Rambling about validation, impostor syndrome, literary journals and writing

Rejection letters are the worst. As a writer, getting rejection letters are a part of the profession. It never gets comfortable or cool. I actually stopped submitting for a while because I could not deal with the rejection, especially those impersonal rejections that does nothing with regards to how to better your craft.

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📷: _pixabay

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How do you, who are professional writers, who have publications under your belt, who have won one or two prizes, handle rejections? I get really depressed and hate my writing anytime I find a mail containing another rejection. Though I started submitting again this year, I have had just one acceptance of two of my poems and a slew of impersonal rejections. Among the later, is a journal notorious for its quick rejections. That one didn't surprise me.

Among the rejections, I have received so far, only two bothered to leave a remark on my writing or what they found interesting about it. I appreciated them. What I noticed about them was that they are not among the big names in the literary journal space, so maybe they still give writers their person attention, instead of the dedicated reply that most journals mass send for rejections.

I have been lucky to have made some connections in the literary world which has gotten me some invites into certain writing projects and this has made me feel worthwhile. I have been hearing recently of the word Impostor syndrome and it is surprising to see that something that I have felt forever, is also not unique to me. I mean, I can't call myself a poet. I can't call myself a writer without laughing. Like, who am I deceiving?

There are far better writers, more exposed, intelligent, bigger users of language out there. Who am I? So when I get those rejections, it seems to buttress my point that I am not much of a writer. The wins seem like I got lucky not because I got better at this writing thing. When people talk writerly stuff, I barely have words to add. In reading other writers, I have learnt a lot and I know that there's more to learn but I still fear that I will never be good enough, that I am not truly a writer, just pretending at it.

I could stop submitting again but this would mean that I would miss those golden moments when I get the acceptance as well as the connections that I can make in the world of literature. The truth is that the blockchain has played more positive role in developing my skill as a writer than any other platform out there. Simply by voting, curating and commenting, I have been able to believe that I write good stuff. This is where I find value and validation.

There is the truth that I write because I can, not because I need it for food. It is like running. You know that you don't have to run all the time but it is a part of you. Whether there's a problem you are fleeing from or not, you'd still run. Maybe it would make more sense to band with others, who like me, feel like outsiders, and create something for those who do not fit in well to the often elitist literary space.

Such a journal or literary magazine would be called the Red light gazette. It would cater to the strange, the unwanted, those standing at the periphery of art, the mentally ill, the rejected. It would welcome all as long as it is beautiful, communicates and does not cause pain. It would welcome all colours, all genders, all tastes, all philosophies, all beliefs, all classes, all politics, as long as it does not involve violence to another and criminal acts of any kind.

It would be a wonderful continual gallery of art, poetry, fiction, nonfiction, reviews, interviews, photography and hybrid forms, experiments, translations, structured forms as well as free verse forms. Updated twice a week with fresh content. This is a dream as wild and as wide as this world. Maybe this would accept people like me who do not know if they are truly writers.

I do not know if this dream is feasible. I do not know if it will ever see the light of day but I love my dreams. They make me wake up in the morning. It is my hope that every person who picks a pen to put on paper and attempts to step into the deeper ends of the river that is creativity will find a space for expression; the kind of space that blockchain based communities and technology has given to me.

I have rambled some on this post. This was not my intent. If you still get the rejections, please tell me, how do you deal?

©Osahon, 2020.