Madness - A Nextcolony Parody

Intro from the nextcolony.io website:

Jack reached for his gun, ready to shoot at whatever had moved so suddenly. But when he looked around, all he could see were stones and his crewmates. Had it been an illusion?

Unwilling to put the gun away again, he made a few more steps forward, then stopped and listened. But aside from the constant background noise from his crew building the required structures, there was nothing.

Jack shrugged. Maybe he had imagined it after all. He locked the safety on his gun again and put it back in the holster.

All of a sudden, there was silence.

Everyone had stopped working.

Startled, Jack turned around.

"Hey, what's going on?" He called out to the nearest person, Frank.

"We ran out of resources", Frank shouted back.

"What do you mean, what is missing?"

"We need 50 more uranium to continue expanding the uranium mine."

"You ... you what? Why the hell would you need uranium to improve the uranium mine? Just dig deeper?!"

"That's a big no, boss."

Jack closed his eyes and sighed. Then he took several deep breaths. You shouldn't argue with idiots. It was pointless.

"Okay", he said, now walking towards Frank to no longer have to shout, "why don't you go ahead and build us a ship for exploring? It's been two weeks, we invested a lot of time and resources into our shipyard, we should be ready."

"Sorry boss, our shipyard isn't level 13 yet, and Cian is still trying to get his explorer skill up to 20."

"Are you kidding me? We've been eating sludge the whole time to dedicate every resource we have to that, and you're telling me it's taking even longer? You're a highly skilled crew! You can't be serious! We reached this planet, why does Cian need to improve his fucking explorer skill?!"

Frank was getting visibly uncomfortable and scratched the ground with his foot.

"I have good news tho, boss."

"Which are?"

"We built a bunker to protect our resources from pirates."

"Oh, that actually sounds nice." Jack tried to calm himself down. It wasn't Frank's fault that the whole crew consisted of absolute imbeciles. He tried to force a smile. "How many of our resources can we put in there?"

"20%!" Frank beamed. Jack's smile dropped.

"You're not serious."

"That's, of course, the maximum amount. We will still need to make some improvements, but that will take a lot more resources and time."

Jack wondered if anyone would stop him if he shot Frank. Maybe he should rather shoot himself?

"Where's Genevive?" Jack asked, not wanting to continue with the conversation. "She is in charge of space observation, as far as I know. Please tell me that hasn't changed?"

"Oh, it hasn't. She's in the science building."

"Thanks."

The wind was merciless and Jack was thankful for having grown up in a cold region. He had seen several others, who hadn't had the same experience during their youth, turn completely incapable of anything.

When he arrived at the science building and pushed the door open, he was met by Genevive sitting in a chair, bundled up in a blanket and staring out of a window.

"Genevive? Am I interrupting?"

"Oh ... oh no. I don't really have anything to do. Here, sit." She pointed at another chair, and Jack sat down.

"How can I help you?"

"I wanted to ask if you have any star maps, any knowledge about nearby planets. We're working hard on our explorer ships right now, and I want to send them in the right direction."

"Star maps? Nearby planets? How am I supposed to know about such things without sending space ships out first?"

Jack waited a few moments, hoping she was joking.

She wasn't.

"You do have a telescope, right there, yes?"

"Yeah."

"And we still have the long-range scanners on board that we used to locate the planet we're on right now."

"That too is correct."

"And we have radio contact with other ships from Earth that are in the quadrant, so we know where they are."

"Yep."

"Okay. So, you have all these tools to look at space, but you're telling me you can't determine if there are any planets nearby, without us leaving the planet?"

"Yes, I told you already. It's impossible to tell."

"Why?"

Genevive frowned.

"What do you mean why, that's how things are."

"Even the philosophers of old times were able to figure out that there are other planets, using only the most primitive methods. You're really telling me you are unable to do that? Are there any particular reasons? Spacial disturbances?"

"No, not that I know of. Hey, where are you going?"

Jack didn't answer her and left the science building instead. The pull of his gun was getting stronger, but he still needed to decide one thing:

Kill himself - or everyone in the colony?

Or maybe he should go for both, to finally end this madness once and for all.

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No, I'm not frustrated by the gameplay of @nextcolony, why would you think so? The game dynamics are totally sensible, fun, and completely explained by the background lore! I totally believe that this game is going to be better than SteemMonsters and not being ruined by an incredibly shitty alpha - or is it in beta already? Who knows!

Let's throw all our Steem at it to buy resources and planets just to end up staring at the screen and press a button once every 8 hours. Why not use a bot? Well, bots are obviously cheating and not wanted by the creator. Duh. Set your alarm to 3 am you fucking casual.