We come from a time where the mind is valued highly and where we are constantly faced with choices every single day. On the human level of existence, looked at from the rational ego point of view this is how we perceive the world - we make choices. And because of it we are often times worried that we took the wrong path, made the wrong choice.
Even when we do find the courage to follow our inner calling, to work on our passions even when the fruits of our labor leave us feeling unfulfilled and self-doubting, we may still fall back into overly criticizing ourselves for having done something wrong that led here, or for not having chosen correctly in the past that got us into a dead end.
I often get caught up in this because I feel called to do many things, maybe too many, and often I have not been happy with the result of all my hard work that I have put in for any single project. This ego idea keeps coming back of needing to find that one thing I can forever work on and get through while being faced with the multitude of callings I want to follow.
So rather than beating myself up about it I have recognized that not all the steps necessary really come from me - not all of them originated in my human mind or intuition.
Rather it seems time and time again that I am discovering new steps ahead of me, as if they are thrown my way just to be discovered and recognized. And then to be taken. Call it cosmic bread-crumbs.
The whole path of bread-crumbs almost seems to scream at me to trust it, while my puny little ego mind is helplessly overwhelmed with the demand, desperately trying to make sense of it all and to burden every step along the way with doubts, infactual criticisms and maybe even unfair judgments about the need or merit to have taken all the previous steps.
Maybe I just to believe it and find myself envious of those who found their single one calling long ago, relentlessly following it regardless of how they feel or what is coming their way. But I have to say I think I am now in too deep to not follow this path to the end. As convoluted as it often seems.
And so I come to a great sense of optimism and ultimately faith, that every step needed to be taken within the larger picture of life is calling to be taken as it arises in my awareness. I can decide to do X or Z but when the universe opens up a possibility that I can see clearly enough it is up to me to choose whether to follow it or not. Whether to trust that the larger order knows something about my path my ego can't ever hope to see or comprehend.
And experience (the sum of all the past instances when I have followed it or not followed that calling) already proves that the steps always took me in the right direction, measured by getting ever closer to a life I truly dig and can be proud of, in spite of the "lack" of wordly success in the classical sense of the system structure.
It is by no means a guarantee for a happy ending and that the entire path will end up looking phantastically awesome, but it warrants to keep following those revealed steps time and time again regardless. Not thinking about them too long as they present themselves, but taking them, one step at a time, in utter faith that they are leading me to where I need to be and want to go. I think THAT is where I am actually headed... <3
