One of the great challenges of counseling is the fact that many people who show up to get mental health assistance don't actually want to deal with the facts, they just want some answers that they can feel good about.
Even if you're not that familiar with therapy and psychology, I'm sure you've heard the terms "enabling" and "denial..."
It's amazing just how much of therapeutic work revolves around navigating these two particular tendencies.
And people can become quite upset when you are not interested in entertaining their "story," and instead insist on getting down below that to deal with what is real. In fact, it is at this point many people quit therapy because they just kind of wanted to play act at being in therapy.
Of course, that doesn't really do them any good!
The thing about facts is that they're often unpleasant and they aren't really what we want to hear. But they are an essential part of healing. Many people hope that they can go to a counselor and solicit an answer that will simply tell them that they're okay and life is unfair, when in fact they are deep inside a toxic complex.
One of the challenging things the therapist faces is to be able to gently communicate to somebody that there is really more going on than the version they want me to send them merrily on their way with, saying that "everything is not really that bad."
"No, the fact that you were largely abandoned by your alcoholic mother" cannot just be written off as not that bad. And "no, it was not normal that your dad would beat you every time you made less than perfect grades."
These are traumatic events that has major impacts on how we navigate ther world.
The reason we work so hard to get to the bottom of these things is that they tend to go in repeating cycles and all that's going to happen is that you will pass it on to the next generation who will be equally hurt by this particular pattern.
And so, we have to change the pattern by gently guiding people towards different choices.
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