her
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely way to break up with someone: never tell her that you are breaking up and live in an unhappy relationship for rest of your life... oh, wait...
P.S. @trafalgar lies, he never followed me even though my content rocks.
P.S.S. Maybe he is not lying because I received my money from the last competition... Does it mean that I suck at writing? * goes to corner and cries *
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha I never promised to follow all winners or not follow any winners
but if you do well I'll vote you up and hopefully you'll pick up other followers, and gain some exposure. I also mention the winners. Or you can talk to other people who you think have a lot of talent
I don't really look at my home page, I curate a little more actively
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
No worries, I was just joking. I am super happy with everything you do here and I got some exposure as well, which is very cool. Plus, after tomorrow your vote will be worth so much less, so I am not even sure I want to be friends with you haha
p.s. It is sometimes so good to see some trending content not about Steem(it) and that's why i salute you.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
I haven't read all of mthe many responses yet, so if someone already said this, sorry. Unlikely way to break up with someone: Tell them you had a revelation over night, you're joining a cult and are now married to the cult leader.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha nice
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Knock, knock
Who's there?
You're.
You're who?
You're single :)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
nice
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely ways to break up with someone:
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
good stuff :)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
It's an Addiction , lol. Can't help myself!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely Ways To Break Up With Someone:
She: "Honey, are you gonna be mad if I text my ex?"
He: "Why should I be mad? What for you wanna text him?"
She: "I just want to ask how is he"
He: "Ok, no problem"
She: "How are you?"
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha nice :)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely ways to break up with someone....
(One of these is actually a true story)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
I bet you bill cosbied her you sicko :)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
I guess all you'd need to do in that case is invite Bill to join you and let nature turn its course. I can't believe you let that sweater wearer pop her puddin, allegedly, you'd say the next morning. Obviously it was #3, best way to rid ones self of a limp bizkit CD.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Walk your girlfriend/boyfriend home! And upon reaching the house, point it out and say "oh look! my ex's house!" Then walk out...
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha
doesn't work if her roommate is an ex of yours :)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha I never have a girlfriend who's boarding. :p
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Look carefully at dinner and say: "I wonder. I did not notice before that when you chew, your ears are moving up and down. Interestingly, and this can be corrected surgically? "
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha i think she shouldn't be chewing with her ears anyway
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely way to breakup with someone: "It's not a breakup, its a Hard Fork! You can always be my sidechain!"
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha nice
anyone from team newton?
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Nope! While I have mad respect for Newton, I'm always on Team Leibniz ;)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Break Up With Anyone And Monetise Your Emotional investment In Five Easy Steps.
Step One:
Take your soon-to-be-ex on a vacation to see the Mayan Ruins.
Step Two:
Pamper your little moneymaker with daily spa treatments, filled with perfumes, avocado mask, cucumbers over her eyes and massages to relax her delicate muscles.
Step Three:
Proudly parade your matured asset in front of the nearest tribe of cannibals.
Step Four:
Explain to the chief how she was just tenderised and marinated.
Step Five:
Negotiate price.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Write a note that says "I don't think we're right for each other", rubber band it to a brick, and throw it through their front window.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha works less well when you live together
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
LOL that would be even better!!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely Ways To Break Up With Someone: Eat her favorite pet
Unlikely Ways To Break Up With Someone: An elaborate scavenger hunt that gets her out of the house long enough to change the locks and for you post the video of you nailing her sister
Unlikely Ways To Break Up With Someone: "roses are red, violets are blue, garbage is dumped and so are you"
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha I saw that you posted on the other account :p
nice answers anyway :)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
hungover posting is not the way to start the morning :)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Ahahahaahahahahhah :)))
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely way to break with someone:
Take her to a fancy restaurant, have some people come up and start playing the violin, then get down on one knee and open a tiny jewelry box to reveal a friendship bracelet.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha or just do up your shoelaces
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
"We - I - we- I , found someone else...(whispers to himself, I told you i would handle this)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
the bat shit crazy skitzo card, i like it
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
😏
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely ways to break up your girlfriend #2 just tell her you found somebody which is much lesser attractive than her.
#3 tell her the earth becomes so crowded to live in, I'll send you to Mars to have a new life.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha this meet carole, she's uglier than you, good bye!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Hahaha say it on her face, and let's see if she won't walk in silent with a big eye and a "hmmp"
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely Ways To Break Up With Someone: pretend you don't speak the language anymore that you are used to communicating with them in 😆
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha its weird how amnesia can hit like that
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Ha ha i dont have idea but will like to know
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
every. single. one
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
We demand commission !!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
well you'll have to settle for being an accessory to the crime of some of these suggestions
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Ha ha omg pure gearl ...........
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Replace all her money with counterfeit bills, after she gets caught, testify against her.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha nice one
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely way to breakup with somone
If they ask you to gift them something that will blow their mind
go to a Samsung showroom and buy a Samsung Galaxy Note 7 for them.
If you know what I mean ;)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha the al qaeda break up method
i like it
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
one second she is there other second poof!!! :P
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Googling "Unlikely Ways To Break Up With Someone" to get some ideas for this post.
Having her see it on your search history
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
meta af
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
nosey isn't she?
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Drive out to the country where you have a road sign made that reads, "Welcome to Dumpsville, Population: You, Karen!"
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha worth all the preparation :)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Take them out to dinner and put the breakup message in a fortune cookie
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha especially if it was at an italian restaurant
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely ways to breakup with someone : my bf just bought a hat, he said to me that the hat was way too big I said to him "the hat is not too big but your head is just small" ><
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
burrrnn
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Honey, whaaaaaaaaaa, phew, that was totally awesome, with a lot of practice, you'll be as good as my last partner!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
who was betty the goat
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
😂 stopped here to give my iPhone a break! ITs dying due to the amount of comments
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Oh you've experienced her too! Not surprised, she goats around.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Steal their pet and give it to your new lover.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
not sure if they'll be into alligators as well..
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Give em a toffee hammer and say they might need it for your pants :O)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Im an old fashioned kinda guy. You kids these days handle things terribly and go about it all the wrong way there's only one way to end a relationship. two words carrier pigeon. You're welcome
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha and extra points if the pigeon takes a crap while delivering the message
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha nice, gonna try the military option if you're desperate enough as an accountant
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Probably I would have hugged my boyfriend and introduced him to my invisible childhood friend and constantly talk to her while giving him a soft smile as if he is been under her watch.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha be weird if he can see her
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha. yeah that would freak him out n forget the breakup he will assume the relationship ever existed..
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
"I need to wash my hair .. so, we won't be seeing each other anymore - the last 3 years have been great."
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha, well I don't know if it was great for her with your unwashed hair for 3 years :p
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely Ways To Break Up With Someone: Finally got hired by ISIS...!!!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
This post received a 1.9% upvote from @randowhale thanks to @vj1309! For more information, click here!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
passed the job interview did you?
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Joining as HR recruiter ;)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
My initiation kit came in this backpack and I need to go to a meet and greet tomorrow in NYC, Paris, London, insert your capital city
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Play Fountains of Wayne's "Stacy's Mom" while drooling at your neighbor's hot mom!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
and you live next door to your brother! :)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Ugghh..what a shame, Lol
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
"I have good news, and bad news, they're both the same, I'm dating your sister"
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha
i guess they sort of cancel each other out
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Set up a Schrodinger's cat style experiment where you there is quantum entanglement. Until she looks into the box to find out if your relationship is alive or dead, it is both at the same time.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
it's in a superposition between dead and dead
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely Ways To Break Up With Someone: Ask her if she can spare a condom, you'll give it back later
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha might not work so well if she hands you a used one
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
lol. especially if you normally don't wear them with her..!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Just login on her FB acct and post , "I slept with my father.. help me" .. then change her password and throw it away 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha while you're at it change her relationship status to 'it's complicated'
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely way to break with someone:
"Look! A unicorn!"
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
did that a few times on my trip to thailand
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Lol. You're right. Perhaps the unicorn is the only unlikely part of this scenario..
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely ways to breakup with someone: Ask them for ideas for unlikely ways to breakup with someone. Execute their idea and leave a note saying: "Thanks for the idea" :P
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
thanks isteemit
it's over between us now
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
That's sad. You can always come back to this house though.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely way to break up with someone:
Take them all the way to Paris, bend down to tie your shoes, she'll think you're gonna propose, disappoint and mislead her "Oh you thought I would...", then actually whip out a box, open it and have a troll face pop up, proceed to yell "sykes, have fun swimming home", run up the Eiffel tower and catch your escape helicopter.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha that's a lot of sunk cost just to break up with someone
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Stop giving gifts to her..... Definitely there will be breakup... LOL
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Hit his father so hard for no reason that you'll end up in jail for sometime.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
LOL?
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
5 Steps for an easy break-up!
Step 1: Two of your biggest, strongest mates + Black Transit + Special ops gear.
Step 2: They bundle said partner into van, take them to the middle of nowhere.
Step 3: In a Russian accent, tell them they are dating a Russian spy, and to leave them immediately or your whole family will be wiped out.
Step 4: Leave said partner in the middle of nowhere.
Step 5: Wait for the text.
Result: You succeeded without even looking like a dick. Apart from the fact that people will think you're a Russian spy, but then that could actually be a bonus!!!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha nice
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Pinch (a few days before, so you've at least got a few days with them) a pair of her mum's favourite knickers out of the laundry basket (You never know, she may sniff them to see if they're used, we've got to cover all angles here). Leave them on view for when she visits next. VOILA!!
WARNING! Doesn't really work so well the other way round, the Dad's underwear doesn't smell too good, and has multi-coloured stains in various places.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha multi colored eh? the dad must eat a lot of skittles
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
My first entry-
Baby- What?
Me- I don't have a penis
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
silly but I loled
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Glad you loled
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely ways to breakup with someone
"Honey, I go out to buy cigarettes, I'll be back soon"
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
you leaving the kids too I guess
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
The cigarettes are for the kids.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
ahahah!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely way to break up with someone: propose to them. Inscript on the ring "jk, we over".
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha it was passed down from my grandmother :)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely way to breakup with someone: posts a transformation tuesday pic on insta. Frist pic is and her second she is cropped out
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha nice, edit in someone else for good measure
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Ahha good one
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
How to break up with someone.....Be yourself. Usually works for me ;-)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
got that down to a science as well buddy
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
"I didn't want to tell you until it was confirmed, but babe, my application to become a Catholic priest has been accepted!"
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha nice
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely ways to break up with someone entry 2
When she asks what you want for dinner, tell her "A bottle of whiskey and the last four years of my life back."
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Honey, you can let go of the trigger, I disabled the belt.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
breaking up while looking suave
i like it
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Hi @trafalgar. Nice idea... I've enjoyed reading your type of humour and see a little of myself in it. Nice to have a receptive audience here where one can expect a better reception than a roll of the eyes 😟
OK so I've been thinking about this and I've yet to fully materialise my entries but surely some of the most golden comedy comes from auto-correct, right? So here's attempt 1 (and remember, the creative juices aren't fully gushing at 5.30 in the morning)
Unlikely ways to break up with someone:
Her: "hey have you seen that movie called 'other people'?"
Him: "no"
Her: "cos that's exactly what I wanna see"
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha thank you
i heard it's an R rated movie
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
You're thinking of the sequel!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely way to breakup with someone: Get a forehead tattoo saying: [girlfriend name] is my bitch.
Follow me
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha have a few exes names crossed out for good measure
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
@trafalgar
Unlikely ways to breakup with someone:
1)Go to the most expensive restaurant with her, order for something to eat, go to the restroom and never come back to her.
Tell her you can't go to party with her because because you've got some work to do, then go for a date with another girl in the same place she's partying.
Kick her pet ( cat or dog)
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
I kicked her pet lion
I regret it
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Haha She'd chop up your head with a 🔪
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Entry #1:
Commit a crime, get arrested, go to jail, and and use your 1 phone call to break up with the person. You won't have to see that person and that person wont be able to get to you.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
conjugal visit?
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
"You wanna have kids?"
-> unlikely ways to break up with someone.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha that should do the trick
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
unlikely way to break up with someone:
shave off all the hairs on your head and when she ask you why , tell her you ve found your calling, you ve become a monk.
let your girlfriend listen in on a phone conversation with a sibling/childhood friend and get him/her insinuate you had a set of twins in high school and confess to that.
get interviewed on a relationship tv show she's watching and when you are asked about your love life say you are single and searching.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha she sees you on jerry springer with your other wife and 6 kids having a fight
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely way to breakup with someone: (a cool one as well, at least for me):
Submission #2:
Be a real man and say it in person, but also find the 10 most handsome men in your town and organize a sequence of 10 dates for the next 10 days to entertain your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend, so she stop thinking for you easier.
Comment:
Hard to execute, but he/she could be healed faster, skip the depression and actually has cool 10 chances to find the right guy. Important condition: the selection should be really high level.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
how kind of you lol
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
SirKnight's - Unlikely (Medieval) ways to break up with someone.
'I am sorry malady, but this Knight does like to use his lancealot.'
'Did you think I said "I was watching Arthur pull Excalibur from a stone?" No, no, my dear, I said "I was letting Martha, ride Excalibur and groan."'
'I am truly sorry 'Maid Marian', but I simply prefer spending time with my 'Merry Men.'
These are my 3 entries Trafalgar - hope you like - do with them what you will.
Thanking you for all your upvotes at Team Australia.
SirKnight!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha nice puns
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely ways to break up: "Honey, remember 5 years ago when we talked for the first time? When I went up to you and told you you were beautiful, then asked you for your number? Well... I was talking to the girl behind you, and I was too embarrassed to explain it to you."
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha you were so large it just looked like I was talking to you as you were in the way
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
1000th vote here! Unlikely way to breakup with someone - let her see you furiously swiping right and wink
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
haha on grindr
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Bahahah right?! =P
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely ways to break up with someone:
Show her the creepy conversion van you bought and painted "FREE CANDY" on the side.
OR
Tell her that from now on whenever the two of you are intimate, it is absolutely mandatory that you dress up (makeup and all) like Pennywise the clown 🤡 from Stephen King's movie "IT."
OR
If you're dating an inflatable sheep 🐑...
Deflate it.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
lol
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Unlikely Ways to Break Up With Someone:
Walk with your girlfriend at mid-night, stop by a bank / ATM center and told her you need get some cash, ask her to wait outside (you need to find one indoor ATM with limited space). Then ask your friend wear like a dirty, sick street sleeper, walk to your girlfriend, just to show her some photos of you two's wedding and kissing. Ask her why she is with his wife he just married 3 months ago.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Tell her that you want her to have a special tattoo on her forearm and she can only see once it's done. And ask the artist to write: "Could you please forget my number ?!" 😲💔😂
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit