I wrote a post about my dad last week and the fact he doesn't recall who I am anymore through dementia and have been thinking about the emotions around that scenario for a few days.
It has been on my mind for a while now, that I may end up in the same situation in my old age, and whilst that's a long way down the road of life it's something I think about as it feels relevant to me now; In the now...The present.
What I'm saying is that the prospect of me suffering the same condition as my dad motivates me to live life the best I can right now, to fill it with experiences that I can enjoy now, and hopefully recall later.
My wife and I had a chat about it over the weekend, a chat that became an evaluation of our position right now, our enjoyment level of life and our satisfaction with the plans we have in place for the future both from an enjoyment perspective and a financial-security standpoint.
We didn't get the calculator and spreadsheet out though; It was a conversation about our as is position and looking into the future; A snapshot of where we are, and are going, compared against where we want to be. We determined that we are reasonably on-track towards our goals and have the right mix of now and future vision. I use the word mix, not balance as we don't balance now and the future evenly - It's weighted one way or the other depending on the scenario at hand.
One thing I opened up about, for the first time in fact, was the scenario around me potentially losing my memory, and therefore my feelings for my Faith, my wife. It was quite confronting to say it out loud. Not recalling her, and our lives together, is something that would destroy me, although if that happened I wouldn't know about it I guess so it's moot. I know it now though, the potential for it, and the thought makes me feel very uncomfortable.
I'm not one of those people who is afraid to die; I don't want to die, but it's inevitable for all of us and so I don't see any point in fearing it. I fear losing my memory though, and more specifically, my memory of my wife Faith.
We talked about that, and rather than utter useless platitudes we reaffirmed our conviction to design and create our ideal life whilst we can, to be better people together and to fill our lives now with memories, experiences and emotions that we value and let the future hold them or take them away as it will. Is there anything else to do but that?
I wrote in my post a few days ago that it would be good to be the son again, to have a dad who can interact with me as a dad, not just an old man with no memory of me...But he spent my lifetime imparting his wisdom and knowledge upon me, of preparing me for his absence and in reality, right now despite his dementia, he's still teaching me things...The importance of valuing life now, of being one hundred percent present in it, because it really is the most precious of things. I think that's pretty cool. Thanks dad.
Thanks for reading - Now go and get present in your life.
Tomorrow isn't promised - Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default
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Discord: galenkp#9209 🇦🇺
Image taken by me at Hitlers Eagle's Nest (The Kehlsteinhaus) at Obersalzberg in Berchtesgaden.
Wao, as always you leave me impressed enormously and positively with your reading. You are one of those people who exudes humanity in every letter, I really feel happy to have started reading you, dear @galenkp. You are one of those people who are full of spirituality and love for life. Life goes very fast, in that you are absolutely right. One lives today, tomorrow we do not know and yesterday has passed. That is why, as you say, we must live in the best possible way the today that is what really belongs to us while we live it.
I'm very sorry about your father's condition, but I think he would be proud if he saw everything you took from him to face life. We are human, not perfect, it is beautiful what you live and the beautiful relationship full of confidence that you have with your wife. Thank you for sharing your experiences and filling those of us who follow you with positive energy. I had been absent due to many daily vicissitudes that one lives here in Venezuela on a daily basis, life here has become very uphill but it is also true that it leaves us with experiences of how to be stronger in the face of difficult times.
I wish you the best in the world, again thank you for your lines full of love. I embrace you from here!
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Hi Mary, and thank you for such nice words.
My father has had a very good life, tough as he lived in Japanese-occupied territory in the Second World War and was quite poor, however he came to Australia, met my mum and had five kids, all healthy. I think, if was able to, he would say he has had a tremendous life, and whilst he wasn't ever rich, enjoyed a wealth of experiences with his family. I think he would be very proud of us.
I know Venezuela is experiencing some difficulties and that life there can be, and often is, quite difficult and harsh. I can't know what it's like because I am not there, but I can imagine. The right attitude will always go some way towards improving ones outlook and whilst positives can be difficult to find one must seek them and embrace them when they come along.
I am pleased that you find something of value in my posts and am grateful to have you as a follower.
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loosing memory is indeed one of the fearful things in life. It's better to die than loosing a memory for those people you love. Just thinking how painful for them to see you in a condition like that. If we can avoid it then we should do anything not to be in that state.
In my own opinion what if writing how's your life before with a photograph. If you might loose your memory (I hope it won't) you have things to look back and force yourself to remember.
Actually I don't like this kind of situation, it gives me pain just by imagining it.
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You mean like writing memoirs, a journal with photos as such. I guess that could work to some degree depending upon the severity of the memory loss. The problem with dementia is that sufferers lose the ability to do the most basic of things like reading, writing, going to the toilet, eating...It takes everything away. Still, you make a good point and the blockchain could be that record of which you speak I suppose right?
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yes but I think it will be sweeter when you'll write it on handwritten and post it on walls. Technology might be irreplaceable in stocking things but the paper with handwritten has the unforgettable feeling or emotions.
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Good idea. You could start now so you have a great collection in the advent of you being struck with dementia.
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My grandfather also did not recognize my father. He thought my brother was his son. Your beautiful post reminded me of that.
I almost cry.
Thanks for sharing all this with us!
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Hey Sara, as much as we'd love life to be perfect and painless, it is not. It is flawed, imperfect and often painful...But it is all we have and so I try to deploy it with conviction and passion and to get the best from it by seeking the best version of life possible.
Thanks for your comment, it is very welcome, and much appreciated.
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This is one thing I used to fear very much. I have seen it in people fairly close to me (not direct family members but close enough to really disturb me) and it is sad beyond words.
@galenkp take the time to research more about autophagy .... it is for me the answer to the question 'What can I do to ensure that I do not develop dementia or alzheimers?' .... I have modified my lifestyle starting almost a year ago to encourage autophagy in my body and I can really feel the benefits. I feel mentally sharper,and just all round healthier!!
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Hey @themagus, I'll look into that today, at work so I get paid to do it. Lol.
You use the word disturb and that's really the best way to describe the feeling isn't it? It makes me feel very uncomfortable. You know, as a twenty-thirty-something I never thought about it but as I got into my forties it became a thing. I don't stress about it, just feel disturbed. as you put it. One thing is good though...I have spent my life living it the best way I could and have very few regrets, those I do are minor. I think that's one of the only things we can do. That way, if it's all taken away at least we lived it whilst we could right?
Thanks for your comments and suggestion. Greatly appreciated.
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Working towards long term goals doesn't guarantee a secure future, but it sure does increase your odds.
Setting and then accomplishing short term goals provides motivation to continuing to stay the course.
Accomplishing anything requires effort, and effort requires activity, and activity is good for both the body and mind.
For those of use that are fortunate enough to reach established goals, both short term and long, with a soul mate by our side makes us the lucky ones. I could never imagine not having Robin by my side.
She is my motor, and without her I'm not sure how motivated I would be to do anything.
So many people are without loving mates and to some degree that has to be a lonely existence.
The Golden Years only have a chance of being golden with a lot of hard, before they arrive.
As I'm well into the back nine, I know that some health shit is at the end of the tunnel, and loosing my mental capabilities is probably my biggest concern.
I don't dwell on any negatives for long, including what Robin and I refer to as Old Timers.
Your Dad's situation is one that is hard to deal with, I'm sure.
Your glass half full scenario,
(despite his dementia, he's still teaching me things...The importance of valuing life now, of being one hundred percent present in it, because it really is the most precious of things. I think that's pretty cool. Thanks dad.) is a great way to look at most things.
May your remaining time with your Pop bring you even closer and continue to be a source of motivation.
I would expect, with all the advancements that are constantly made in medicine, it will not be long before they have an answer to this horrific disease.
I don't know if I have said this before, your closing line on all of your posts is something that many people would be wise to consider.
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I agree with your goal-setting and achieving text completely. I've always been a goal-setter and advocate for the process. So many don't know what a true goal is by definition, or how to set one; I've found this in the mentoring work I do. It's an easy concept though, to teach and learn.
It is a difficult situation, of course you know this. The back 9 huh? Nice way to put it. I'll be 50 in under a month so these things are becoming more relavent to me. I don't dwell on them, but they pop up from time to time. I'm fortunate to be reasonably healthy, quick of mind and whilst I have back problems tend to manage them reasonably well. It's the mind thing that plays on me, more so because I observe my dad.
You mention Robin and I feel the same about Faith. I think for me that's the worst part...Potentially forgetting her. That would kill me. In fact I'd rather be dead to be honest.
Anyway, all we can do is live life the best way, be the best version of ourselves and make sure we move forward with the least opportunity for regret. That is what my closing line on my posts means, among other things.
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default.
I don't think you've mentioned it before but I'm always chuffed (happy) when someone does. My hope is that it rubs off on others because it's a great little ethos to live by.
Your comments are always appreciated sir.
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Thanks my friend. Your comments are appreciated as well.
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Interesting article @galenkp, dementia is just awful, the thing is, if you have it, you don't know it. But is affects the loved ones the most, it's hard to watch.
There is no other way to live life, in the moment for sure.
I thank God everyday for my family , especially my hubby. He has helped me navigate through the worst of times and it made me love him even more for his patience and support.
At my age, I don't sweat the small stuff at all any more. I try to find the silver lining, @thebigsweed taught me that.
Have a wonderful day my friend.
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I just responded to a comment Sweed made in which he referred to you. We tend to think the same which is probably not unsurprising. I hear you with the don't sweat the small stuff comment and agree completely. We are fortunate that we don't have a lot of regrets in life, not about things we were in control of anyway *our own actions) and so are lucky...(But we make our own luck to the greater degree don't we?).
Getting old and possibly losing my memory is something that's going to happen. I am content that we have, and will continue, to live our lives the best way we can although one of my biggest regrets is not having kids, which was not possible for us. No, we do not want to adopt either (just getting in early.) It's ok though, it's always been just Faith and I and will be so moving forward. I have a niece and nephew to spoil too...At almost 50 (in under a month) I am content with where we are, happy to have a significant other like Faith and am looking forward to another 30 years...(Although I'll probably run out of money at 25! Lol.
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When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I know that's such a common response, but it's the truth. We can't change or control things life flips on us. Sit, if I could control everything, I would be 10 lbs. lighter, oh wait, I can control that,😏 but there's so much that happens during a lifetime that just HAPPENS.🤷♀️
It's boils down to point of view, attitude and commitment. All I know is, if you are lucky enough to find your soul mate, you have been blessed and you get blessed twice if you make it together to the finish line.
Love is all you need!!
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Thanks, you are all too generous.
I hope all is well!
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I couldn't agree more...Here's some ENGAGE because why not?
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thanks friend
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Oh man, thank you!!
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Facing your fears together and engaging the right action to them, is a beautiful thing. Love is powerful and the best tool we have. I thank you for sharing your vulnerability and strength with us.
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Hey there...
We're a pretty tight unit, Faith and I, so it's easy to be on the same page. I'm fortunate. Thanks for taking the time to comment. I hope you guys are well.
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Howdy sir galenkp! At least you guys are making every single minute count instead of wasting tons of time like most people and then they wonder why they end up broke and miserable or dying and alone.
I haven't studied dementia as far as it being hereditary or in the genes, maybe I didn't want to know. Have you and is that your concern?
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I haven't researched it per se, but both my grandmothers had it and my father so...I guess there's a chance I will. Just before I get it I'll post my tax file number, address, date of birth and bank account details here on steem just so I don't forget them though. All good.
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Well people debate endlessly on the causes of the disease but here in the U.S. it became common place after doctors prescribed truckloads of cholesterol lowering drugs and everyone was urged to stop eating high cholesterol foods.
The gray matter in the brain is composed basically of cholesterol and the protective coatings encasing the neurons is taken away by not taking in adequate amounts of cholesterol.
The results are obvious with neurons getting entangled and frayed without that protective coating ...which causes Alzheimer's and dementia.
The good news is that it's an easy nutritional fix to take in healthy cholesterol and fats to feed the brain. I don't think you're going to get anything like dementia because I think it has more to do with nutrition and diet than heredity.
I generally don't trust any medical doctors unless they've switched to the holistic medicine approach and those are the ones I follow.
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I visit the doctor regularly as I'm diabetic but I also have some distrust and questions everything. I think that's a smart way to be; Much better than blindly accepting their opinions which are often based on kick-backs they get for writing prescriptions for the drug companies.
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Exactly. Push those drugs!
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It’s amazing the power other peoples love can have in our lives.
Your words remind me to cherish each and every moment with the people in my life.
We will all join each other on the other side eventually.. to be reunited.
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Yes, we can be islands at times in life, but it's often the love of someone else that helps bridges form and life to have greater meaning and depth. Cherishing life and those we value is a good ethos. Nicely said.
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You’re a damn good writer too man. Great way to describe it.
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Thank you good sir. I hope you and the fam are well. :)
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I offer my condolences about the situation with your father. I mean that, genuine and heart-felt. Your respect for what he is teaching you, even now, is admirable. He raised a good man. I'm sure one day, whether you know it, or not, there will be many people speaking of your legacy as well and how you were a positive influence in their lives. I hope that you are still mentally present to tell you, though. I just might be one of them.
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Thanks mate, much appreciated.
If you weren't so damned young we could both get those old-person gophers and have gopher races up and down the halls of our nursing home. Damn you and your youth! Lol.
Thanks for the kinds words mate, I really appreciate that you take to time to comment.
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I really meant it, and my youth is NO REASON not to have gopher races! Are you, insane???
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Haha...It's on mate...If you're not first you're last!
You know, back a couple years I was in a park called Wellington Square here and saw two old ladies in gophers driving side by side on the path (slowly)...I snapped a photo and did a post making up that they were street-racing grannies or some such. I should try and find it. Was kinda funny.
So, it's on ya reckon cobber? I think it should be... 😂
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There's not a whole lot, outside of living your life to the fullest in the present, that you can do. I cannot begin to guess the pain you're going through; I'd say something insensitive or in poor taste by accident if I tried.
An excellent post and one worth meditating on.
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Hey mate, just your comment is comment enough. It's a hard one to know how to address or comment on I suppose. Thanks for reading though.
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It makes Me think that things may be different for us (if or when) the Reaper. Or Memory Stealing Demons come for us.
We will have stories of our lives and experiences, & videos to watch.
I wonder how it will feel to watch and read of ourselves. Will We believe it.? Having little or no memories of what we are seeing on video and reading our own writings, not remembering writing them.... Will we be able to read ourselves...? Will others have to read to us..?
Hard to wrap our heads around it with brains that work somewhat the way they were designed to... Working at this moment anyways.
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Yes, there is that I guess...
My father doesn't recognise himself in photos though. It's really odd. Fascinating how the brain has the ability to remove the most basic of thoughts like that. I hope I never get like that, but who knows. if and when I do I'll be blissfully unaware I guess.
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