Incredible You! Nigel's Dead: Now Meet Jonathan

Six months ago I told you how to kill off your version of Nigel, in the article Incredible You! The Killing Of Nigel. That was where I told you how giving your fixed mindset a name would help you to achieve growth in your life by facing failure head on.

We learned that our fixed mindsets are the voices in our head always telling us we can't do something, or how we should give up right now to save the pain and humiliation of failure.

Your fixed mindset tells you that anything that can't be mastered immediately is not worth doing, my fixed mindset's name was Nigel and I told you how I killed him off.

However now that Nigel is dead, or at least so beaten and feeble he can hardly raise a fight these days. I'm afraid that he has been replaced by someone much slicker, much more persuasive and dare I say it; more pleasant to listen to.

The Devil In Disguise

Meet Jonathon, he is Nigel's better looking, more upbeat twin. Whereas Nigel was a right downer, always looking for new ways to tell me I can't do something.

His twin brother Jonathan uses an entirely new tact; you see Jonathan is much cleverer than Nigel, instead of telling me I can't do something and how bad I am at whatever new challenge I'm taking on. He instead tells me how I can do something and how great I am at it.

This doesn't seem too bad at first; what's wrong with a bit of confidence right?

However that is Jonathan's strength, where Nigel used to say; "Ugh, why are you even trying that, you'll never be any good, just give up now."

Jonathan instead says; *"You know you are really great at what you do. But hey you know what? Perhaps you should stick to that, give up trying for this new skill, maybe it's a case of your brain is better suited to what you're so goddamned great at! I mean you are really good at that, so just stick to it; where's the harm in that?"

Ooooh Jonathan, I almost fell for your charms, you constantly tell me how great and wonderful I am, just to disguise your true intent. Which is to make sure I never progress beyond this point, that I stay in my comfort zone, never pushing myself to improve and succeed in new endeavours.

Haha, I see you now, time for you to go the same way as Nigel.

Balanced Ego

In her book Mindset, Dr Carol Dweck presents evidence to show that praising ability over effort can be very destructive.

She cites study after study on both young and old, whereby telling someone how good they are at something, over how much effort they put in to learning that same something, simply puts them in a fixed mindset.

For example, a bunch of thirteen to fourteen year old children were given a tough test that was actually for university entrants.

After the test, they took all the kids that did well in it and separated them into two groups, not physically, but simply by what they said to them when they gave the kids their test results back.

"Oh wow! 85%, you must be really good at this."

And.

"Oh wow! 85%, you must have worked really hard at this."

That subtle little change in language created a MASSIVE change in attitude.

When the you must be really good at this group were asked how the test was. They looked on painfully as they told the examiner how hard and horrible it was.

When they were asked if they wanted to do another test that was even harder, most of them said; no way!

Conversely when the you must have worked really hard at this group were asked the same questions. They on the other hand told the examiners how hard it was, but how much they loved the challenge, and most of them agreed to take another even harder test.

Let that sink in a second; nobody knew these kids beforehand, and the only difference between the two groups, was what was said to them when handing back the results.

Lastly both groups were asked to write something for future students whom might take the test. Get this, forty percent of the you must be really good at this group, lied about their results.

They felt that 85% wasn't good, they all had different perceptions of what good was, so they felt the need to boost their scores.

Wow!

Bye Bye Jonathan

So in order to get rid of Jonathan, when I hear him telling me that I'm an amazing writer or how buff I am at the moment.

I remind him of the work I've put into these things, I remind him that there's a process that one has to go through in order to get good at anything.

Sure sometimes it may take more work to master a new skill, but nothing happens by magic.

So quieten down Jonathan, thanks for the compliments and all, but you just sit your ass down while I get on with the work it will take me to get great at this new thing.

Further Reading

Incredible You! The Killing Of Nigel

The Effort Effect - Stanford University Magazine

How Praise Became a Consolation Prize - The Atlantic

Title image: James Sutton on Unsplash

Cryptogee

WHAT ABOUT YOU GUYS; HAVE YOU GOT YOUR OWN VERSION OF JONATHAN IN YOUR HEAD TELLING YOU HOW GREAT YOU ARE AT SKILL A, SO YOU SHOULDN'T BOTHER TRYING TO LEARN SKILL B? THEN AS EVER, LET ME KNOW BELOW!